Fez: Now, has any of you ever had a dream where you were with the opposite of a girl?
Kelso: Like two girls? Sure.
Fez: No. See, I had a dream and it was erotic and it was about Kelso.
Donna: What?
Eric: Wow! Wow!
Donna: That is awesome! Fez, you gotta tell us about this dream.
Kelso: Wh- No, you don't gotta. Look at him! He's undressing me with his eyes right now!
Fez: You undressed yourself, you son of a bitch!

Eric: Fez. Tell us what happened. And- And don't be afraid to use colorful words like "sweaty" or "fondle" or "forbidden." Go ahead.
Fez: Well... Kelso was a nurse. And there was sponging.
Kelso: Oh!
Fez: But, hey, maybe- maybe the dream continued, and we went to find some girls.
Kelso: Well, did it continue?
Fez: No! What could this mean?
Kelso: Well, isn't it obvious? It means that I'm gay!

Kelso: Jackie, I need to talk to you. Something happened that could tear apart the group.
Jackie: I don't care. Okay? You have to go right now.
Kelso: Jackie, Fez had a sex dream about me.
Jackie: You poor baby!
Kelso: What if he's in love with me? I don't know that I can return those feelings.
Jackie: No, of course you can't.
Kelso: I mean, sure, he's super cool and he's good looking and we have a ton in common. But I can't...
Jackie: I know. I know, baby. I know.
Kelso: I just wonder what I did to make this happen. I mean, should I have tried to be less desirable?
Jackie: Michael, the beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create.
Kelso: That's true.

Kitty: Oh, oh! Look, girls, there's the boys! Hands off though. They're minors.
Fez: Mrs. Kitty we need your medical expertise.
Kitty: Honey, if you've got V.D., I'm not looking at it.

Kitty: Oh, look, Red. All of my colleagues gathered together to talk about health and medicine.
Red: And to drink until their livers turn into cocktail onions.
Kitty: Red, it is not that bad.
Red: Yeah? What about last year when you and your buddies took the bellboy's pants?
Kitty: Well, they were all wet.
Red: Because you threw him in the pool!

Fez: You know, if I were God, this is what heaven would be like- pretty girls in white and free egg rolls.
Eric: Fez, I thought you said heaven would be French maids with licorice hair and gumdrop nipples.
Fez: Oh, no, that's my 30th birthday.

Eric: Aw, look at him. All tuckered out from a day of chasing nurses.
Kelso: Yeah, he's like a gigantic, horny baby.
Eric: I bet he's having sweet dreams.
[Fez's dream sequence:]
Nurse: Welcome to the clinic for sexy foreigners. Tell me where it hurts, baby.
Fez: Oh, I have a bad case of horniness for nurses.
Nurse: What you need is a sexy sponge bath.
Fez: I like the way you operate.
Nurse: How's that?
Fez: It's not bad.
Nurse: But I sure am.
Fez: Yes, you are, naughty nurse. Maybe you need a little spanking.
Kelso: Maybe I do. Now, why don't you turn your head and cough?
Fez: Aah!
Kelso: Oh, what's the problem, buddy?
Fez: Aah!
[Fez wakes up screaming:]
Kelso: What's the problem, buddy?
Fez: Aah!

Bob: So, anyways, Eric, me and Joanne feel real bad since Red fired you. So, we decided to get you a job on account of we're pretty sure you're not gonna be successful on your own.
Donna: Isn't that great? See, now you can save up for school, and we can get married.
Eric: Wow. I had heard crazy rumors that sometimes parents help children, but I just always thought it was some kind of beautiful fairy tale.
Joanne: A position opened up at my company, and it's yours if you want it.
Eric: Oh, my God! I'll take it. This is great!
Bob: Yep. She's as generous in real life as she is in the sack. [Donna groans]
Eric: Wow, that's wildly inappropriate. So, Joanne, about my new job- [chuckles] I don't even know where you work.
Joanne: The dog-food factory.
Eric: The- The dog-food factory. I didn't see that coming.

Kelso: All right. Let's play some ball.
Fez: Why would you slap me on the butt? Is there something about me that would make you think that I, a boy, would like you, another boy, to put his hand on my butt?
Kelso: Uh, no?
Fez: Then keep your hands to yourself, butt-slapper.

Kelso: All right. Me and Fez are shirts. You and Donna be skins?
Donna: Once again, Kelso, you're not gonna fool me into being skins.
Kelso: Loosen up, Big "D." Fine! We'll be skins!
Fez: Oh, look at Mr. Handsome taking his shirt off. [chuckles] As if that were something that I would dream about.