Donna: I cannot believe Eric went out. He's supposed to be at home agonizing.
Jackie: Well, maybe they went out to buy flowers for when Steven proposes.
Donna: No, they would have just sent Fez. They're out having fun, and that is exactly what we're gonna do.
[circle:]
Jackie: Okay, here's what I don't get. Why would Sally sell seashells down by the seashore? I mean, that's a terrible location for a seashell stand.
Donna: Yeah, I mean, if she wanted to make money, she would sell seashells by the subway.
Jackie: You know what she should sell by the seashore? Shoeshines, 'cause your sandals get so sandy.
Donna: Sandy sandals. We should start a girl band called Sandy Sandals. What's wrong?
Jackie: Well, sand reminds me of dirt, and dirt reminds me of Steven.
Donna: Jackie, I'm sure Hyde will do the right thing.
Jackie: You know, I thought if I really put myself out there, he'd see how much I love him and say yes right away. And then when he didn't, I thought, okay, well, maybe he'll take a couple hours and then say yes. But now I think he's only taking so long 'cause he's gonna say no. Donna, what if he says no?
Donna: Jackie, if Hyde says no, then you and I get a van, and the Sandy Sandals tour America.

Kelso: Look, man, tell Donna to just lay off, okay? Africa is gonna be awesome. You know, they have this bug over there that burrows into your brain, and it lays, like, a thousand eggs. And then, when the eggs hatch, they, like, shoot out of your head like little worm bullets.
Eric: Kelso, those worms aren't in Africa. They're on the planet Zorgon, which is from a comic book that you wrote.
Kelso: Just trying to generate a little buzz.

Red: Now you go down there with Donna and do a pull-up, and earn the respect of that woman who inexplicably loves you.
Eric: You know what? You're right, I gotta do this. I can do this. I just gotta be like Luke in Star Wars. I just have to really believe that I can. Yeah, but I don't believe I can, so this is nothing like that. Any tricks to doing a pull-up?
Red: Yes. You pull... up.
Eric: Thanks, Obi-Wan.

Jackie: Okay, the first event is the talent portion of the competition.
Kelso: Okay. Judges, I present you with a dramatic scene from the major motion picture The Godfather. [screams] "There's an entire horse in my bed. Why would you do this, Godfather. Why?" And then the horse says, "[neighs] Let this be a warning."
Hyde: The horse doesn't talk, Kelso.
Kelso: Oh. I was thinking of Jaws. "Look at my jaw."

Leo: Man, am I glad I found you guys. All these houses look alike. Except for that red one on the corner where the clown lives.
Donna: That's a McDonald's.
Leo: Well, whatever his name is, he's funny.

Hyde: One funnel cake, extra sugar.
Jackie: Oh, Steven, I knew you'd come back, and to show you how thankful I am, I'm gonna feed you a piece.
Kitty: Oh, get a room. Did you see Red?
Hyde: He didn't come back yet? That's weird. He was in front of me in the funnel cake line.
Kitty: What the...
[Red is being photographed next to two scantily-clad women]
Red: Okay, gals, say, "Funnel cake." Funnel cake.
All: Funnel cake.
Kitty: Oh, my God.
Red: There goes the fun.
Kitty: Well, I hope you're happy, Red Forman, because we are leaving. You two, get your A-S-Ss back to the car. You two, get your B-double-O-Bs off my husband.

Donna: Hey, Fez. Why are you staring at that milk?
Fez: It's from a breast. Simply remarkable.

Eric: You know what, Leo? This is my first truck stop and I love it. It's like... How did you find this golden oasis?
Leo: I woke up in the parking lot once.
Eric: And these truckers, they're like... They seem like great salt-of-the-earth guys, you know? Hey, 10-4, good buddies! Oh, crap, they're looking at me.
Leo: No, they're looking at me, man. Truckers love me. They think I'm Bob Seger.

Fez: Oh, it's as quiet as a basement with two former lovers in it. I can eat the tension with a fork.
Jackie: Wouldn't you cut the tension with a knife?
Fez: Why cut it if you're not gonna eat it?

Kitty: Okay, now, Red, please let's hold off on the cursing until happy hour.
Red: This year-off crap better come to an end or I'm gonna put you in a box and mail you to the Marines.
Kitty: Oh, don't worry, honey. Your father's too cheap to mail something that heavy.