Amy: Try a free sample of our new salsa, sir? [man walks by] It's good.
Dina: Nope, absolutely not. People are not gonna buy salsa from you unless they think it's authentic. You got to add some "indigenous-ness." You know? Just put a little Vergara on it. [as Sofia Vergara] You want to buy some salsa? Is for charity! Oh, Jay, thank you for my necklace!
Amy: No, stop it. I'm not going to put on a fake accent and I'm not gonna make up fake charities.
Dina: The charity is real. Yeah, check it out. All the proceeds go to the La Benevolencia Orphanage in Los Nogales, Mexico. There's a different child on every jar. I think it's a collect 'em all situation.
Amy: Well, fine, that's great. That's a very worthy cause, but I think my dignity is worth a little bit more than a few bucks for charity.
Dina: Ah, these are all Juan S's. I've already got that one. Oh, score, Luisa M.! She was born without knees, but she loves to dance. Must be mostly upper body stuff.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, be sure to stop by grocery for a free sample of Senor Cloud salsa. And in pharmacy, get yourself a flu shot, available in medium, mild, ay-yi-yi picante, and I'm almost positive that was written down wrong.

Jonah: You know, it's funny that you mention walls. Because that summer that I spent doing Habitat for Humanity, I was literally building... [both groan] What?
Amy: You know, you find ways to work that into conversation a lot.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Amy: I try not to say words like "hammer" or "roof" when I'm around you.
Garrett: One time you got there from Hugh Laurie.
Jonah: Look, my point is, there are people who do nothing and there are people who do something, and I am one of those people.
Amy: Hmm.
Jonah: The... the something group.

Dina: This is what you get when you've got weak joints. That's why I have a dedicated ankle day at the gym.

Mateo: It's like I forgot how to "espeak." I cannot stop playing the role.
Amy: It's not a role. It's a stereotype. How would you feel if I was handing out Asian food and I was all like, "Oh, eh, me grow up on a rice patty." "Eh, pwease, it most honorable teriyaki chicken." "Uh, so, ching-chong."
[An Asian family stands behind Amy]
Mateo: [normal voice] That would be messed up.

Glenn: Before we open, I need a volunteer to hand out samples of the new Cloud 9 brand salsa, Senor Cloud.
Mateo: Yes, right here. I'll do it.
Glenn: Yes, perfect, and I don't mean just because you're Mexican.
Mateo: I'm actually Filipino.
Glenn: Okay, let's consider all our options. Um, Amy, I've got a feeling this is right up your alley.
Amy: Because I'm Latina?
Glenn: No, it has nothing to do with race. You just have a certain natural spiciness.
Amy: [chuckles] No.
Glenn: Okay, you know, fine, I'll just, uh, pick someone at random. Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. Jesus saved us long ago. Don't believe me, what a shame. Judgment day you'll be in flames. [points at Carmen]
Amy: The other Latina?
Glenn: What?
Jonah: I could do it.
Dina: That'd be hilarious. You should dress like a matador.
Carmen: Honestly, it's fine. It beats a day of dressing room duty.
Glenn: Thank you. Think fast! Mexico hat!

Carmen: [Mexican accent] Yes, Senor Cloud salsa is very good for parties. And there are so many flavors.
Amy: She is from Kansas City. Why is she talking like Speedy Gonzales? I should say something to her.
Garrett: Absolutely not. Do not get involved in things that don't concern you. People here are quicksand. They will suck you in.
Jonah: So you're saying never help anyone?
Garrett: I'm saying don't help anyone in this store. Within these walls, helping is quicksand.

Carmen: [Mexican accent] Hola, senorita! Como estas?
Woman: Ooh, is that Mexican ketchup?
Carmen: "Jess, es berry" good.
Amy: You mean, "Yes, it's very good."
Woman: Oh, don't listen to her. You speak the language beautifully.
Carmen: Gracias, senorita. You want to try something special? This is, como se dice, pineapple.
Amy: Okay, you know what? Stop.
Carmen: No! You stop.
Amy: Talk like a normal person!
Woman: Excuse me, miss, but she is a normal person.
Amy: That's exactly what I'm saying!
Carmen: [falls] Ow! Damn it! Mother[bleep], Amy! [Bleep], aye! What the [bleep]!
Amy: See? Fake accent.

Glenn: Okay, there you go. Oh, and feel free to take a water. I'm an Uber driver in my spare time.
Amy: I'll put your stuff in your locker for you.
Dina: And I already clocked out for you, so you're not gonna get paid for any of the time you missed. Don't you worry about that.
Amy: Are you sure I can't drive her?
Glenn: No, I've been meaning to drop by the hospital anyway. I like staring at the newborn babies until someone asks me to leave. Oh, but I do need someone to take over the Senor Cloud salsa stand. [Amy shakes her head] Fine, I'll get somebody else. But it's a real shame, because that sombrero really pops on darker skin.

Mateo: [Mexican accent] Yes, es bueno por Cinco de Mayo, y quinceaneras, la biblioteca. Hola.
Amy: Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Mateo: I... I am selling salsa to support mi abuela. My burro has run away.
Amy: Right, uh, whatever this is, Mateo, I...
Mateo: No Mateo. Soy Jose! Jose was born in a small village near Oaxaca.
Amy: Okay, I get it. I get it, I get that it's fun to play make believe, but this is offensive.
Mateo: Oh. Like, I am sorry. I will "estop."
Amy: Yes, please stop.
Mateo: I am trying to.
Amy: I'm not kidding.
Mateo: Me neither. It's like when I "estart" doing the accent I cannot "estop."