Geoff: Okay, so, I spent the morning making some repairs. I snaked the toilet...
Naked Rob: There was a snake stuck in there?
Barry: Ohh!
Naked Rob: Awesome! What a tale of survival. Nature is amazing.
Geoff: Not an actual snake. And moving on.

Geoff: I patched the walls, set up a house account, and paid your bills. Now all that's left for you guys to do is call the gas company and set up an appointment for them to turn it back on.
Barry: Or you do it and we'll watch so we'll know how to do it next time.
Matt: I can't guarantee I'm gonna watch.
Geoff: I-It's a big hassle, and there's often a lot of time on hold, so...
Naked Rob: That's no way to sell us on doing it, bro.

Barry: Geoffrey, as a "thank you" for the tasks you've done and the many that remain, I'm gonna cede my title as house manager to you.
Geoff: No... The house manager should be someone who actually lives in the house. And plus, I'm pretty busy now.
Matt: It's just, I fear it won't get done and Andy's little body won't survive the winter.
Andy: [coughs]
Geoff: Okay, fine! I'll be your house manager!
Barry: Atta boy! And take it from me, it's a pretty cushy position. The other guys give you hundreds of dollars every month.
Matt: Actually, Bar, that's for rent.
Barry: Oh. That makes more sense. Too bad the taxidermist said no refunds or exchanges.
Matt: You said you found them!
Barry: No. I said I posed them.
Geoff: This is gonna be a nightmare.
Barry: Yeah, it is. Slap me some paw.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Geoff was realizing he was a pleaser, I was beyond pleased to be shopping for cutting-edge film technology, the S-VHS camera.
Adam: Oh, my God. It's glorious.
Dave Kim: Totally. But why, exactly?
Adam: According to people in the know, it's slightly better.
Dave Kim: You'll be paying so much for so little.
Adam: I need it and don't care what it costs my parents.

Adam: Excuse me? Sir? Could you show me this bad mamma-jamma?
Other Adam: Be prepared to have your world nudged.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was my former rival, the other Adam Goldberg!
Adam: It's you! Adam Goldberg! I heard you went to Hollywood.
Other Adam: Technically, I was living in a town called Duarte, but yeah, I chased my dreams.
Dave Kim: Word on the street is you had a line on The Love Boat.
Other Adam: Yep. "Which one of you ladies ordered the white wine?" Also booked a rad McDLT spot, but... Whatever.
Dave Kim: You were the dude who suggests they keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool.
Adam: So, what are you doing back here?
Other Adam: Reevaluating. It's rough out there, man. My McDLT spot was seven months ago. Since then, I haven't exactly been on the hot side of the burger box.
Adam: But you're crazy talented.
Other Adam: I had big dreams, but the streets of Hollywood are littered with guys like me. And actual litter. Place is filthy.
Adam: No offense, but... I'll probably make it, right?
Other Adam: You may be the best filmmaker in your dinky school, but you'd be a dime a dozen out there.
Manager: Goldberg! Stop crushing customers' dreams and get on that rickety ladder and pull down one of the heavy TVs.
Other Adam: Enjoy making your little high school movie, kid. It's only downhill from here.

Beverly: Did you buy your recklessly expensive camera, Schmoo?
Adam: Actually, I've decided to give up filmmaking forever.
Beverly: What? But that's your life's ambition.
Adam: Eh. Maybe I'll be a lawyer. Or a CPA. Or I don't know... Bricklayer. Is that a real thing?
Beverly: Manual labor? Look at me. Look at me. Who did this to you?
Adam: Nobody did anything. I just bumped into the other Adam Goldberg working at the camera place.
Beverly: Oh, feh on him! What does he know?
Adam: Only everything. He was the most talented person to ever go to our school, and now he's back here, selling cameras. If he can't do it, I never will. Here's your check back, Mom.

Beverly: Hello and welcome.
Other Adam: Hey, Adam, did you leave this Philadelphia Inquirer Metro section at the store the other day?
Adam: Nope. Sorry.
Other Adam: Huh. Well, I better figure out whose it is soon, 'cause I gotta catch a flight to Hollywood, California, moviemaking capital of the world.
Adam: But I thought you were reevaluating your career choice.
Other Adam: I was, but then I got some amazing news. See, my, uh, ex-roommate's cousin's neighbor is friends with Brian De Palma's agent's assistant, and slipped him my McDLT commercial.
Adam: Ooh. Seriously?
Other Adam: Hm-Mmm.
Beverly: But, wait, there's more. I'd imagine.
Other Adam: The assistant got it to the agent, who got it to De Palma, who liked what he saw and cast me in his new Molly Ringwald picture.
Adam: Holy balls! America's angsty ginger princess!
Beverly: And I bet that could lead to other things.
Other Adam: No truer words have ever been spoken. Well, good luck on one of the easiest careers you could ever choose. And, uh, call me. We'll split a salad at Spago.
Adam: Doesn't sound like enough food, but I'm in!
Beverly: Oh, wow! I mean, just, wow. If something so random and amazing could happen to him, I bet there's hope for you, too, huh?
Adam: You know it! I'm back in the festival. See ya, babe. Have your people call my people.

Andy: So... Cold!
Naked Rob: Whose turn is it to sweep?
Matt: I don't know, but according to Geoff's chore napkin, it's Andy's turn to mop again.
Andy: Come on! I'm never not mopping!
Barry: Get me the phone. I'm calling Geoff.
Naked Rob: Sorry, Tasty, but our phone's out, too.
Barry: Oh, no! It's getting harder and harder to root for us.

Andy: Yeah, but it's super urgent. There's water everywhere, and we don't know what to do!
Matt: And you are the house manager.
Geoff: Oh, my God! Enough! I am so sorry, Professor. My girlfriend and friends can't stop taking advantage of me.
Erica: We're not taking advantage of you. You just are really good at doing things.
Geoff: No! You're all just too lazy and selfish to do anything on your own! And it was bad enough when I had nothing going on, but now I found something I actually like, and you ruined it for me, so thanks a lot.

Murray: Antoinette?
Naked Rob: That sounds wrong, bro.
Barry: Now that I say it out loud, it might be Todd.