Erica: Oh, sweet mother of mercy!
Beverly: Welcome to "Home Economics."
Erica: What are you-
Beverly: I'll be your your sub for the day and week.
Erica: How are y-
Beverly: Possibly month. Only time will tell.
Erica: What did you do to to Ms. Horokawa?
Beverly: Oh, you mean Mrs. Silverstein? I introduced her to the man of her dreams. They eloped. Now they're in Belize on the trip of a lifetime.
Erica: You monster!

JC Spink: Mrs. Goldberg?
Beverly: Chef Goldberg.
JC Spink: All due respect, Chef, but the team and I kind of took this class for an easy "A."
Beverly: Well, the only easy thing about this class is the eggs over. [laughs] All right, the fact that none of you are cracking up right now just shows your ignorance.

Beverly: First assignment lasagna! This will be the greatest challenge of your young lives.
Ruben Amaro Jr.: But my mom makes lasagna all the time. Is it really that hard?
Beverly: Uh, I don't know, Ruben Amaro Jr. Does four layers of hand-rolled noodles, freshly stewed tomatoes, and six imported cheeses sound hard to you?
JC Spink: But I only know two different types of cheese: string and whiz.
Beverly: Goat, Gruyere, Gouda. Those are just the G's. You want me to go on?

Barry: You guys are nuts! My super foxy girlfriend and theater dork brother? Yeah, not sweating it.
Naked Rob: Strange 'cause your t-shirt is quite wet.
Andy: Yeah you're literally sweating it.
Barry: You are! Anyhow, I'm gonna go change my shirt and pop by rehearsal for the fun of it.
Geoff: He's so sweaty.
Andy: Yeah, it's like a gland issue.
Naked Rob: Must be.

Adam: Hey, crew? I'm sort of in character right now, and your side chatter's really pulling me out.
Barry: You might think you're super cool here, but when we get home, anything goes.
Adam: Sorry, we're doing that musical in the spring. [laughter]
Barry: Stop making stupid inside theater jokes I don't understand!

Principal Ball: Okay, while I agree that these lasagnas both look and smell like a diaper fire, you can't give the entire class an "F."
Beverly: Can't I?
Coach Mellor: You can't. The very fabric of this school is based on the fact that home ec is an easy "A".
Beverly: Okay, what are you even doing here?
Coach Mellor: My entire offensive line took your class. If you fail them, we have no football team.
Beverly: Well, that's on them because they can't cook for [bleep].

Coach Mellor: Look, boys take home ec to boost their depressingly low GPA's.
Beverly: So it's not important to learn the science behind the three C's: cleaning, cooking, and cheesing?
Coach Mellor: Sure, in a pinch, a guy's got to know how to make a Manwich or scrub a bowl if a lady caller's stopping by, but your class is too hard.

Beverly: Well, if you ask me, the only blow-off class around here is gym. I could replace you with a pair of shorts, a Jane Fonda video, and a whistle.
Coach Mellor: You think you can just buy these shorts? Huh? You can. But you have to buy them at a special store for coaches.

Principal Ball: People. People. Due to Ms. Cinoman's shattered arm, the producers at "Phantom" have learned of our very unauthorized production. Apparently, you can't do a brand-new hit Broadway show at a high school without getting permission.
Adam: Balls!
Principal Ball: Inappropriate, but precise.

Barry: Well, well, well. Looks like opening night was also closing night. That's right. Theater jokes.