Jeff Quote #31
Quote from Jeff in Safety Training
Jeff: Okay. I just spoke to corporate. This one time, they're willing to go up to $1,500. Final offer, no exceptions.
Mateo: Unfortunately, I'm still gonna pass.
Jeff: [scoffs] Okay, but $1,500 is as high as they're willing to go. I mean, it's $1,500. You understand that, right?
Mateo: I understand. The answer is still no.
Jeff: Okay, okay, fine, fine. $4,000.
Jonah: Whoa!
Mateo: Holy crap.
Jeff: And that's it. That's it, though. That's the cap.
Jonah: I thought $1,500 was the cap.
Jeff: That was the fake cap. Technically, we're allowed to go as high as $4,000, but that is it. That's the final offer.
Mateo: I'm sorry, Jeff, okay? It's still...
Jeff: $6,500, final offer.
Jonah: I feel like we have different definitions of the word "final."
Mateo: It's not about the money. Okay, the answer is no.
Jeff: Wow, okay, great. Congratulations, you just lost out on $6,500. Sweet dreams thinking about that. [walks away and returns] $15,000.
Superstore Quotes
‘Safety Training’ Quotes
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.
Amy: Uh, no. I don't think that's true.
Garrett: It is. It is, Amy. It's in a PowerPoint.
Marcus: Now, we all know the standard cheeses. American cheese, cheddar cheese, pizza cheese. But what if I told you there's one more out there?
Garrett: Pepper jack?
Marcus: No.
Jonah: Gouda?
Mateo: Swiss!
Glenn: Kraft Singles.
Dina: Goat, Parm, blue, ricotta. I could name at least ten more.
Quote from Sandra
Dina: But just so you know, Kelly's gonna start suspecting something if you keep lashing out at her.
Amy: What are you talking about? I don't lash out at Kelly.
Dina: [scoffs] Hey, Sandra, do you remember any time that Amy was lashing out at Kelly?
Sandra: January 4th, you said, "Kelly, I assume you've been to a monster truck rally." January 12th, you said, "Two people saying you look like Reese Witherspoon is not a lot of people."
Amy: Okay, we got it. Thanks, Sandra.
Sandra: January 20th, you said, "Wow, did they teach you that at pageant school?" January 21st, you said, "Wow, did they teach you that at pageant school?"
Amy: Okay, we got it, Sandra. Thank you.
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: No, guys, stop just yelling out random words. You're throwing me off. But what if I told you there's one more out there? Human cheese! [all retch]
Jonah: Oh, my God, is that what this is?
Glenn: I've had five samples already.
Marcus: No, no, this is just cut-up string cheese. I don't have enough money for a prototype. But it'll basically be exactly like that, I think. So who's ready to invest in the breast? It'll be udder-ly amazing!
Sandra: That's cows.
Marcus: Damn it, Sandra! You're messing with my flow. Ugh. [exhales, shudders] Cheese, what is it? Dried milk.