Pops: [on tape] Why, hello, there. The name's Big Al. And like a fine wine, I just keep getting better with age.
Beverly: My God. That's why he's been out every night this month.
Pops: [on tape] So [clicks tongue] let's have some fun.

Bill Lewis: Hi, this is Bill Lewis of Bill Lewis Flooring and Tile. I'm looking for a nice, clean lady to spend my days with. It used to be my wife.
Lainey: Oh, no.
Bill Lewis: Man, she was pretty. Smelled nice. Tight, little body from all the Jane Fonda. Son of a bitch, Billy Boy! You had it all!
Erica: No.
Beverly: Ouch.
Lainey: Daddy?
Bill Lewis: One day she just walked out on me. All she left behind was this single leg warmer. I wear it on my arm to keep her close.
Erica: Not good.
Beverly: Hard to watch.
Bill Lewis: Dang it, I miss you so much, pookie! [sniffles] So, so much! Also, you must be stacked. I'm so, so sorry.

Barry: Corporate leader?
Geoff: I know, right? Evy told me what bubbles to fill in, and now I'm gonna be a CEO. She says I'm a natural leader.
Evelyn Silver: Sit up straight.
Geoff: Yes, my love.

Coach Mellor: You're stretching all wrong, Matt Raymer. I want you to drop into a lunge right here. That's the quad. Work the quad. That is the engine room of the body.

Barry: I've finally decided on a career path. I'm gonna be a P.E. teacher.
Pops: Oh, my.
Barry: Dad, you're right. It's time I find my place in society. And what could impact society more than me teaching youth how to do light exercise and parachute games?

Coach Mellor: Dig deep. Imagine a jaguar's chasing you. Let's go.
Barry: I'm miserable, but happier than I've ever been.

Bill Lewis: Okay, I appreciate everyone's help, but I'm shutting this down. I'm just- I'm not over my wife. We all get one true love, and she was mine.
Erica: There is no way you only get one soul mate in life because he's in love with someone else, and then I'm gonna be alone forever, and I'm not gonna let that happen to you, Bill!
Bill Lewis: Wow. She's a passionate young lady. Got most of her facts wrong, but her heart's in the right place.

Murray: Thanks for sitting down with me, Rick.
Coach Mellor: Anything for my protege's old man. In a way, it's like we're married.
Murray: Yeah, that's gonna make this easier. Uh, thing is, Barry's not gonna be a gym teacher.
Coach Mellor: What's that now?
Murray: I think that Woody Allen said it best. [Imitating Woody Allen] "Those that can't do, teach.
And those that can't teach, teach gym."
Coach Mellor: How dare you. You call that a Woody Allen impression? [Imitating Woody Allen] This is a Woody Allen impression.
Murray: That's exactly what I'm doing.
Coach Mellor: You got to stammer like, like this. Use your hands more.

Erica: Hey, um, gonna be honest here. I'm struggling real bad, and I heard that Dad bought you a crystal ball.
Barry: I've been expecting you, my lost child.
Erica: To be clear, I know this is ridiculous and not real. I just need to hear something encouraging.
Barry: I've been expecting you, my lost child.
Erica: Stop talking like that and tell me I'll have a boyfriend one day.
Barry: I've been expecting you, my lost child.
Erica: I hate you.
Barry: Then take my hand, and let's journey into tomorrow and beyond.

Barry: All right! Forget that! Let me clear my mind and start over. I see you and a woman. One of you is the boss. But who is the boss? [glass breaks] I actually saw that coming.