‘Jackie Says Cheese’
Season 4, Episode 13 - Aired January 8, 2002
After Kitty gives Eric some condoms and sexual health pamphlets from the hospital, Red is caught trying to take one of the condoms. Jackie gets a job at a cheese store after her father cuts her off for dating Kelso. Meanwhile, Fez looks out for a new foreign exchange student at the school.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! What I have to do is show everyone that I am cooler than Thomas. You know, I once saw the Fonzie do something on TV that just might do the trick.
[fantasy:]
Fez: I am now going to jump over a shark on water skis to prove that I'm the coolest foreign exchange student in Point Place.
Thomas: He'll never make it.
Donna: Shut up. He can do it. He's the Fez.
Fez: Okay, here I go. Hit it!
Eric: Oh! He's crazy, man! He's crazy!
Hyde: He's at the ramp!
Fez: Ay!
Kelso: Yes, Fez!
Jackie: You suck, Thomas!
Eric: Fez, you jumped that shark, and you're not even wet.
Fez: That's 'cause I'm cool-a-mundo. Ay!
[reality:]
Fez: So, what do you think?
Hyde: Not only is that the worst idea I've ever heard, it was the worst moment in television history.
Fez: Yeah, you're right. I stopped watching after that episode. Thomas!
Quote from Fez
Thomas: How exciting. My first American road trip. I can't wait to see Lake Dill-hole.
Fez: Well, the wait is over. We're here. Now, hop out, you crazy son of a gun. [Thomas exits]
Hyde: This is the Michigan border.
Fez: Well, what do you know.
Thomas: So where is Lake Dill-hole?
Fez: Oh, it's right there behind the Get Bent Memorial. So get bent, dill-hole! [tires screech] What's the score now? Oh, here we go. Fez: one. Thomas : stranded in Michigan! Oh, I kill me.
Hyde: Nice job.
Fez: Thanks. I learned from the best.
Hyde: Thanks. I would've taken his clothes.
Fez: That's why you're the king.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: The Gouda's so good-a. The Havarti's a party!
Kelso: Hello, milady. "Fondue" you love me?
Donna: Stop doing that! All day with this. "Hey, 'fondue' me." "Ooh, I stepped in 'fon-dog-due."'
Jackie: Oh, my God. This is awful. Michael, a few minutes ago, I smelled stinky cheese and it was me! Look, I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't do this.
Kelso: You mean, you can't "fondue" it.
Jackie: God, will you shut up! Look, I am not cut out for work. I'm cut out for having rich people give me things.
Quote from Hyde
Hyde: Forman, it was my stash. I don't wanna leave you hangin'. But I'm gonna. So good luck in military school.
Quote from Donna
Donna: You guys, the funniest thing just happened to Jackie.
Jackie: Michael, the most horrible thing just happened to me. My father found out we're back together. And if we don't break up, he'll never give me any money ever again.
Hyde: Wait. If you break up with Kelso, you'll be rich? Talk about your win-win.
Quote from Jackie
Kelso: No, wait. Jackie deserves a celebration. Hey, let's go buy me that remote-control car.
Jackie: No, Michael. Money doesn't grow on trees. Money doesn't grow on trees! You know, I think having a job is changing me. Okay, think about it. A whole new me.
Kelso & Donna: That'd be great.
Quote from Eric
Kitty: Okay, enough! You, sit.
Eric: You can't make me join the army, okay? I'll cut off a toe!
Red: What?