Mr. Woodburn: Adam Goldberg... Sandra Day O'Connor.
Adam: Oh, no, thank you.
Mr. Woodburn: "No, thank you"? This should be enraging. Say your dumb words.
Adam: As you know, Mr. Coleman agreed that I'm a visual learner and always let me make a video.
Mr. Woodburn: As you know, Mr. Coleman was fired for tying a quarter to a string and stealing Rolos from the vending machines.
Adam: Paper it is. I believe you said it would be on George Lucas?
Mr. Glascott: 1,000 words on Sandra Day O'Connor.
Adam: How about Sarah Connor, the character from Terminator? Which is directed by James Cameron, which is who my paper will be on.
Mr. Woodburn: Sandra... Day... O'Connor! You know what? Everybody just sit quietly while I snap chalk!

Beverly: Ring-a-ding-ding. It's time for the Beverly Goldberg School of Learnin'.
Adam: From the same people who brought me a C?
Beverly: Woodburn had it out for us, but I think we both know if I hadn't been someone who could've been a lawyer, I could've been someone who might've been a teacher.
Adam: Wow.
Beverly: Wow, indeed.

Beverly: Check out our curriculum.
Adam: A book of limericks, The Baseball Encyclopedia, The Guinness Book of World Records... Superfudge?
Beverly: These are all our books. We're gonna learn everything. Here's our syllabus for today. Math, English, home ec... That's us making a pie... Lunch... That's us eating a pie.
Adam: There's an hour-long snuggle break?
Beverly: I know it doesn't seem like enough time, but it could also be one of your electives.

Principal Ball: I suppose there is another option.
Adam: The understanding that I've clearly learned my lesson?
Principal Ball: The shunning bench. [bell tolls]
Adam: The bench where kids wait to see the school nurse for their lice check? [bell tolls]
Principal Ball: Yes, but we spray it. And it's also part of a hallowed Quaker tradition. The guilty student sits there while his classmates scorn him as they casually stroll by. [chuckles] It's a hoot.
Adam: Sold! Gimme the old-timey benchy thing.
Beverly: Never! We accept the full suspension.
Adam: Why? There's a perfectly viable shaming option available. [bell tolls]

Adam: I gotta get my mom off my back.
Dana: Well, you could help her find a hobby to distract her. Maybe a bowling league?
Adam: My mom's currently in a legal matter with Jenkintown Lanes, and that's all I'm allowed to say.

Dave Kim: She could try my mom's hobby, drinking boxed wine while she completely ignores me.
Adam: Wow. You're so lucky.
Dave Kim: Totally.

Erica: So, I have an hour until my next class, which I can use to finish my chem lab and my reading for women's lit. How's your day looking?
Geoff: Eh, I gotta get this ball in this cup. [does so] Oh. Well, my schedule just opened up. Can I make you another tea?
Erica: I think I'm good.
Geoff: Cool, cool. Well, I'll just sit quietly, and I'm here if you need me. [clears throat] [grunts loudly] [groans raspily] You know, I'm just gonna make you a backup tea.
Erica: No. Geoff, I think it's great that you're taking a year off to find yourself, but I've got work to do.
Geoff: I knew it! I'm bothering you!
Erica: No! But for the love of God, yes!
Geoff: I really thought all this free time would finally help me relax after a very intense 18 years, but I've never been more stressed. I'm growing so much hair!
Erica: Stress makes you lose hair.
Geoff: Oh, no! Nothing is right!

Andy: Or you could work for my Uncle Ronnie. Yeah, he puts a box in my trunk, I drive it across the Canadian border, and then wham, bam, all the Hardee's I can eat.
Naked Rob: Yeah, bro. I think you might be a drug mule.
Geoff: What if I don't want to be Queen Latifah or a criminal?
Barry: Done! You will start your own insanely lucrative business.
Matt: That's better!
Naked Rob: I use businesses all the time.
Andy: I think I'm in real trouble.

Barry: Last week, I accidentally went to economics class, and now I know everything about starting your own business using the laws of supply and da man.
Geoff: I'm pretty sure it's "demand."
Barry: Wrong, Geoffrey. It's when you ask da man what he wants and then you supply it.
Barry: Dad, what do you want?
Murray: To watch Cheers in peace.
Barry: Dad!
Murray: Uh... Sandwich from Lee's.
Barry: Boring! [scoffs] We'll ask another da man.

Naked Rob: You need drivers? I'm looking for a little extra cash.
Matt: Me too. I- I hate these shorts.
Andy: And I might be a drug mule, so I am in.
Geoff: I have employees!
Barry: And a president/CEO/visionary. Salary TBD, but likely TB a lot. First thought, we need a name.
Geoff: How 'bout "Food in a Geoffy"?
Barry: Not poppin'. How about "Barry Up and Get Your Food in a Geoffy: A Big Tasty Biz"?
Geoff: It's definitely longer.
Barry: Agreed. I'll order T-shirts.