Jackie: Oh, hello, Mr. Forman, what are you doing home? That's right, you're only working part-time. If it makes you feel any better, my dad feels really, really sorry for you.
Red: Aren't you supposed to be at Career Day?
Jackie: No, I'm a sophomore. I'm surprised you didn't know that about me.
Red: Right. My mistake. Listen, while you're here, why don't you hold this flashlight on that carburetor there.
Jackie: Like this? [triumphant music]
Red: My God. One of you is not useless.

Fez: Okay, question number three: "Was the food service industry your first career choice?"
Edna Hyde: Heck, no, Fez. I always wanted to go into show biz. In fact, I was in the Tommy Bartlett water show at the Wisconsin Dells.
Fez: Yes, women water-skiing in bikinis. Very erotic.
Edna Hyde: Anyway, I was the top girl on the pyramid when they fired me for getting knocked up.
Hyde: Let me finish this one for you, Edna. Fez, this is the story where I ruin my mother's fabulous water skiing career.
Edna Hyde: Yeah, well, you did. They said a pregnant girl on water skis would make the audience nervous.
Fez: Not to mention, you were probably hideously fat.
Edna Hyde: Oh, no, no, no. I looked great. I kept my weight down by smoking.
Hyde: See, that's that maternal instinct kicking in again.
Edna Hyde: Yeah, you're damn right I'm maternal. I raised you alone.
Hyde: Alone? Hardly. There was "uncle" Chet, and "uncle" Larry and, oh, yeah, "uncle" hot tub Johnny.
Edna Hyde: I suppose I should've just become a nun when your father walked out on me.
Hyde: Hell, he must've been crazy to leave all this.
Edna Hyde: Always a smart ass, Steven. Just like your father.
Hyde: You know what? One thing he did do right: He left!
Edna Hyde: All right. That's right, Steven, just walk. Just like everyone else.
Fez: Okay, question number four: "Would you say you are a people person?"

Kitty: Could someone help me get Mr. Anderson on the gurney, please?
Eric: I'll give you a hand, Mom. Okay. So, what's wrong with him?
Kitty: He's dead.
Eric: Oh, my- What? Didn't we just see this guy a half an hour ago?
Kitty: Oh, um, honey, he was dead then. I didn't have the heart to tell you. I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to meet him.
Eric: Wait, Mr. Anderson? Isn't this the guy you always talked about at dinner? The guy whose daughter just got married?
Kitty: Yeah. Yeah, he just showed me the pictures. It was a beautiful wedding. I'm gonna miss him. So, okay, you grab that end, and let's get moving. We have to serve dinner in 20 minutes.

John Kelso: And then we look at the chi square here, apply the standard deviation here and correlate the results with the actualization median here. And that's what I do. And I can't make it any clearer than that.
Kelso: I'm just gonna say you're a farmer.

Edna Hyde: Steven, you came back. You don't know what that means to me.
Hyde: Oh, yeah?
Edna Hyde: Yeah. Honey, could you clean up those pizza trays? I'm gonna skip out early.
Fez: Mmm. Guess what I did in the chili bucket? Go ahead, guess.
Edna Hyde: Uh, Steven, I'm sorry. I'm not being a very good mom, am I?
Hyde: No.
Edna Hyde: All right, I've got a better idea. Let's do something together. Come on, I'll buy you a beer.
Hyde: A beer? Yeah, that actually sounds good.
Edna Hyde: You got your fake ID?
Hyde: You know it.
Edna Hyde: That's my boy.

Eric: Hey, Dad. Hey, um, Jackie.
Red: Eric. How was Career Day?
Eric: Oh, it was good. I learned a lot.
Red: Good. Now you're going to learn something else. Jackie's gonna teach you how to hold a flashlight.
Eric: Jackie?
Red: Yeah, I finally found one of your friends I like.
Eric: Jackie isn't really one of my friends.
Jackie: That's one.
Red: That's how you do that.

Kitty: Who wants cookies?
Jackie: Cool.
Hyde: Thank you very much.
Kitty: They're carob. Nature's chocolate.
Eric: I think not.
Jackie: No.
Kitty: Come on. You wouldn't have known if I hadn't told you.

Kitty: Oh, Eric, I picked out a really snazzy outfit for you to wear on Career Day.
Eric: Oh, that's... goody.
Kitty: Fine, Mr. Grumpy but I can't wait to show off my little man at work.
Eric: You know what? Me neither. [quietly to his friends] Help me.

Hyde: Why Career Day, man? It's so lame.
Kelso: That's just 'cause your mom's the lunch lady.
Jackie: Your mom is Gross Edna? Ew! I mean, cool.
Fez: You bet it's cool. That's why I'm spending the day with Hyde and his mom. Right?

Red: Eric, I need you in the garage.
Eric: Okay. [to his friends] Look, I'll be right back.
Red: You can explain exactly what you did to this car.
Eric: Okay. [to his friends] Look, I'll see you tomorrow.