Amy: You look good, Glenn. Just remember to maintain eye contact, give a good, firm handshake...
Mateo: Give compliments, and try to make some jokes. And smile a lot. You'll be fine.
Jonah: Umm... hmm.
Amy: Do you have something you'd like to say, Jonah?
Jonah: A reporter doesn't care about how you look. They want to hear your big ideas.
Glenn: Ideas?
Amy: Okay. You know what? It's not The New Yorker. It's Stratus. They just want some nice photos and a quote saying how great it is to work here.
Glenn: Jonah, I think Amy's right. I'm just gonna stick with a firm handshake and an enthusiastic "Howdy-do!"
Amy: Exactly. But don't say "howdy-do."
Glenn: Rodger dodger.

Glenn: And, as I described to you in the other three aisles, these are standard fluorescent lights powered by...
Amy: Wowzers, Glenn. That's a great quote. Let's maybe move on from the lights now, okay?
Jonah: How's he doing?
Amy: Not so good.
Glenn: Between the fluorescent lights is standard ceiling.

Amy: Oh, uh, yeah. No, Glenn has... all kinds of great ideas just like that one.
Cynthia: You do?
Glenn: Yes, I do. Here's another one. [long silence] Framples! Instead of saying, "free samples," we should just say, "framples."
Amy: That's a good idea.
Jonah: Yes.
Amy: You should write that one down.
Cynthia: No, I'm good.
Amy: Well, I mean, it's not a bad idea.
Glenn: Wait, I have another one! "Shart." For "shopping cart." Eh?
Amy: Mm.
Glenn: Yep.

Amy: Here you go. Have another "frample." Wow. See how that just rolled off the tongue?
Glenn: Thanks, Amy.
Jonah: Why are you here?
Glenn: Because this is where the losers sit.
Woman: Hey...
Glenn: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please, enjoy your individual pepperoni pizza, okay?
Jonah: Glenn, I... I'm just trying to help you. If you come back over with me, I'll hand her off to you.
Glenn: It's no use! I don't have style or substance. Hey, maybe that's why iPhones never recognize my face as a face.

Jonah: Glenn, you're being hard on yourself.
Glenn: I've been here 20 years. You've been here two weeks, and you already have better ideas than me.
Amy: Glenn, that is not it. Honestly... I think that lady just has a crush on Jonah. She's interested in him because he's cute, not because of his bad ideas.
Jonah: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You think I'm cute?
Amy: No! I do not think you're cute. I think you look like a person who is cute.

Glenn: You know, that kind of makes sense. I mean, I can't compete with these geisha features. He looks like a panda and a Disney princess had a baby.
Jonah: Thank you, Glenn, but I... I do think it also might have something to do with my ideas.
Amy: Aww. Da wittle panda finks he fought of somefing. [Glenn laughs]
Jonah: Okay. That's a little much.
Glenn: Look, now the panda's feeling sad!
Amy: Aw, sad wittle panda!
Glenn: Aw, that's adorable.
Jonah: Tried to help.
Glenn: Aw, panda!
Amy: Sad panda...
Glenn: Aww, don't fwink we don't fwike you.

Dina: Now, before I start this seminar, does anyone have something they'd like to say?
Sandra: Okay, fine. Sal and I are having sex in the dressing rooms. [all groan] Ugh. I don't even like him. I have self-esteem issues, and I think being with him is a way of me punishing myself. It's messed up.
Dina: Shut up, Sandra. God, you are such a whiner. Sit down.

Jonah: I wasn't assaulted. It wasn't an assault. It was... Both of us wanted...
Dina: See? That's what happens.
Jonah: No, it was...
Dina: The person thinks it's their fault.
Sandra: It's called slut-shaming.
Dina: No, he's a victim. You're the only slut in here, Sandra.

Mateo: I guess my philosophy of life is "dare to dream..."
Cynthia: No...
Mateo: But also dream to dare. But also daring to not...
Cynthia: Okay, so the article that I'm writing is about the store in general and not any one individual.
Mateo: Oh. Okay. Well, if you do decide to write an article about me, I'll be in the stockroom, waiting. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. [points to his nether regions] Ugh, God.
Cynthia: Oh, God.

Cheyenne: Hey, reporter! Will you listen to a song for the jingle contest?
Cynthia: I'd love to. That's why I went to journalism school.
Bo: [sings] Cloud 9, come inside Let the savings rain down on you Ooh
Cynthia: That's... actually surprisingly not terrible.
Cheyenne: Really? Oh, my God, Bo. She loves it.
Bo: I'm psyched.
Cynthia: Yeah, it's good. It's a catchy tune. [Cheyenne squeals]
Bo: Catchy? [off Cheyenne's look] Thanks.
Cheyenne: You know what? Forget about it. Bo is the man that I love, and I won't watch him give up who he is, even if it means losing millions of dollars.
Cynthia: Millions of dollars?
Cheyenne: Yeah. You can keep your stupid money.
Cynthia: Okay, just to be clear, the prize is a $10 Cloud 9 gift card.
Bo: You heard her. Don't be trying to suck us back in with your fancy-ass lawyer words. Here's what I think about that contract right here. Ohh! Rip, rip, double rip.
Cynthia: That's not a contract. That was the directions to my hotel.
Bo: Whatever, illuminati.