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‘Reality Bites’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Reality Bites

503. Reality Bites

Aired September 26, 1994

Will upsets Nicky after getting into an altercation with his favorite children's entertainer.

Quote from Will

Ashley: Well, Dougie's his hero. Didn't you have heroes when you were a kid?
Will: Yeah, Shaft.
Ashley: And how did you feel when you found out that Shaft wasn't real?
Will: What are you talking about? No, I'm saying, he was based on an actual guy.
Ashley: No, he wasn't.
Will: He was too, Ashley.
Ashley: Shaft is fictional, Will.
Will: I'm saying, he went to Africa and everything.

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Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Geoffrey, if I were a potato, where would I be?

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Look at this.
Will: "Powerful Earthquake Rattles Northern Coast."
Hilary: Oh, boo-hoo. This.
Will: "Television personality Leeza Gibbons was shocked that the woman attempting to vandalize her car was none other than rival talk-show host Hilary Banks. Banks, seen here wielding a potato..."
Hilary: Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing. I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car and it didn't make a scratch. At least they didn't catch me putting my keys in her exhaust pipe.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Will, when I was a little girl, I got so mad at your mother I stopped speaking to her for weeks.
Will: Heh. Really? It's hard to imagine you being quiet for that long, Aunt Viv. [laughing] Go on.
Vivian: She gave away one of my favorite toys. It was a Raggedy Ann doll. But I got over it.
Vy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. My mom told me about that. Didn't you chop the head off her teddy bear and flush it down the toilet?
Vivian: That's how I got over it.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Geoffrey. Geoffrey! Geoffrey!
Geoffrey: Yes, Miss Hilary?
Hilary: I have been calling you for 15 minutes. Didn't you hear me?
Geoffrey: Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name I was rather enjoying it.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I need to tape Leeza Gibbons' show. I'm gonna record every nasty thing she says and then I'm gonna sue her for definition of character. Now, how do you turn this on?
Geoffrey: Why don't you just use the VCR?
Hilary: Geoffrey, if I knew how to use the VCR, would I need this camera? No, I would not. Oh, it's already started. Turn it on.

Quote from Will

Will: Yo, Nicky, you ready?
Nicky: Almost. Hurry up, man, we got to get on.
Carlton: Where's Nicky? Today is children's day at the Nixon Library.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, man. Nicky's going with me. I'm taking him to the sorority beach-volleyball tournament. Mm. Two hundred honeys bumping and spiking. You know what I mean? Heh. You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't know what I mean.
Carlton: Will, you're just Nicky's cousin, I'm his brother. I'm a big branch of his family tree.
Will: Mm. Then why are your limbs so short?

Quote from Hilary

Will: Whoa, nice flowers. Another stalker?
Hilary: I wish. I had a problem at the studio today.
Geoffrey: What happened?
Hilary: Well, I was late for my talk-show taping, so I parked in the first space I could find. I found out later it was Leeza Gibbons' spot and she had my car towed. [sighs] I was so upset, I sent these flowers to cheer myself up.
Will: Man, now who does a thing like that?
Hilary: I know, can you believe her? I don't care how high her ratings are, nobody treats Hilary Banks like this. I'll get her. And her little car too.
Will: You're not taking them diet pills again, are you?

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Will, you have to help me think of a way to get even with her.
Geoffrey: Forgive me, but why are you involving Master William?
Hilary: Will's come a long way from Philly, but let's face it he's still a common street hood from the wrong side of the tracks. So will you help me?
Will: Oh, gee, you know, when you put it that way... no.

Quote from Nicky

Vivian: Where are you two going?
Will: To the beach.
Nicky: Yeah, me and Will are going trolling for slimmies.
Will: He be tripping.
Will: Ha, ha. Heh. No, he mean, "We gonna play in the sand." Ha, ha.
Nicky: Look, Ashley, it's Daddy's mad face.
Ashley: Come on, Nicky, let's go upstairs before Daddy's head explodes.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Will, at this age, Nicky is like a sponge. If he hears something he likes, he's gonna imitate it.
Will: Oh, kind of like Michael Bolton.

Quote from Nicky

Carlton: Mom, presenting the all new and improved Nicholas Banks.
Vivian: Look at you.
Carlton: Nicky and I are gonna be spending more time together, especially since he's... M-A-D at W-I-L-L.
Vivian: How do you like your new clothes, baby?
Nicky: Mommy, I H-A-T-E them.
Carlton: From now on, it's you and me, Nicky. The fabulous Banks boys.
Nicky: Great.

Quote from Will

Will: Freeze, munchkins!
Santa Claus: They're not munchkins, son, they're elves.
Will: Oh, yeah? Who are you, Keebler?
Santa Claus: [laughs] Oh, boy, you're not even close.
Will: All right, look here, dude. Check it out. Um I'm about to give a little ring-a-ding-ding to Bel-Air Security. So if you and any of your little friends took anything, you better put it back.
Santa Claus: Now, you hold on there, young man. Nobody talks to Santa Claus like that.
Will: Oh, I'm sorry. Santa Claus. Right on, yeah. Everybody knows Santa Claus is a Clippers fan.
Santa Claus: I am not. I just can't move these things. Now, you listen to me, sonny. I don't usually make off-season visits but you were about to do something terrible to your cousin Nicky. You don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Will: No.
Santa Claus: No, of course you don't. Maybe this year I'll put a brain in your stocking.
Will: Why do these make-believe guys keep pushing me?

Quote from Will

Santa Claus: Come on over here. Sit down, right here.
Will: Unh-unh. [chuckles] Now, what are you talking about with Nicky?
Santa Claus: Will, being a child today is tougher than any time that I can remember. But, Nicky... Nicky is blessed with a very precious gift. Innocence. And you were about to take that away from him.
Will: No, I didn't wanna do that. I just don't want him to be mad at me forever.
Santa Claus: Aw, Will, nothing is forever with children. They grow up and they forget. Hey, remember something you used to believe in me once. Maybe you ought to try believing in me again. [chuckles] Oh, here, here. You be a good boy. And tell Carlton to stop faxing me. I cannot get him into Princeton.

Quote from Will

Nicky: Will! Will!
Will: Nicky. Nicky. Hey.
Nicky: Santa was here. Did you see him?
Will: Uh, yeah, we was kicking it in the pool house.
Nicky: You know Santa?
Will: Know him? Who do you think gave him the idea for that mistletoe thing?
Nicky: You?
Will: Oh, yeah. See, we was chilling back in Philly one night. It was me, Santa, the tooth fairy and Shaft, right?
Nicky: Who's Shaft?
Will: Who's Shaft? Oh, Nicky, there's so much I got to teach you. See, Shaft was a complicated man.

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