Jackie: God, I can't believe Michael pushed me out of the way like that.
Donna: Me neither. I figured he'd use you as a human shield.
Jackie: Donna, the most noble thing a man can do is lay down his life for a woman he loves. Ideally, while she's still young and can remarry. Do you know who protected me there? Fez.
Donna: Well, he had to. He's Batman.

Donna: Hey, guys, we found something scary.
Jackie: Yeah, it was in the principal's office.
Eric: Oh, my God. Those look like... like...
Donna: They are. Our permanent records.

Kelso: Wow! Our permanent records. Uh, you know what? They probably left these here after the school burned down.
Hyde: Hey. Pinciotti, Donna. Well... looks like someone we know had a real hard time keeping their clothes on in kindergarten.
Donna: What? It was just a stupid phase.
Eric: I'm sure glad that's over.

Hyde: "Steven willfully and maliciously destroyed Christine del Bueno's shoe box diorama of the four food groups."
Donna: You're a monster. A horrible, horrible monster.
Hyde: Yeah, real funny, but I didn't do it.
Eric: You know what's really funny, Hyde?
Hyde: What, Forman?
Eric: Heh, heh. I broke the diorama.
Hyde: You? [thunder cracks]
Eric: Hers was better than mine. I had to smash it. I left out dairy.

[black-and-white flashback:]
Kitty: Oh, that was not funny, Red. Those were just little kids.
Red: Well, that's what makes it funny.
Kitty: Well, think about it, honey. Would it be funny if it were your own kids?
Red: But I don't have kids.
Kitty: Well, you might.
Red: What are you saying?
Kitty: I'm saying... I'm pregnant.
Red: Oh, no! No, I mean, uh... Oh, crap.
Kitty: Yeah.

Jackie: All right, everybody, just leave him alone! Okay? Because he may be a liar, but at least he's not a backstabber like Eric.
Donna: Stay out of this, Beulah.
Jackie: Oh, don't call me that.
Donna: Oh, sorry... Beulah.
Jackie: Fine. You know what? Donna kissed Hyde last year.
Eric: What?!
Jackie: Don't mess with me.

Donna: That... That's a lie. Hyde kissed me.
Eric: Well, that is just so much better. How... How could you do this, man?
Hyde: I guess I'm just a born troublemaker. Or maybe you turned me into one.
Donna: You are so dead, Beulah.
Kelso: Hey! Leave her alone, all right?
Donna: Okay. Yeah. Jackie told me Fez was a better kisser than you, Kelso.
Kelso: [gasps]

Fez: Stop it! Can't you see what is happening? Those permanent records are tearing us apart.
Eric: Batman's right.
Hyde: Look what we've become.
Donna: We're like animals.
Kelso: Those files are evil, man.
Jackie: We've got to destroy them.
Eric: But how, Jackie? How?
Fez: Oh, my God. Now my Sugar Babies really are gone.
[Hyde removes a box of candy from his pocket and gives it back to Fez]

[black-and-white flashback:]
Red: Kitty. I'm really sorry about what I said.
Kitty: You mean, "Oh, no," and "crap"?
Red: Right, that's it. I'm sorry. I... It's just... It was a big shock, you know?
Kitty: It was a really big shock for me, too, and I said, "Oh, good" and "Yay."
Red: No, I... I feel like that, too. It's just that I... Well, I... I needed a minute for it to sink in. But once it sunk in, I realized I was really happy.
Kitty: You really mean that?
Red: Of course I do. It's gonna be great. I can't wait to be a father.

Jackie: Michael, I'm cold. And this is stupid. We should just burn the files.
Kelso: Jackie, they've already been in a fire. They can't be destroyed that way.
Hyde: See you in hell, permanent records.
Eric: Now we have to swear we'll never speak of this ever again.
Donna: Except the part about Kelso buying us beer.
Eric: Yeah, naturally. But otherwise it's like this night never happened, okay?
Hyde: Beulah.
Jackie: No! No! No!