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Safety Training

‘Safety Training’

Season 3, Episode 14 -  Aired March 8, 2018

After Amy tries to befriend Kelly by covering up a work mistake, Glenn forces the staff to undertake safety training. Meanwhile, Mateo seeks compensation after a workplace injury.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: Hey. Don't you hate Tuesdays?
[A sign falls on Mateo]
Mateo: [screams]
Man: Oh, my God.


Quote from Dina

Dina: Why would you take the blame for Kelly's mistake?
Amy: Look, I was trying to show her that we're friends.
Dina: Oh, this is about the Jonah crush.
Amy: Shh.
Dina: Man, that secret just keeps getting tastier and tastier. Mmm, that is one good secret.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: Maybe I should get hurt again and hold out for that big money.
Garrett: Mm-hmm, I definitely think that's a good idea.

Quote from Amy

Kelly: I feel so bad. I didn't know Mateo was gonna get hurt when you took the blame.
Amy: Don't worry about it. It's like I said. We're friends, and, you know, it's like, bitches before snitches, you know?
Kelly: [chuckles] Well, I am taking you out for drinks tonight as a thank-you. You, me, half-off margaritas. Like I always say, there's nothing a little dancing on a bar can't solve.
Amy: Wow, did they teach you that in pageant sch... I mean, that is very wise and well-observed. I'm very excited.
Dina: Hey, don't you help her. This was Amy's mess, and she needs to clean it up herself, or she will never learn.
Kelly: I'll just text you tonight about what I'm thinking of wearing. [exits]
Dina: [to Amy] See, she does not suspect a thing. [clicks tongue] All right. Clean this up for real.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Hey, Amy. I thought I'd have Sandra work with you.
Amy: Oh, no, that's okay. I got this.
Glenn: Yeah, but wouldn't it be nice to have some company? You know, someone to help you and watch over you?
Amy: Oh, okay. I see.
Glenn: What? It's not that I don't trust you or that I'm worried that you'll injure someone else.
Amy: No, no, of course not. I mean, you just said it wasn't those things, so it's probably not those things.
Glenn: Right. It's a different reason.
Amy: Like?
Glenn: I will tell you later.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: [to himself] Just go. Just go. Just go when you say go. Just go when you say the word "go." Go on the word "go." Go! Ahh, damn it! Damn it! Bad!

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: What are you doing?
Marcus: I'm trying to get injured. It's just hard to make myself do it.
Garrett: You know, the problem is, you can see it coming.
Marcus: Yes, obviously that's the problem.
Garrett: You know, maybe, and I'm just spitballing here, but maybe you have someone else do it so you're not expecting it.
Marcus: That's not a bad idea. Do you think you could do it?
Garrett: Me? Wow. Whoof, that's unexpected. Hmm, yeah, I'll do it. I'd be honored.

Quote from Amy

Jessie: Amy? Hey, it's Jessie. I'm Cindy's mom.
Amy: Oh, yeah, of course, hi.
Jessie: I heard about you and Adam, and I just wanted to say I hope everything's okay.
Amy: Oh, yeah, no, everything's great, actually. Thanks for checking.
Dina: Amy? I need a urine sample from you.
Jessie: Oh, um, I'm sorry, I can just...
Amy: No, Dina, this isn't really the best time for this.
Dina: Hey, that's what happens when you keep screwing up on the job. We have to find out if it's due to drugs or just gross incompetence.
Amy: It's not drugs. Hey, this was lovely. So see you at the next PTA.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Um, that's the wrong file.
Garrett: That's from Glenn's mullet phase. That was, like, four years ago.
Dina: I can't stand this new system. I can't find anything.
Woman: Whoa, is that from the tornado?
Jonah: Oh, uh, you know what...
Amy: Uh, Dina, can you turn off the video, please?
Dina: No, Amy, it's not your decision.
Amy: No, I'm not kidding. Turn off the video.
Dina: Hey, what are you doing? Step back. This is very sensitive equipment!
Amy: Dina, turn off the video! Stop the video!
Dina: What are you doing?
[Everybody gasps as the video pauses on Amy and Jonah kissing]
Dina: [whispers] I think everyone knows you like Jonah.
Amy: Mm-hmm.

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