Eric: You know, Fez, a man died in that fire. A gym teacher. Coach... Smith. Some say his specter still roams the halls to this day.
Hyde: [ghostly] Take a la-a-a-p... Give me 20. Walk it of-f-f-f...
Kelso: All right, guys, let's just cut it out, okay? You're scaring the women. [crashing sound] Out of my way!
Hyde: Kelso, it was the window.
Kelso: [scoffs] Yeah, I knew that.
Jackie: Out of my way?
Kelso: No, I didn't say that.
Fez: Yes, you did, just before you knocked her over.
Kelso: No. I... I was protecting you.
Jackie: Protecting me?
Kelso: Yeah. I was trying to draw the ghosts away from you. Ghosts are attracted to movement. That's a scientific fact.
Jackie: You know what? I don't care. You're an idiot, and science is stupid! Donna, let's go.
Donna: Gee, wonder what we're gonna talk about.
Hyde: [ghostly] You're doomed!

Hyde: Yeah, right. Let's see what that file says about you, Jackie.
Jackie: Go ahead. I have a perfect record.
Hyde: [laughs] Would anybody like to know what Jackie's middle name is? [Jackie screams] Jackie's middle name is...
Jackie: No! [Jackie attacks Hyde] I hate you! Argh!
Hyde: It's Beulah.

Fez: All right, nobody move. Somebody took my last box of Sugar Babies. Oh, no, wait. I was sitting on them.

Hyde: Gee, Fez, you didn't give Forman a chance to pin it on me.
Eric: I didn't pin anything on you.
Hyde: No? Well, when Mrs. Hodgkiss was yelling at me in front of the whole class, you didn't exactly step up and take responsibility. What were you thinking?
Eric: Hmm. I guess I was thinking, "I'm seven!"
Kelso: Hey. Hey, hey! Let's not fight, all right? It's Halloween, man. It's time for peace on earth and good will towards men.

Kelso: Okay. Here's a secret you guys don't know about me 'cause it happened the year before I moved here. When I was in first grade, I used to wear this red cape to school and pretend I was Superman.
Fez: You must have looked really stupid.
Eric: Wait, wait, wait. First grade?
Kelso: Yeah.
Eric: No, no, no. When you moved here, you and I were in first grade. That's how we met.
Kelso: No, we didn't.
Eric: Man, you had to repeat first grade?
Jackie: Oh, my God! Michael, say it's not true.
Kelso: It was... It was cursive writing, all right? All those stupid squiggles and bumps. I wouldn't do it!
Hyde: You mean you couldn't do it.
Kelso: No! I wouldn't do it, and that's why they held me back! Plus, I might have killed the class bunny. [shouts] Why?!

Fez: That's okay, Kelso. Let it out.
Kelso: I mean, it sucked, you know? Living this lie, pretending to be a year younger than I really am.
Hyde: Wait a minute. You're 18?
Kelso: Yeah. That's why I've always seemed more mature than you guys.
Hyde: Are you telling me that all this time you could have been buying us beer?
Fez: You bastard.
Kelso: What... No! It's not what you think.
Hyde: You're dead to me.
Kelso: But Eric ruined your life.
Hyde: And if I had a beer, I could be getting over it right now. Beer!

[black-and-white flashback:]
Frank: Hey, Red! Great news! I found a way to drink beer faster! Come on!
Red: Go home, Frank. I'm busy.
Frank: Okay. Yeah.
Kitty: Oh, wow. [laughs] I think you're maturing.
Red: Well... You know, the truth is... Frank's getting on my nerves a little bit. I mean, he's... He's kind of... He's an ass. And he's dumb. He's a... [light shines] dumbass. Hey, come here. [they dance]
[present:]
Red: And then you gave birth to a beautiful daughter.
Kitty: Uh-huh.
Red: And then Eric.

Hyde: Man, she deserved it. She had sex. And like all movie sluts before her, she must die.
Woman: [screams on film]
Fez: No. She was about to take her shirt off.

Red: Jeez, I hate Halloween.
Kitty: Well, you used to love Halloween. Remember that party we had when we first moved in here?
[black-and-white flashback:]
Kitty: Oh. Mother Forman. I see that you let yourself in again.
Bernice: Boy, that's an awful lot of food. I can't imagine that you have that many friends, Kitty.
Kitty: Oh. Well, speaking of friends, how are your four cats?

[black-and-white flashback:]
Kitty: [answers phone] Hello. Oh, hi, Dr. Farrell. Hmm. Really? Oh, my God. Oh! Oh! Thank you. Thank you, Doctor. Yeah. Thank you. [hangs up] Wrong number.
Bernice: Oh, God. No! You're pregnant.
Kitty: Yes, I am.
Bernice: Do you know who the father is?
Kitty: You know what I hear is nice? Florida.