Adult Adam: [v.o.] So, I watched Amadeus.
Adam: How can a movie without lasers or Muppets be so good?
Adult Adam: And I discovered Salieri gets his revenge... and so would I.
Adam: You'll rue the day you messed with Silly Larry, Amadoofus! [laughs maniacally]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] So, Mr. Perott asked out my mom. Even though she was clueless, Barry was not happy. And he was not alone.
Mr. Glascott: [enters] Your mom was on the back of a hog!
Barry: He asked her to dinner!
Mr. Glascott: The meal where connections are made!
Barry: We have to stop this!
Mr. Glascott: Thank goodness you feel the same!
Barry: Come here. [they hug]
Mr. Glascott: You know, that's our first hug.
Barry: Eh, let's not linger on it.
Mr. Glascott: I always thought I'd hug Adam first, then Erica, and you last.
Barry: I knew you weren't gonna be able to hug me normally.

Erica: You two will stop at nothing.
Barry: Is that a giant Pixy Stix?
Erica: Mr. Glascott, I'm sorry to tell you this, but [sighs] your jealousy is a waste of time. My mom doesn't think of you that way.
Mr. Glascott: How dare you! My heart belongs to my ex. She sent me a letter through her lawyer demanding more spousal support. [chuckles] She's such a flirt.
Erica: So why are you all worked up?
Mr. Glascott: Because I have my cousin Gerald in my back pocket for your mom when she's ready for romance. He has his own bait shop, so she'll never want for small fish to catch bigger fish.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so, Barry went to confront my mom's suitor.
Barry: We need to talk, scoundrel!
Mr. Perott: Yeah, your sister was just telling me.
Erica: Hey, pal.
Barry: Why are you showing up everywhere with giant novelty foods? That's my thing!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Erica had foiled Barry's plan, my plan to drive Dave Kim to madness was about to come alive.
Brian Walls: His rear is not of this world. Um, what is his workout regimen?
Brea: Hm. Oh, he never works out, Your Majesty. He was born this way.
Adam: How can a just God give that fool such a rump while mine is so pedestrian? I curse the heavens!
Dave Kim: And cut.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my mom still couldn't see where the night was headed, I had steered Dave Kim's production in a new direction.
Adam: Okay, people. Time to roll film.
Geoff: This is so exciting. I'm a professional actor! Also, I lost my script.
Brea: I don't get these new pages.
Adam: I made a few tweaks.
Brea: Amadoofus admits he's a fraud and then declares Silly Larry the real genius? Then he poops himself and dies?
Adam: A death poop. Hilarious, right?
Brea: Why do I keep agreeing to do these things?

Dave Kim: Cut! He's ruining my masterpiece!
Adam: Balls! He's awake!
Dave Kim: I know what you're up to. I found your new pages on the back of the toilet!
Geoff: Oh, there's my script.
Dave Kim: You just couldn't stand that Dave Kim's the funny one now. That Dave Kim's the one everyone wants to be!
Brea: Don't get carried away.
Geoff: For starters, your hair...
Brian Walls: Your clothes...
Geoff: Sometimes your personality...
Dave Kim: Okay, Dave Kim is flawed!

Beverly: Erica, thanks for being open to me getting back out there.
Erica: Please, we're not just mother and daughter, we're friends. You can always talk to me about this stuff.
Beverly: Like how dreamy Tom Berenger is?
Erica: I guess.
Beverly: I like how his hair is so ruggedly curly.
Erica: Sure, nice lettuce.
Beverly: You can tell he's a bad boy who does bad things.
Erica: Bad... [chuckles] That's how I'm starting to feel.
Beverly: Major League? More like major yum. Am I right?
Erica: Okay, that's it! I'm out.
Beverly: You know what? I'm gonna keep this magazine, if that's okay.
Erica: Oh, totally fine. Friendship over.

Beverly: Exactly how many movies have you s een without me, Geoff?
Geoff: You know, uh, close to none.
Barry: Drama.
Adam: I'm on the edge of my floor!
Beverly: Shh! This is the best part.
Erica: How... many?
Geoff: The normal amount.
Erica: Give me the number, husband.
Beverly: She's so powerful in this.
Adam: The tension is too much.
Barry: It's like watching the sequel to Who Ate My Cream Cheese?
Geoff: All of them, okay? I've seen all the movies! Sometimes twice!
Barry: Yes!
Adam: Predictable, but satisfying.
Erica: They're flawed characters, but you root for 'em!
[Erica dumps popcorn over Geoff]

Mr. Perott: Speaking of nice outfits, that's a great sweater, Beverly.
Beverly: Thank you, Joe. I don't love that shirt on you. It draws all the color out of your face, and you're already very pale to begin with.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, she really wasn't used to attention.