Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Fez: Well, Miss Kitty, thank you so much for having lunch with me.
Kitty: Well, I am always up for a salad and a martini in the middle of the day.
Fez: You didn't have a salad.
Kitty: Well, olives and onions are almost a salad.

Fez: Well, I'm just glad I can come to you with all my problems.
Kitty: Well, sure you can, Fez. You can talk to me about anything.
Fez: Just to double-check, are you sure it's normal for one of them to hang lower than the other?
Kitty: Well, of course, Fez! Nobody's ears are perfectly symmetrical.

Hyde: Hey, guys, I got Donna's birthday present. It's a little wrinkled and musty, but so is Fez's girlfriend and he seems to like her.
Jackie: "My parents went to Lake Michigan and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
Hyde: I can relate, too. My mom once went to Lake Michigan. All I got was a half-brother.