Eric: Guys, there are actual stewardesses out there, and one of them talked to me. I made this joke about how they just flew in... [chuckles]... and their arms must be tired.

Kelso: Oh, man, I'm the stooge.
Eric: Hey, come on. Kelso, if that were true, you'd have had to have been a screw-up your whole life. I mean, sure, you've fallen off the water tower... every year... since junior high.
Hyde: You broke your arm wrestling a dog.
Eric: And heck, no one's eaten more change than you.
Kelso: All right, I gotta say you guys are making a pretty good case that I'm the stooge!
Hyde: Well, if you're not, there's a guy who's about to step on a rake that I really wanna meet.

Kelso: I can't believe I'm the stooge.
Jackie: Michael, it's just the way some people are. Okay? Some people are lazy, some people are clumsy, some people are stooges.
Hyde: You're lucky enough to be all three.
Donna: Kelso, keep in mind you're being called a stooge by a stooge while a third stooge sits idly by.

Kelso: Guys, can we focus here? I gotta figure out if I'm the stooge or not.
Donna: Well, why don't you just, like, ask your captain or something?
Kelso: He won't tell me. That's the whole point. I gotta get a look at my file, which means I gotta break into the Police Academy.
Donna: Okay. You see how you took something that made sense and then made it weird? That's part of the problem.
Hyde: That's what I like about you, Kelso. You can make a mess out of anything. I'm in.

Eric: See, this is when a Bobby pin comes in handy.
Hyde: Why do you have a Bobby pin?
Eric: I'm training my hair, okay? I want more wave, less fluff.

Kelso: Guys, this is serious. Let's just find my file and get out of here.
Hyde: Hey, what's in here?
Kelso: Oh, it's the canine training room. It's where they keep all the samples to teach the police dogs what to sniff for.
[circle:]
Eric: [chuckles] Oh, man, these samples are way better than our samples. Did you see how quickly I sniffed them out? I could so be a police dog.
Kelso: Cool, training collar. You know, I still don't get how they could think I'm the stooge. I'm, like, so on top of everything. What's this thing do? [electric buzzing]
Hyde: Give me that, Kelso. Gonna hurt yourself. [Kelso screams]
Kelso: Hyde, that really hurts. Okay, do it one more time.

Jackie: Okay, so, this is George Washington, the father of our country.
Fez: Well, George and I have one thing in common. We both look good in a powder white wig.

Donna: Okay, so Fez, the Statue of Liberty was a gift from the French.
Kitty: The French? I didn't know that.
Donna: You didn't know that?
Kitty: I really don't think it's common knowledge.
Jackie: Okay, I painted my nails through two semesters of American history and even I knew that.
Kitty: Well, don't I feel like the hillbilly who wandered into town. [chuckles]
Donna: Well, it's no big deal, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Oh, I see. It's no big deal for you smart people who know everything, but for us hillbillies, well, we're lucky if we know how to tie our shoes and flush the toilet.
Jackie: Okay, Mrs. Forman, please don't get upset. Okay, here, drink some more fudge.

Kelso: Here's my file. It doesn't say stooge anywhere. Ah, good picture, but that's no shocker.
Hyde: But this is.
Kelso: [screams] I think the batteries are starting to go. That one didn't hurt as much.
Eric: You better let me hold onto this file. I won't leave any fingerprints thanks to my cool new black gloves. Man, if only these shot webs.
Hyde: Aren't those your mom's Isotoners?
Kelso: All right, guys, I gotta figure out if I'm in trouble or not.
Officer Kennedy: [enters] What the hell is going on in here?
Hyde: I'm gonna go with "you're in trouble".

Officer Kennedy: Cadet Kelso, do you know what the penalty is for breaking into the Academy office?
Kelso: No, sir, Officer Kennedy, sir.
Officer Kennedy: There are none, because nobody's been stupid enough to do it!
Eric: All right, you're first in your class.
Officer Kennedy: Is that a dog training collar around your neck?
Hyde: Oh, you're probably gonna want this. It's the red button.