Kelso: [roars] I'm a monster!
Eric: It's broken already? This toy's stupid.
Hyde: Looks like somebody needs a nappy-nap.
Eric: No, I want to open another present.
Hyde: Forman, just take a rest.
Eric: I'm not tired, okay?

Fez: Can I have a turn?
Kelso: I'm playing with it.
Fez: You're supposed to share.
Kelso: I don't wanna.

Red: What the hell? Where did all these toys come from?
Eric: Well... Dad, I guess I'm just gonna have to tell you the truth. It was Santa Claus.

Red: How could you do this?
Fez: I told them it was wrong, I told them. But then they drove a toy into my head, and it was all blurry after that.
Red: These toys were for the needy kids at your mother's party, you idiot.
Eric: Oh, man. There's, uh, no chance that they might want a raincoat, is there?

Hyde: Red, the thing is, is that these toys are too nice for the needy kids. You need to start them off with something simple, like a ball of yarn.

Eric: Look, Dad, I think we can safely say that none of this would have happened if you had just bought me an Evel Knievel stunt cycle when I was younger.
Red: I bought you one of those. Santa left it under the tree that year with... Oh, wait.
[flashback to Christmas Eve, 1972:]
Kitty: Okay, Eric's all tucked in, put out carrots for the reindeer, and a little wine for Santa. [laughs] Look at this thing that I got for Eric.
Red: You rev up the bike and Evel Knievel goes flying. In real life he's a moron, but as a toy he's awfully fun. Let me see if I can make it over the garage. Go! [toy crashes into garage door] Damn. I really thought I could make it over the garage.
[present:]
Red: Oh, well, everybody makes mistakes. I'm gonna give you a pass on this one. Just get these presents wrapped up and over to the community center.

Red: All right, Kitty. I brought some stuff from the house that I'm sure the kids are gonna love.
Kitty: A cheese grater?
Red: Kids love cheese. It's like Play-Doh to them. Look, don't worry. The real presents are gonna be here soon.
Kitty: How do you know?
Red: Because you have to believe, Kitty. Like me. Believe in Christmas.
Kitty: We need to stall. Read the kids a story.
Red: Well, I have a book in the car, but it's about the Korean War.
Kitty: Well, go get it. Better those kids suffer emotional damage than I look bad in front of the LOPPs!

Hyde: Well, since we can't bring these presents through the front door, looks like the chimney's the only way in.
Fez: I love being on a rooftop. You can really see the whole town spread out in front of you. It really is a crappy town, isn't it?
Hyde: All right, who's gonna take the plunge?
Kelso: Not me. If we were jumping off the roof, I'd do it, but... This just seems foolish.
Eric: You know what? I'll do it. I've always wanted to save the day by sliding down a chimney. That opportunity comes up surprisingly rarely. All right. I'm gonna do this. Okay, looks like it might be kind of a tight fit. I don't know if I'm gonna fit all the way... [screams] down! [thud] [o.s.] All right. Toss down the toys.
Hyde: Uh, it's okay, Forman, we're just gonna sneak them in through the back door.
Kelso: There's a back door?
Hyde: Yeah, I saw it on the way in. I just wanted to see one of you guys go down the chimney.

Patty Ryals: Kitty, where are the toys?
Kitty: Oh, um... This year, in order to build anticipation, I hid them behind the curtain. You can't see them now, not because they're not there, but because they're behind the curtain. [chuckles] Hidden. [chuckles]
Patty Ryals: Well, the children won't wait. Gladys, open the curtain.
Kitty: No, no, no, wait. Wait. Boys and girls, I'm sorry. I just, you know, I think Santa hasn't quite finished his...
[When the curtain opens, Kelso is standing on the stage holding a present]
Kelso: [sings] Christmas Christmas... [runs off]
Kitty: Okay, kids, go get 'em.
Woman: Who was in charge of giving out the toys here?
Patty Ryals: It was Kitty. I think she's been drinking.
Woman: Well, it was perfect. The LOPPs would like you to run our Valentine's party.
Kitty: I'm in charge? Oh! [chuckles] Oh! This is the same as Lyndon Johnson being sworn in on the airplane after President Kennedy was... Well, that was a tragedy, but I'm in charge! [laughs]
Donna: You hear that, Patty Ryals? She's in charge. So you will be taking orders from her. So put that in your face-lift and smoke it.

Kitty: Oh, look at the two of you. Isn't this just the most special Christmas? Where's Eric?
Hyde: Yeah, um... Um, yeah, just a quick question. Um, where does that chimney up on the roof go? Well, I'm kind of a chimney enthusiast.
Kitty: Oh, well, that goes into the bakery next door.
[elsewhere:]
Eric: Hello? Hyde? Somebody?
[back:]
Donna: I'll be at the bakery.