Pops: Why is this meshugenah blocking the tube? I want to see if Simon makes up with Simon.
Geoff: I stand before you with a comprehensive presentation of why I should be in your family photo.
Murray: I'm not looking at any of that.
Geoff: And I knew you wouldn't, because, as a fixture in this home, I know everything about you.
Murray: Then you know I'm irritated.
Geoff: Which is why I brought you a bacon and egg sandwich with a side of another bacon and egg sandwich.
Murray: Eh. Do what you do, egg man.

Pops: Every week, I caution you with advice in difficult situations.
Barry: It's basically all you do, besides snarf down our baked goods.
Pops: No matter my advice, you do the exact opposite.
Barry: I am a little frustrating.
Pops: So, I'm gonna give you bad advice in the hopes that you'll do the right thing.
Barry: Getting bored.
Pops: Destroy your buddies with extreme malice.
Barry: So, you're kinda saying I shouldn't seek revenge because it will irreparably damage my friendships?
Pops: Wait, are you really hearing me?
Barry: Who knows?

Barry: You're up next, Naked Rob.
Naked Rob: My Nudist Enthusiast magazines? These are expensive and European.
Barry: Now they're confetti.
Naked Rob: I had to learn French for these.

Erica: My grandpa can't stand this long. Hey, Pops, how ya feeling?
Pops: All my fluids are in my feet. I-I-I think I'll lie down for a minute. Oh!
Beverly: Dad, what the hell are you doing?
Pops: You got a pillow or a couch cushion?
Geoff: Oh, no! Your grandpa just made the ground his bed!
Erica: It's what he does.

[fantasy:]
Barry: This isn't where I fell asleep. Oh, no! Have I been gently kidnapped?
Pops: Your body is right where you left it. You're dreaming of what the world would be like if you didn't exist.
Barry: This isn't the JTP pad. It has no holes in the wall.
Pops: Of course there's no holes. You weren't here to punch them. [door opens]
Matt: Go for Mr. Bradley.
Barry: "Mr. Bradley"? Who are you, your stepdad that officially adopted you? Nerd.
Pops: He can't hear you. And he's now a successful Gap businessman. Without you making him late for work, he became Worldwide Head of Jean Shorts.
Matt: Buy! Sell! Business!

[fantasy:]
Andy: Oh, hey, there, friend. How's the weather up here, you ask? [chuckling] Why, it's great, because life for the very tall always is.
Barry: [laughs] Who stretched Andy?
Pops: No one. Without you stealing his lunch, Andy had a growth spurt. He's been helping people grab things off the top shelf ever since.

Beverly: Hey, Geoff. Oh, you'll be happy to know that Jinzy will be crying into her nothing-flavored holiday cookies because we nailed it.
Geoff: You took the photo without me?
Erica: Yes, 'cause they are the worst... The worst. So, let's just rush away and never speak of this again.
Beverly: Wait a minute. We wanted Geoff in the picture. You're the one who said he had explosive diarrhea.
Erica: What? No. And I definitely did not say "explosive."
Adam: You did, and it read as true.
Murray: Been there.
Pops: It's our people's burden.
Barry: Shame only makes it worse.

Naked Rob: What do you want?
Barry: Just one thing... Your forgiveness.
Andy: Oh! What's in the bag, man?
Naked Rob: I think it just moved. It's definitely full of spiders.
Matt: I know what's in there. My greatest fear... Speaking in public.

Adam: Barry? Now you're in on this?
Barry: I heard we had a new way of getting information out of you, and we need to know... Where's that deli that lets you taste the meat before you buy it?
Adam: It's the one on Main Street.
[montage:]
Barry: Is breakfast truly the most important meal of the day?
Barry: Is a frog an amphibian or a reptile?
Barry: Does Matt Bradley need to go to the doctor for this?
Barry: Sorry. Forgot what I was gonna ask. Put the hood back on him.

[fantasy:]
Naked Rob: [enters] Afternoon, gents.
Matt & Andy: Gorgeous Rob!
Barry: "Gorgeous" Rob? You're Naked Rob, and that's all you'll ever be.
Pops: Without you to pants Rob in second grade, Naked Rob never came to be. He built his identity based on a love of high-quality Italian menswear.
Naked Rob: Hope you guys don't mind. I brought a party sub. And a party.
Andy: It's our wives, who cherish us not just for our success, but for our high self-esteem.
Matt: Let's kiss them and watch football.
Andy: Yeah.
Barry: No! No! You don't have wives! You have me! And I matter! I make your lives better!