Matt: Geoff, we need your sick managerial skills.
Erica: Well, too bad, dips. My worldly fella is too busy auditing Art History.
Andy: Auditing? Like, not for credit?
Barry: Then why do it?
Geoff: Because it's totally inspiring to expand my horizons through the pursuit of knowledge.
Barry: Since he can't come up with a reason, Geoff's gonna focus on something that actually does matter... Our deeply concerning living situation.
Erica: Like Geoff's actually gonna... [Geoff is suddenly holding a toolbox and wearing a maintenance overcoat] What the hell, dude?
Geoff: I have time to help a little.
Barry: Smart choice, Geoff. Now grab some rubber gloves, knee pads, sneakers you don't care about, and a plunger. First task is more toilet-related than not.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, my mom was always there when I needed or wanted something, and fortunately, we had a shorthand.
Adam: Hey, Mama...
Beverly: From your tone, I can tell you're gonna need more fancy and expensive camera equipment.
Adam: From your tone, I'm getting that you'll happily pay for it. See, there's...
Beverly: A film festival at school? How exciting! And I know...
Adam: Deep in your heart that I'm gonna win because I'm, by far...
Beverly: The most talented boy in the world? Yes! Here. I'll give you a...
Adam: Blank check so I can...
Beverly: Go to the camera store and get...
Adam: Whatever I need, no questions asked, because you...
Beverly: Love and believe in you like...
Adam: No mom has ever loved and believed in her son. Thanks...
Beverly: Mama. You're...
Adam: Welcome, my sweet forever-baby.
Dave Kim: Dude, a real relationship's gonna be very hard for you one day.
Beverly: Oh, he already has a real relationship. With me. [chuckles] We had a ceremony and everything when he was four. Take this to the camera store and spend hard.

Pops: This isn't over, is it?
Beverly: Nope.
Pops: You're gonna go destroy that poor other Adam Goldberg, aren't you?
Beverly: Damn right I am.
Pops: Why do I bother asking? I know all the answers.

Other Adam: Can I answer any questions for you, ma'am?
Beverly: Oh, just one. Uh, who the [bleep] do you think you are?
Other Adam: Whoa! This is a family-friendly audio-video store. Except for that section over behind the saloon doors.
Beverly: You spoke to my son, also Adam Goldberg, and snuffed out his perfect little-boy dreams.
Other Adam: Look, lady, I just call 'em like I see 'em. It's tough to make it in the movies.
Beverly: Oh, for you, maybe. [chuckles] But not for my little Stanley Schmoo-brick.
Other Adam: Well, that gives me a sense of what I'm dealing with here. Next time, I won't burst the little bubble you keep him in.
Beverly: No next time. This time. You are gonna fix this.
Other Adam: And how am I gonna do that?
Beverly: Simple. I'm casting you in the role of a lifetime, as "guy who gets his big break."
Other Adam: Sorry, but I kinda put acting on hold.
Beverly: Well, take it off hold. The pay's $50. [Other Adam scoffs] Well, I suppose I could throw in, uh, me not coming down here every day and making your life miserable.
Other Adam: All right, I'm on the project.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Geoff had sent a clear message that he was no longer helping anyone, but that message hadn't gotten through.
Professor: In Egypt, a great deal of art was created to honor the pharaoh.
Erica: [whispering] Psst! Geoff! Did you buy peanut butter?
Geoff: What? I'm in class.
Erica: Yeah, but just, like, a quick yes or no, 'cause I'm walking past the Wawa and I got chunky on the mind.
Geoff: Yes.
Erica: Okay, great. Wait, yes, you bought it or yes, we need it?
Geoff: Yes, we have stupid peanut butter!
Erica: [chuckles nervously] Don't mind me. Just a PB emergency. Go back to your super important art talk.
Barry: Geoffrey Antoinette Schwartz!
Geoff: Oh, God.
Erica: Dumbwads, he is in class! Your stupid thing can wait. What kind of jam do I like?

Murray: Why am I looking at toweled morons?
Barry: Because our water's out, so I told everyone they could use our free-flowing suburban water.
Murray: Well, here's the deal... Get out!
Barry: [groans] I knew this would happen.
Matt: And yet you made us bike across town in the snow in only robes and towels?
Barry: To our frozen bikes. I have another surefire iffy idea.

Barry: JTP.
All: [shivering] JTP.
Andy: Guys, I am so cold. I don't think I can make it another night here.
Matt: Also, have you guys noticed there's no water coming out of the faucet?
Barry: Hilarious. We're lovable screw-ups you can't help rooting for.
Andy: Eh, I don't think anyone would root for us if they saw our bathroom. It is rough sledding in there.
Matt: I don't go in there anymore. I signed up for a water aerobics class at the Y so I can get my body in water once a week.
Andy: Smart.
Naked Rob: And I use the Wawa bathroom down the street.
Matt: I don't want to be this guy, but I'm worried about us.
Barry: Silence, un-silent Matt Bradley! I have an idea for how to solve all our problems.

Erica: What the hell, JTP? You're supposed to knock so we can not answer.
Barry: We need your shower.
Naked Rob: And your soap.
Matt: And your strawberry-scented conditioner.
Andy: And a lift home. I cannot ride that ice bike anymore.
Erica: No, no, and no, dorks.
Geoff: Why don't you guys shower at your place?
Barry: Because, Obvious Geoffrey, the city stopped sending us water.
Geoff: Did you try calling so they'll resume service?
Barry: No, but in fairness, there was no way to know my more impractical ideas wouldn't work.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While the JTP was finally getting some help, the AV Club was about to get some very exciting news.
Coach Nick: Listen up, AV scrubs. Every club has to have a faculty advisor. Due to me losing 12 consecutive rounds of rock-paper-scissors, I'm yours. Anyway, as I tend to see things through a sports lens, I've decided that we're gonna have a school-wide movie championship.
Adam: You mean like a film festival? I've been begging for one for years.
Johnny: Count Johnny Atkins in.
Emmy: Johnny Atkins? Since when are you in the AV Club?
Johnny: Since they found asbestos in the detention room. Heh! [coughs]
Adam: Question, Coach Advisor. Is there a format restriction? 8 millimeter? 16 millimeter? Super 8? Super 16?
Coach Nick: Super annoying question! Make a movie!
Adam: Dealer's choice on the format. Nice.
Coach Nick: Just know I like movies about sports, war, and lost dogs finding their way home.

Emmy: What can we expect from our big-time director over here?
Adam: My development slate for next year is pretty full, but I can fast-track a festival darling.
Dave Kim: He's totally insufferable. That's how you know he's the best.
Adam: Although, I might take a quick do-si-do outside my comfort zone. I'll be working in the new Super VHS.
Emmy: But you'll need to buy a new camera.
Adam: Silly Emmy. I'm what you call completely spoiled.