Kelly: You know what's really good? Grilled cheese.
Amy: Hot tip, Kelly.

Jeff: Okay. I just spoke to corporate. This one time, they're willing to go up to $1,500. Final offer, no exceptions.
Mateo: Unfortunately, I'm still gonna pass.
Jeff: [scoffs] Okay, but $1,500 is as high as they're willing to go. I mean, it's $1,500. You understand that, right?
Mateo: I understand. The answer is still no.
Jeff: Okay, okay, fine, fine. $4,000.
Jonah: Whoa!
Mateo: Holy crap.
Jeff: And that's it. That's it, though. That's the cap.
Jonah: I thought $1,500 was the cap.
Jeff: That was the fake cap. Technically, we're allowed to go as high as $4,000, but that is it. That's the final offer.
Mateo: I'm sorry, Jeff, okay? It's still...
Jeff: $6,500, final offer.
Jonah: I feel like we have different definitions of the word "final."
Mateo: It's not about the money. Okay, the answer is no.
Jeff: Wow, okay, great. Congratulations, you just lost out on $6,500. Sweet dreams thinking about that. [walks away and returns] $15,000.

Amy: Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.
Kelly: Sorry, I'm working as fast as I can. I just have a few more left.
Amy: Oh, no, no worries. I'm not here to rush you, I just came over to say, "Hey, girl."
Kelly: Oh, "Hey, girl" back.
Amy: Hey, girl. Yep, just, um, came on over to hang out with my friend.
Kelly: We're friends? [chuckles]
Amy: Yes.
Kelly: I mean, sorry, it's just sometimes it seems like you don't like me.
Amy: Oh, you mean because sometimes I razz you? Oh, my God, Kel, you know I'm, like, the joker of the store.
Kelly: Because you wear all that lipstick?
Amy: It's just gloss, and I only wear a little bit of it. No, because I joke around with everyone, especially my friends.
Kelly: Really?
Amy: Yes, of course. You cutie.

Amy: Oh, oh! Someone's in trouble.
Kelly: Oh, my God. I hung that sign.
Amy: Well, it was probably just a faulty anchor.
Kelly: What anchor?
Amy: You didn't bolt the anchor?
Kelly: There's bolts too?

Marcus: Hey, how about you guys? Who's ready to join the boob cheese revolution?
Mateo: Uh, sorry, I was distracted. That guy has a real gay Dothraki vibe going, and #IntoIt.
Jonah: You should go help him.
Mateo: You want me to just go up there and talk to him?
Jonah: It's literally your job.
Marcus: [chants] Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. [talks] Do you guys just hate chants? Be honest with me.

Glenn: What happened? Who put this up?
Kelly: Um, Glenn, I...
Amy: It was me. I did it.
Kelly: Amy, you don't have to...
Amy: It's okay, girl. I got you.
Glenn: Amy, you did this?
Amy: Mm-hmm, yeah. I was just rushing, and I forgot to anchor the bolt.
Glenn: So you used duct tape?
Amy: Yes, I did. I really, really didn't think that one through.

Amy: Okay, that's enough. Look, can you please just not tell anyone?
Dina: Hey, like I said, you can count on me. And if you want to sell the lie, I will sell this lie hard. [slurping]
Amy: What... what... what... what are you doing?
Dina: I'm trying to work up enough saliva so that we can do a spit handshake. It's just, I've got such drymouth. I think it's the pregnancy.
Amy: Oh, don't worry about it. We're good.
Dina: No, no, no, no. Just give me a second. I'll get there.
Amy: Oh, God, okay. No, Dina, really, I'm good. I trust you.
Dina: Well, now I'm like a sprinkler. It won't stop coming out.

Jonah: Does it hurt when you rotate it?
Mateo: Of course it does. I got assaulted by a giant pot of gold. Everything hurts.

Marcus: Hey, man. When I cut off my thumb with the deli slicer, corporate gave me 200 bucks just for promising not to sue.
Justine: When I shattered my nose, I held out and got $1,000.
Marcus: Wait, you can negotiate? No one told me that I can negotiate.
Garrett: Man, you should have held out. You could have already launched Boob Cheese.
Marcus: Ugh...

Jeff: I'm sorry, why is Jonah here?
Jonah: Oh, I'm just here to give Mateo advice. I went to business school for a year.
Mateo: Before flunking out.
Jonah: Irrelevant.
Jeff: Fine, okay. Uh, for the record, I should point out that Mateo and I previously had a romantic relationship, but I'm confident that we can keep everything professional.
Mateo: I would also like the record to reflect that your outfit makes you look like the assistant debate coach of an Ohio middle school.
Jeff: Your objection is noted.