Pops: And action.
Adam: Hi, I'm Adam.
Beverly: [as Julia Child] Hello! I'm Beverly Goldberg. Welcome to The Goldberg Gourmet. Bon appetit!
Adam: And cut. Okay, I got some performance notes.
Beverly: [normal voice] Hit me.
Adam: So, you're a human person. So, you should talk like one.

Pops: I think I know what's happening. Seems whenever I say "action," your mom panics and becomes Julia Child.
Beverly: Oh, don't be ridiculous! Here, I'll prove it. Say "action" and watch me cook.
Pops: Action.
Beverly: [as Julia Child]This lovely dish is made with saltwater prawns, Parmesan cheese, and butter because butter is better! I'm Julia Child!
Pops: Cut.
Beverly: [normal voice] Okay, maybe I am doing a little something.

Beverly: And it doesn't matter to you that this might actually help sell my cookbook?
Adam: No! 'Cause my mom making a cookbook is also embarrassing, and so are your aprons and weird parm dishes and everything about you. It's pure embarrassment, and you have no idea what it feels like.
Beverly: Oh-ho, and you think I'm never embarrassed by you?
Adam: Um, no! I think you made it pretty clear you love everything that I do.
Beverly: So, you don't think I'm embarrassed when I have friends over, and you do one of your creepy shows with a ventriloquist dummy?
Adam: You bought us matching outfits!
Beverly: And you don't think I was embarrassed to watch a three-hour one-man show where you played an eclectic cast of international characters?
Adam: [Jamaican accent] You said my Jamaican accent was spot-on, mon!
Beverly: And you don't think I was embarrassed to run down to your school with an extra pair of pants because of the thing I promised never to speak about?
Adam: [gasps] Promise broken!
Beverly: Baby, you are ten thousand times more embarrassing than I will ever be, but it doesn't matter because I love you more than anything! Clearly, you don't feel the same way.

Dr. Katman: So, what's the important news? I'm excited.
Barry: You should be. Remember that letter you wrote me?
Dr. Katman: Of course. Your college recommendation letter.
Barry: Yeah, that's the one. Turns out, I read it against your wishes and destroyed it with fire and water. But you're gonna write me a new one 'cause you did say I'm your star student.
Dr. Katman: It doesn't feel like that anymore, pal. Wow, I'm like really mad right now.
Barry: I understand why you would be, but I'm very confused by your smile and cheery tone.
Dr. Katman: Well, let me clear it up. I'm really pissed, and I'm not gonna write [bleep] for you, because what you did was really [bleep] up.
Barry: But I still need a recco for college.
Dr. Katman: I'd ask another teacher, pal. I wish you all the best.
Barry: Uh-oh.
Dr. Katman: Yeah, uh-oh! You better go because I'm saying words that I never thought I would say to a child! [bleep] [bleep].

Miss Cinoman: You were stage crew for two days and dropped a chandelier on my head.
Barry: Thank you for your time.
[later:]
Barry: In order to save you time and energy, I've written the recommendation letter myself. If you could just sign it.
Coach Nick: "Barry Goldberg can squat a baby elephant "and bench 275 an unlimited number of times."
Barry: Uh-huh. Just right at the bottom there.
Coach Nick: Tell you what, if you can do one pull up, I'll sign this letter and walk it to the college myself.
Barry: [powders his hands, then:] Thank you for your time.

Beverly: Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord in poop. You know what? You were right. This is not gonna help me sell my cookbook. All I'm gonna do is make a fool of myself.
Adam: Mom! Look at me. You're in my world now, the AV world. This is where I shine. So you just have to follow my lead, and I'll make you look good.
Beverly: Okay, I am so confused. You said-
Adam: I know what I said, and I was wrong. You've always been there to support me with your love and kindness and new pants. And now it's my turn to support you. So take my hand and let's go be on a TV station that legally has to let anyone on.
Beverly: Preheat that oven. It's parmin' time.

Dr. Katman: "To whom it may concern. Barry is fearless and has a boundless passion and enormous appetite for life. But what I admire most about my son is that no one has bigger dreams and more potential." Wow, your dad wrote this.
Barry: "I might be Barry's father, but he's the one who teaches me every day."
Dr. Katman: "The only thing he can't do is know how much I believe in him."

Erica: Wow, I can't believe Dad wrote such beautiful stuff about you.
Barry: Well, you know him. Anything for college.
Murray: College? What about college? What now?
Barry: Actually, I was just about to send out the recco I got from Doc, which he gave me today. So I won't be needing the one you wrote.
Murray: You weren't supposed to see that.
Barry: Well, I did. [Barry hugs Murray]
Murray: Fine, you can keep the stupid letter.
Barry: Forever.

Beverly: Now, the secret to shredding mozzarella is to put the block of cheese in the freezer first. Sous-chef Adam, the grater, please.
Adam: My hands are numb.
Beverly: Over the teeth and through the gums, look out, tummy, here it comes.
Adam: Hoooo!
Beverly: Whoooo is excited about my shrimp parm? Well, I sure as heck am. [as Adam] Five stars, Mama. [normal voice] You can find this parm and many more parms like it in The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook.

Barry: Listen up. I've got some deeply upsetting news, JTP.
All: JTP!
Barry: No! Not the time. Mr. Glascott just called an emergency college meeting with me by chasing me down the hall.
Naked Rob: Oh, no. What's wrong?
Barry: Turns out, we all need recommendation letters from teachers to get into college.
Andy: And?
Barry: Wait, you all knew about this and didn't tell me? I tried to tell you, but you said-
Barry: Stop speaking, Matt Bradley!
Matt: Yeah, that exactly.