Jonah: Hey, look at this. What is Amy doing here?
Garrett: That's supposed to be Amy?
Jonah: Yeah!
Amy: So sad.
Garrett: Well, you totally nailed the whole six foot tall, blonde hair thing.
Jonah: It's the best that I could find. Or, as Amy would say... [silence] I'm totally blanking right now. You go. Go, go, go, go, go. Go.
Garrett: "I look like a random white girl"?
Amy: Mm, nice try.

Garrett: Yo, Chief.
Amy: Hey, Garrett. Check it out. Shark attack.
Garrett: Ooh, that's great. Hey. I thought that you should know that there's nobody to let anyone in the dressing rooms, and it's starting to get a little weird.
Amy: Well, where is Betty?
Garrett: Yeah, Betty had said something critical about Lady Gaga, so Mateo assigned her to freezer duty.

Garrett: This is your fault. You're the one that outsourced your job 'cause you're busy with a work flirt.
Amy: Excuse me? What? Work flirt? What does that even mean?
Garrett: Everybody does it. You flirt a little bit at work. Pass the time.
Amy: No.
Garrett: I got, like, five or six work flirts going on at any given time. Hey, Jennifer. What it do, boo?

Glenn: I think my best quality as a parent is that I'm a stable, loving, married man. So I don't have groups of strange men wandering through my house every night.
Dina: It was one man, and not since I installed the deadbolt.
Glenn: Your brain's a deadbolt.
Dina: Yeah, well at least I don't have foster children that I raised currently in prison.
Glenn: It's a juvenile correctional facility.
Dina: Look, I guess you just have to ask yourselves, do you want your child raised in a home with loaded handguns laying around? Or do you want your child raised by Glenn?

Dina: What if it was just for a pap smear? Could I get a ride for that? They recommend one a year, but I like to go extra. [slaps nether regions] Make sure everything's up to code.
Glenn: Okay. I'm just gonna say it. I'm fine with you driving your coworkers anywhere except the abortion clinic.
Dina: Damn it, Glenn, you cannot talk about your personal feelings on abortion in the workplace.
Glenn: I didn't bring up abortion.
Dina: Oh, keep tempting me.
Glenn: He did!
Dina: You are begging me to...
Glenn: I am allowed to say the word.
Dina: I will write you up so hard!
Glenn: Abortion! Abortion!
Dina: I'm recording this entire conversation.
Glenn: Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion!
Dina: Thank you very much. You dug your own grave.

Amy: Uh, listen. About all that mannequin stuff, sorry. Everyone was just messing around.
Jonah: Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I shouldn't have even reacted. I'm still new here. I don't want my thing to be that I'm the sensitive one.
Amy: Your thing?
Jonah: Yeah, like, you know, Garrett's the cool one. Glenn's the nice one. Cheyenne's the perky, sweet one. Carol's the one that says "Hashtag" everything.
Amy: Which one am I?
Jonah: You're the, uh, responsible one.
Amy: The responsible one?
Jonah: In a good way! You're like the house mom of a frat. Everybody loves her. They just don't expect her to be the life of the party.
Amy: Wow.

Jonah: Oh, come on. Lighten up. I'm just saying you're not, like, one to joke around all the time.
Amy: I mean, at least I can take a little bit of teasing.
Jonah: I can take teasing.
Amy: Oh, really?
Jonah: Yeah. I had older brothers. I... teasing does not faze me.
Amy: Oh, teasing doesn't even faze you?
Jonah: No, it doesn't at all. I'm fine with it.
Amy: Oh, good.
Jonah: Yeah.
Amy: That's good to know.
Jonah: It is good to know. Wh... why is that good to know? What do you know?

Glenn: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me help you with that. [takes box]
Cheyenne: Oh, thank you.
Glenn: You might be carrying my baby.
Cheyenne: Yeah, yours or Dina's.
Glenn: What?
Cheyenne: Dina said she might be interested in adopting my baby too.
Glenn: Dina? Really? Wow. Well, whatever you think is best. Don't stress. Bad for baby. [returns box to Dinah]

Dina: Anyway, parenting's just about instincts.
Glenn: Oh, I've got instincts for days, lady. I've got instincts up the w-a-z-o-o.
Dina: Oh, really?
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Dina: [knocks doll off shelf] That was your baby. She just got a concussion.
Glenn: What? That's not even a real...
Dina: [knocks another doll] Oops. Skull fracture.
Glenn: Okay, there's a difference between... You stop hurting my baby!

Amy: And then real Jonah was standing next to bride Jonah, and it looked like real Jonah was giving bride Jonah away to the gorilla. Amazing.
Garrett: Oh, man.
Mateo: So funny.