Virginia Kremp: Ladies, it seems we have a visitor.
Murray: This will only take a second. Uh, Marcie, Shelly, Tabitha. Um, I'm sorry, I forgot your name.
Essie Karp: You've actually forgotten all our names. And if Beverly sent you, you can tell her-
Murray: Ho, ho, ho, ho! She did not send me. I came on my own to let you guys know what a great friend she is.
Linda Schwartz: Who only wants to talk about herself.
Murray: Yes. But to me, she only talks about you guys.
Virginia Kremp: Murray, it's sweet you're here and honestly surprising to see you out of your chair, but we know it's not true.
Murray: Oh, but it is true. She was so jazzed when Jimothy won that Flower Grower of the Year Award.
Virginia Kremp: It's Charles, and, um, when I mentioned it to her, she didn't seem to care.
Murray: But she does care. And you, uh, Cindy? Your place in Florida? She's doing everything she can to get me down there.
Essie Karp: It's Essie. And really?
Murray: And you, Patty, she cannot stop talking about your son Stevie and how he can go to any Ivy League School that he wants.
Linda Schwartz: It's Geoff. But that's sweet.
Murray: Look, I know she talks a lot about her family. But to her, you're family.

Essie Karp: I mean, I knew Babs had range, but watching her play a young male farmer? I mean, transcendent.
Beverly: Oh, well, speaking of cookbooks-
Virginia Kremp: Uh, no one's speaking of cookbooks, Beverly. We were actually just talking about "Yentl."
Beverly: Yeah, well, now speaking of cookbooks. Um, did I mention I'm writing a cookbook?
Essie Karp: You mean the cookbook you've somehow managed to work into every conversation in the last month?
Beverly: That's probably the one, yes.

Essie Karp: I'll tell ya what. If you can go ten minutes without making a single reference to yourself.
Linda Schwartz: Your kids.
Virginia Kremp: Your opinions.
Essie Karp: Your sweaters.
Virginia Kremp: Your couponing expertise.
Essie Karp: How Farrah Fawcett stole your look.
Linda Schwartz: Your matchmaking.
Virginia Kremp: Let's not forget about the cookbook.
Essie Karp: Then you'll have proven us wrong.
Beverly: And what happens when I immediately prove you all wrong?
Virginia Kremp: Well, then, we will admit you're right, and then for the next ten brunches, all we'll do is talk about you.
Beverly: That's my dream. Challenge accepted, suckas.

Virginia Kremp: When Chad said that my chicken was dry...
Beverly: Cookbook! Cooookbooook! Oh, I have a cookbook with so many recipes that Chad would like more than your bone-dry chicken! Also, Adam went to a sci-fi convention, and Barry's applying to Penn, and Erica, there's not much going on there, but she's still a beautiful angel and so much better than your kids, and, oh, my God, that felt so good.
Essie Karp: And you lose.
Beverly: Come on. That had to have been at least nine minutes.
Virginia Kremp: It was two.
Beverly: Oh, speaking of telling time, you know, Murray got me this new Swatch for our anniversary.

Beverly: I cannot believe you just thought you were gonna replace me.
Virginia Kremp: No one is replacing anyone. There's room for five Frentas.
Beverly: Well, there's only four drying stations at the salon. What, someone's gonna sit at the end with a towel on her head, like a chump?
Virginia Kremp: I thought we would just take turns.
Beverly: Look, you are my dearest and closest friends, and I love you so much, but right now you're acting like a bunch of [bleep].
All: Oh.
Eileen: Okay, if I may pipe in here. Beverly, I truly admire you, and I think you are an amazing woman, but it seems like you're acting like the [bleep] here.
Beverly: How dare you?! Wow! The potty mouth on this one! Huh? That's who you wanna replace me with? Hm.
Well [bleep].

Beverly: Heyyy, there's my Mentas!
Bill Lewis: Mentas?
Beverly: Mentas. You know, men yentas who are friends also. I just coined it.
Murray: Well, un-coin it.

Beverly: Maybe we should have brunch. You boys look hungry.
Bill Lewis: Got it covered. Wing helmet.
Beverly: I think I'll pass.
Murray: More for us.
Beverly: So, this is your entire day, huh?
Bill Lewis: Sure.
Beverly: Sitting on your ass, eating helmet wings?
Bill Lewis: Sure.
Murray: That's what Bill wanted. It is his birthday and all.
Beverly: For God's sakes, it's his birthday? Did you at least get him a gift?
Bill Lewis: Of course he did. Wing helmet. Show her the wing helmet again, Mur. I don't think she got a close enough look. Wing helmet.

Murray: Hey, what's going on here? It's Sunday. Why aren't you out eating quiche with the ladies who walk in front of my TV? You know, the ones whose, uh, hair shadows I see in the dining room.

Beverly: Wow. What's all this?
Virginia Kremp: Well, we were hoping you might like a little brunch.
Beverly: But you don't need me. And why would you? I haven't been there for you.And I know I always talk about my life, but it's just because I envy you all in so many ways. I just want to be as amazing as you are.
Essie Karp: No. You are amazing. Now, I don't know if you've heard, but you're writing a cookbook.
Linda Schwartz: Everybody's talking about it.
Beverly: Well, good. Because I'm gonna need those recipes you offered up. I'm gonna put them front and center.
Virginia Kremp: Really?
Beverly: Of course. I mean, yes, it's a Beverly Goldberg Cookbook, but who's Beverly Goldberg without her Frentas?

Barry: My belly's at full capacity. Oh, God.