Glenn: I love to get together with my employees and their baby daddies from time to time. You know, just so we can all get to know each other a little bit better.
Bo: Yeah, networking. Nice. Let's link it in, G.
Glenn: Yeah! Listen; I apologize for the mess on my desk. So many family photos, you know? Oh, here's one of me and my kids at the beach. Such a... such a special moment to share.
Bo: Whoa! This chair's got wheels? Damn, son! Living large. What's up?
Glenn: Thank you.
Cheyenne: Glenn, if you're trying to get us to choose you over Dina, then...
Glenn: not at all! I mean, it's entirely up to you guys, right?
Bo: Well, what are we talking?
Glenn: Excuse me?
Bo: You know, like skrilla.
Glenn: I'm sorry, what is...
Cheyenne: That means money. Bo, I don't think we should sell our baby.
Bo: You'd like it if it was your idea.
Glenn: [alarm sounds] Aw, French fudge! Um... I'm sorry. I have to look into that. Uh, but I'd be happy to, uh, you know, discuss bribe money... And skrilla.
Bo: Yeah.
Glenn: Bribe skrilla?

Glenn: The alarm means it's too full!
Jonah: The machine's just a little stuck, and I've got to... Just need to get this into the...
Glenn: What?! What have you done?
Jonah: Glenn! Every... I'm so sorry.
Glenn: Oh, God!
Jonah: I... no... I didn't...
Glenn: Oh, God!
Jonah: Who is that?
Glenn: No! You monster!
Jonah: It's nothing. It's nobody.
Glenn: You monster! What have you done?
Jonah: No, Glenn!
Glenn: [shrieks] Oh, God!

Cheyenne: Okay. We're just gonna ask you a few questions to learn more about what kind of parents you'd be, so there's no right or wrong answers.
Bo: Yeah, just speak from the heart, yo.
Cheyenne: Okay. First question. Are you a pedophile?
Dina: No.
Glenn: Definitely not.
Cheyenne: Nice. So far it's a tie.
Bo: Right.

Bo: Okay, so if a baby does poo-poo, would you, like, wipe it front to back or back to front?
Dina: Front... back to front. Front to back. Front to back.
Glenn: What an amateur.
Dina: Final answer!
Glenn: No. Uh, boy or girl?
Bo: Yeah, write that. That was good.
Glenn: Thanks.
Bo: Okay, so, uh, I'ma throw you, like, a hypothetical. Let's say you're, like, dancing around the room, and accidentally, you kick the baby in the face. How do you say you're sorry about that?

Amy: Well, that's great for you, Garrett, but that is not what is happening. I am not flirting with Jonah. This is because Jonah said that I was the responsible one.
Garrett: [gasps] No.
Amy: Yes.
Garrett: He called you responsible?
Amy: I know.
Garrett: Well, then I completely understand why you are attaching a shark to the severed leg of a mannequin.

Glenn: Do not point at me. I'll point two fingers back at you.
Dina: You wouldn't dare.
Glenn: Oh, yeah? Ha-ha!
Dina: Okay, you know what?
Glenn: See?
Dina: That's a violation of the code of conduct.
Glenn: Oh, is it a violation?
Dina: It sure as heck is.
Glenn: Oh, really?
Dina: Yep.
Glenn: Who put that in there?
Dina: I did!

Garrett: I said I'm sorry. What else do you want?
Amy: It's just careless to go around saying things like that. This is how rumors get started.
Garrett: I was just saying you were being a little flirty. I didn't say you were banging in the break room.
[When Garrett and Amy enter the break room, they find Jonah putting a Cloud 9 uniform on an otherwise naked "love doll"]
Garrett: Come on! Help me out here.
Amy: Whoa!
Jonah: Oh, hey, guys.
Garrett: Now, that is how rumors get started.

Jonah: This is not how it looks.
Garrett: Really? 'Cause it looks like you got a sex doll and you dressing it up to look like Amy.
Amy: Yeah.
Jonah: No. See, that sounds stalker-y, whereas I specifically bought this doll because it already looked like Amy.
Amy: I'm walking away. Oh, good. More people.
Mateo: Oh, my god!
Cheyenne: Is that supposed to be Amy?
Amy: No.
Jonah: Yes, yes. I wanted to get back at Amy, and there are no mannequins in the store that look remotely like her. Which, can we talk about that for a second? Why are there no Spanish/Latina themed mannequins?
Garrett: Oh, no, no, no, we not talking about that. Let's talk about this.

Amy: Jonah, what is happening?
Mateo: Do you own one of each of us?
Jonah: No! I went to a bunch of different stores over lunch, and then I just happened to pass this in the window of a sex shop, and look, it looks just like Amy.
All: Whoa!
Herman: Yeah, it does.
Amy: Ew! Jonah, can you cover that up, please? It's completely inappropriate.
All: Oh!
Jonah: Problem solved.
Amy: Are you kidding me?
Jonah: This is not a sexual thing.
Cheyenne: Amy, you've got a good butt.

Glenn: Cheyenne? We, uh... we let things get a little out of hand before.
Dina: The important thing is, we are here for you no matter what, and we want to do whatever's best for your child.
Glenn: So that's why we've agreed to share custody.
Cheyenne: Huh?
Dina: Yeah. We're gonna alternate nights and weekends.
Glenn: Yeah, and if both of us have to work late, then someone else can go home with it. Jonah. Amy. Garrett. We'd all trade off.
Dina: Like the class hamster each child gets a turn taking care of, this would be kind of the store baby.
Glenn: Exactly.
Cheyenne: Thank you so much, but I think Bo and I are gonna keep it.
Glenn: You sure? Think what's best for the baby.
Cheyenne: That's what I'm doing. And you know what? I think we're gonna be fine.
Dina: So this whole day was a waste of my time, then.