Hyde: Man, I don't know what the hell the deal is with Leo. He told me to take a week off two weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since.
Kelso: Well, we need to find him 'cause we're all out of film, if you know what I mean.
Fez: I need film. Then I could take pictures of Nina and me doing it.
Jackie: Fez, film doesn't really mean "film."
Fez: Who cares? Because for the first time in my life, doing it really means "doing it."

Kitty: Okay, you two, since you won't bond on your own I have signed you up for the father/son competition at this year's Point Place Paul Bunyan Pioneer Day Jamboree.
Red: Kitty, that sounds horrible.
Eric: Yeah, I agree.
Red: You hear that? We've already bonded.
Kitty: No, it's too late. It's for charity. Now, don't forget your commemorative coonskin caps.
Eric: Huh. So that's what you'd look like with hair.

Bob: So, you guys, Joanne has been chosen to emcee Pioneer Days. Tell 'em why, baby.
Joanne: I won the tobacco-spitting contest last year.
Red: What a lady.
Bob: I'll be manning the hard-cider booth. It's a good way to raise money 'cause of all the drunks.

Charlie: Well, howdy, newcomers. I'm Charlie Miller. You can call me Charlie. This is my son, Mitch.
Mitch: You can call me "ladies man."
Charlie: "Ladies man."
Mitch: Did somebody call me?
Red: I'm Red Forman. This is my son, Eric. You can call him dumbass.
Charlie: Well, we don't use the A-S-S word. We have a reputation to uphold.
Mitch: We're the two-time champs.
Charlie: Little secret, Red. I tell Mitch it doesn't matter how we do as long as we're together.
Mitch: And why is that, Dad?
Charlie: 'Cause we bad!
Mitch: Oh, yeah, that's right! We bad!
Charlie: We bad!
Eric: All right. Dad, they have a catch phrase. Hey, what's ours?
Red: Shut up, dumbass.
Eric: Yeah. Shut up, dumbass. Okay. Yeah.

Hyde: Well, no wonder Leo hasn't told me to come to work. There's no work to come to.
Jackie: Mmm, did he leave a note?
Fez: Nope. Just this.
[Fez holds up a poster featuring a picture of Leo holding a sign which reads "Employee of the month, man"]
Fez: You know, he looked dirty but he always smelled like clean sheets.

Kitty: How can Eric and Red be fighting already?
Donna: Well, it's almost as if forcing them together against their will and giving them sharp objects... wasn't really the best way to get them to make up.
Kitty: Another hard cider, Bob. [claps] Make it a double.

Joanne: And now, the cow-milking event.
Mitch: Could you just award us our first-place points right now? It'd save a lot of time and embarrassment for our friends over here. [chuckles]
Eric: You know, it kinda would.
Joanne: "Babe the Blue Ox needs lots of calcium to carry Paul Bunyan's lumber, or his brittle bones will snap and he'll die. The first team to fill their barrel with milk and save Babe from osteoporosis wins." [Kitty cackles] And milk!
Red: Um, hey! There's something wrong with our cow. [cow moos] Her things aren't working!
Eric: You can't just yank on 'em.
Kitty: Red never was much for foreplay.
Charlie: Keep it coming, Mitch.
Mitch: This is amazing. It's like she was waiting for my magic fingers to coax that sweet liquid right out of her teats.
Eric: Move over, Dad. I'll show you how it's done.
Red: What makes you think- Go, Eric. Go.
Kitty: [to Donna] Well, honey, good for you. [chuckles]

Kitty: You know, Donna, I've been drinking... I mean, thinking. [cackles] I want you and Eric to get married.
Donna: Okay, even though I know it's just the cider talking, yay. [Kitty laughs]

Kitty: Well, I found out how much cider is too much cider.
Donna: A barrel?
Kitty: Shut it!

Eric: You know what? I don't care what my dad says. I am more committed to this marriage than ever.
Donna: Well, after seeing how you handled that cow, so am I.