Kelso: Man, look at this place. There's tons of butt-ugly people. One day I'm gonna be one of 'em.

Fez: Well, I'm off to find Nina for a little field-trip make out. How many of you suckers have made out during a field trip? [all hands go up] What the hell? Was I the only one watching sausage get made?

Donna: So, you're ready for the big job search?
Eric: Yup. I got my resume, my very best blazer and a really charming story about how my biggest fault is that I just work too darn hard, so... How about you?
Donna: I don't know. This is so humiliating. I mean, I have a brain, you know. 2,000 records sorted by artist and genre. I didn't do that with my boobs.
Eric: That'd be a neat trick though.

Eric: I've always been fascinated by the veterinary sciences. Do you have any jobs available?
Employer #1: Yes. We need someone to usher our four-legged friends into the next life.
Eric: All right. That sounds fantastic. And how do I do that?
Employer #1: You shovel the carcass into the furnace.
[cut to:]
Eric: I've always been fascinated by transportation. Do you have any jobs available?
Employer #2: Yes, roadkill remover. Except sometimes the critter's not quite dead. In that case, you gotta shoot it. You're the "triggerman."
[cut to:]
Eric: I've always been fascinated by meat. Do you have any jobs available?
Employer #3: Yes. Triggerman.
Eric: Please tell me you're kidding.
Employer #3: The cows don't kill themselves, son. Although I did see one walk right off a cliff once.

Jackie: Hi. I'm Jackie, and this is Steven. Steven is a no-nonsense Sagittarius who's not afraid of hard work or true love.
Dave: I'm Dave, a shy Pisces who's looking for love and a salesman to sell on commission. The more you sell, the more you can earn.
Jackie: That's perfect for him! Steven, if you can get me to date you, you can sell anything.
Hyde: Uh, thanks, but no, thanks.
Jackie: Wait-
Hyde: Are you nuts? That guy almost offered me a job.
Jackie: So, what's wrong?
Hyde: Did you hear him? "The more you sell, the more you earn"? The more you sleep, the more you earn. That's my job. Damn, woman!

Fez: So, Nina, after walking around the job fair and hearing the word "job" a lot, it gave me needs.
Nina: No. We're at a job fair.
Fez: Please don't say that word.
Nina: Well, I can't go far from my booth. It's my job.
Fez: [whispers] Stop it.

Eric: So, great news. I got a job at First Midwestern Bank.
Donna: Oh, my God, Eric.
Eric: I know. And they have branches all over Wisconsin. So wherever you go to school, I'll have a job. I'll save some money. I can start school, like, a year after you. And I don't even have to slaughter animals.
Donna: Was that ever an option?
Eric: Ah, apparently it's the invisible industry of Point Place, yeah. I'm actually surprised the streets aren't running red with blood.

Jackie: Well, Steven, it is obvious you don't want a job.
Hyde: No. I was just holding out for one that has a cash register with a lock that's very, very easy to jimmy.

[circle in the hotel kitchen:]
Roy: [sobs] So I'm on the Golden Gate Bridge and everyone's telling me to jump. I was just out for a jog.
Hyde: Okay, Roy, here's what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna take that job as cook and keep you company on two conditions: I'm not gonna work very hard, and you're gonna have to pay me a lot. But, man, it'll be a bargain considering the money you save on hookers and shrinks.
Roy: Great. And if it's work-related, I can call you at home. Now I have a reason to get a phone.
Jackie: Steven, you're a chef! [gasps] If you can learn to make those fancy deviled-egg thingies, I will lose my fricking mind!

Kitty: So, how's the day going?
Red: Well, let's see. I interviewed fifteen potential employees. 10 dumbasses, four cretins and a mama's boy.
Kitty: I vote for the mama's boy. I think they're sweet.