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‘The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook’ Quotes   Page 2 of 2

The Goldbergs: The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook

618. The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook

Aired March 13, 2019

Adam refuses to be part of Beverly's "embarrassing" plan to host a public access cooking show. Meanwhile, Barry needs a college recommendation letter from a teacher.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Dr. Katman?
Dr. Katman: Down here!
Barry: Oh, no! You're lying on a bed of nails!
Dr. Katman: Physics is just so bitchin'! Am I right? [laughs] Wanna try?
Barry: Mmm. Well anyway, I know this is last minute, but apparently you gotta have a teacher - write you a college rec-
Dr. Katman: Aw, buddy! I am so honored you asked me. Truly, man!
Barry: Really?
Dr. Katman: Call me a proton! That's how positive I am!
Barry: Dude, I really owe you one!
Dr. Katman: Stop. Just like a neutron, there's no charge. [laughs]
Barry: And also please don't put any of those jokes in my letter.

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Quote from Adam

Adam: Okay, fine! I still make awesome movies! But I honestly don't know the first thing about making a cooking show.
[cut to:]
Adam: [on tape] It's The Chadam Cooking Hour: episode 140!
Adam: Okay, fine! I made six years' worth of cooking shows! Doesn't mean I can help you!

Quote from Erica

Geoff: Barry, stop. You can't look at that.
Barry: Wait, I got something. What's "poosnicken" mean? Is that good from an educator?
Erica: Doesn't sound good. Ta. [mumbling] Couch sloth my ass.

Quote from Adam

Adam: And I'm doing a lot of quitting. Good luck with your project.
Beverly: Wait, why?
Adam: 'Cause you're gonna embarrass me on public television, seen by dozens.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hey, Doc! Got a sec?
Dr. Katman: Of course, Goldie! A little time for my star student. But first, let me wet the ole whistle with some wine. Oh, you say this is just water.
Barry: I didn't say anything.
Dr. Katman: [laughs] A toast to you!
Barry: Fun.

Quote from Adam

Chad Kremp: Hey, man, you okay? You've barely touched your Fruit Roll-Up finger.
Adam: Eh. Last night, I got into it with my mom, and she kinda got in my head.
Emmy Mirsky: How?
Adam: Do you guys think I'm embarrassing? Oh, balls! You're all avoiding eye contact!
Dave Kim: Bro, I think it's pretty well-known that you're... Unique.
Emmy Mirsky: I'd say one of a kind.
Chad Kremp: Your own man.
Adam: Those are just nice ways of saying I'm super embarrassing!

Quote from Adam

Jackie: What's up?
Chad Kremp: Adam's mom caved and finally admitted the kid's an embarrassment.
Jackie: Oh, sure.
Adam: What? You're my girlfriend! You're aware of this, too?
Jackie: It's endearing.
Adam: Aww. Also, [angrily] Aw!

Quote from Barry

Mr. Crosby: All right, before I do, let's just take a look at some of the work you did this year in my class. What is this?
Barry: That's my napkin holder.
Mr. Crosby: And this?
Barry: That's a shoe holder, for the holding of shoes.
Mr. Crosby: What exactly is this?
Barry: Bird house.
Mr. Crosby: And where exactly would a bird live?
Barry: On top of it. Or it could lie down here or walk around over here. Thank you for your time.

Quote from Murray

Barry: Wait, you know?
Murray: Yes! I found that charred, damp letter right where you left it.
Barry: Gah! Why didn't Mom clean that up?
Murray: Because you're a dumbass, which is why I went to Katman and got you a brand-new recco.
Barry: How is this happening? The man said no and cursed me out in the nicest possible way!
Murray: Because this man doesn't take no for an answer when it comes to college. But listen to me. Do not betray your weird, happy teacher again. As a matter of fact, just steer clear of him forever.
Erica: My God, you're actually super effective and good at Dad stuff when you care.
Murray: That's on you for not being interesting. You gotta promise me you're gonna go against all your instincts and not be a moron who opens this letter. Can you do that? Can you not be a moron?

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Oh, yeah. Years of making my own movies had led to this moment. And rolling.
Adam: Hi, I'm Adam- Ooh, boy.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, I discovered that when I go in front of an actual TV camera, I freeze up with crippling stage fright. It's true, my body literally shuts down.
Beverly: Okay... Guess that's my cue. Hi. Hello and welcome. I'm Beverly Goldberg, and this is my little sous-chef, Adam. Adam, say hello to the viewers.
Adam: Adam. Me.

Quote from Adam

Adam: [quietly] I'm passing out.
Beverly: That's right. Coming soon to book retailers near you.
Adam: I'm passing out.
Beverly: What?
Adam: I'm passing out.
Beverly: Do you want to sit down or something?
Adam: I'm gone! I'm gone. I'm down.
Beverly: I'm Beverly Goldberg, thank you, and good night. Mama's Mama's here, schmoo!

Quote from Barry

Dr. Katman: Hey, Goldie. Listen, I didn't sleep all night after I unloaded on you. Not my best me.
Barry: No, I deserved that surprising barrage of potty language.
Dr. Katman: Look, I know how important that letter is to you, so I wrote you another one.
Barry: You wrote a third letter?
Dr. Katman: Third? Buddy, this is the second one right here.
Barry: No, this is the second letter. You gave it to my dad yesterday.
Dr. Katman: He may have given it to you, but I didn't give it to him.
Barry: Wait! That's why my dad told me not to talk to you! He didn't want us to figure this out.
Dr. Katman: Figure what out? What the hell is in that envelope, pal?
Barry: God only knows!
Dr. Katman: We gotta open that letter.
Barry: But what about trust and all that stuff you got mad about?
Dr. Katman: I've never been on this side of it before! It is really eating away at me, buddy!
Barry: Me too! But how do we open this letter without ruining it?
Dr. Katman: With the answer to everything. Science!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hey, pickle, maybe you should just watch The A Team instead?
Adam: I just wanted to see if my on-camera debut was as bad as I thought. And it's worse.
Beverly: No. You were adorable.
Adam: You don't have to do that, Mom. I just really wanted to help you.
Beverly: Listen, lovebug, you putting yourself out there to support me, it helped me more than you could ever know.
Adam: Come on, I just ended up embarrassing you again.
Beverly: Adam, I love every embarrassing thing about you. It's what makes you the most special, brilliant boy anyone could ever ask for.
Adam: Well, if this cookbook thing doesn't pan out, at least we learned you're shockingly awesome on camera.
Beverly: Forget TV. That cookbook is my dream, and knowing I have your support lets me know that one day, it'll happen. Until then, I'll leave the cooking shows to you and Chad.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Okay, just mailed in my last recco and application. Only a few months left, and I'm outta this dump.
Andy: School sucks.
Matt: I'll cherish you all.
Barry: Our lives are finally beginning, JTP. I can't wait to come back for our 10-year reunion and show everyone how awesome we all are.
Geoff: Oh, we'll show 'em when I roll up with Erica, and I'll be like, "'Sup! This wasn't a fluke."
Andy: Well, I'll cruise in on my rocket boots and my two wives named Heather, Locklear and Thomas.
Barry: Oh, yeah? I'm gonna beam here from planet Barry, where I ride space elephants and rule Rap City with an iron fist.
Matt: Wow, I can't wait for this reunion.
Barry: Reunions!
All: Reunions!

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