Kelso: Great news! I'm gonna be a cop! [all boo] No. No, listen. It's perfect for me. The uniform will keep me looking hot even when I'm old. And plus, I love helping people.
Eric: No, you love humping people.
Kelso: Eric, a lot of times humping is helping.
Donna: So, you're really gonna be a cop?
Hyde: Well, he did shoot me, so we know he's good with guns.
Jackie: And you just know they're gonna partner him up with a dog.
Donna: Actually, you know what? It's kind of perfect. He'll get to run through people's backyards with a stick. He does that anyway.

Eric: Hey. I just got off the phone with the bank. And I didn't get the job because someone gave me a bad reference. And then I thought to myself "Hmm. I've only had one boss... you!" Well, I can't believe you blackballed your own son.
Red: As usual, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Eric: Oh, so you're not even man enough to admit it? You know what I think? I think you're a bitter, old man who's so miserable in his life that you have to make everyone else just as miserable as you are! You're pathetic!
Kitty: Honey. Your father didn't call the bank manager. I did.
Eric: Mom, please stay out of this. What was that?
Kitty: I gave you the bad reference.
Eric: Oh. Then, uh... [chuckles] I'm just kidding.

Hyde: I do need a job though since the Fotohut shut down.
Fez: And I'm never gonna get my pictures back, which is a real shame, 'cause they'll never let me under the bleachers anymore.

Fez: I cannot believe you hit a police car.
Kelso: Now, don't worry. It's a hot lady cop. [sighs] Just watch the master.
Officer Debbie: License and registration.
Kelso: Yeah. Just give me a sec here. [grunts] My wallet gets stuck, 'cause I've been working out. My leg muscles are huge. Oh, boy. By the way, I can bench about 220, so that'd be about two of you, little lady.
Officer Debbie: What's your name?
Fez: Oh, my name is Fez, but I have a girlfriend so you need to cool it, little girl.
Officer Debbie: Yeah. I'll try. Okay, Mr. Kelso. I'm gonna issue you a citation.
Kelso: Oh, a citation for being too foxy in a school zone?
Officer Debbie: No. A citation for $64. Bench-press that.

Eric: So if we don't break off the engagement, Red's not gonna pay for my college.
Donna: You know, maybe this is it, Eric. Maybe Red won.
Eric: No. No, okay? He's not gonna win. You know what? I'll just look for something full-time at the job fair. I'll pay for college myself. People do that, right?
Donna: Yeah, people with skills. But I mean, you're cute. That's a skill.
Eric: Stop.

Hyde: Man, I can't do this. Being around this many corporate stooges. [pants] I can't breathe!
Jackie: Steven, stop it! This is serious. If you keep pulling at cotton like that, it won't rebound.

Red: Stock boy. Need a stock boy. [to Eric] Not you.

Eric: So, if I work here will I have to slaughter anything?
Man: No, we're a bank. We're looking for tellers.
Eric: And just to be perfectly clear I won't have to murder any animals?
Man: Whatever you do on your own time is fine with us.
Eric: Hello, First Midwestern!

Kelso: Hi. One of your officers recently issued me a ticket. My name is...
Officer Debbie: Michael Kelso.
Kelso: ...Michael Kelso. Wait a minute. Officer Debbie? Oh, my God! What happened to you? You're like your own ugly sister! [laughs]
Officer Debbie: Okay, what do you want, Mr. Kelso?
Kelso: What do I want? I want to know how one minute you're all "waa-waa" and the next you're all- [imitates klaxon blaring] Good cripes!
Officer Debbie: Hey, now-
Kelso: I'm just saying, in your uniform you were, like, a totally hot police chick, but out of your uniform, you're a total pie face. I mean, good God! Wait a minute. It's, like, you got all your charisma from your uniform.
Officer Debbie: What is happening to you? Are you having a stroke? What?
Kelso: No, that's just how I look when I have an idea.

Donna: Hot Donna has now signed 87 guys! And two girls. It's, like, who knew, in our little town?