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Magazine Profile

‘Magazine Profile’

Season 1, Episode 2 -  Aired November 30, 2015

Amy and Jonah try to help Glenn be more interesting for a visit Cynthia (Eliza Coupe), a reporter with the corporate magazine Stratus. Meanwhile, Garret tries to avoid the magazine photographer, and Cheynne urges Bo to enter the Cloud 9 jingle-writing contest.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hey, I need you to help me give Glenn a makeover.
Jonah: Which one of us was she talking to?
Amy: Whichever one of you uses moisturizer.
[Jonah and Mateo both follow Amy]

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Quote from Cheyenne

Bo: [rapping] Cloud 9, Cloud 9 You better come inside Because it's hell outside I don't play by the rules Sending tanks to our schools Immigration, deportation Kneel, dog Rock the vote Fracking Campaign finance reform, bitches! Pew-pew-pew What's up? [talks] That felt pretty good, right?
Cheyenne: That was great. A lot of fun stuff in there...
Bo: Yeah.
Cheyenne: And I really love the world of this rap. I just had, like, one thought.
Bo: Okay.
Cheyenne: Not that I know anything, but it's a little bit, maybe, too... political. I just can't think of any other corporate jingles that say, "God is a black woman."
Bo: Well, yeah. That's what makes it original, yo.
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm. I just think toning it down might give us a better shot. We need money for the baby. Now, don't think of it as "selling out." Think of it as "cashing in."
Bo: That's why you're my manager.

Quote from Mateo

Amy: Glenn.
Glenn: Mm?
Amy: Don't slump.
Mateo: Yeah. Accentuate your silhouette. Hand on hip, shoulders back, look down on the world.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey. Here's the deal, reporter. You're in my house now. You see those security cameras? I will have eyes on you... at all times. [makes "I'm watching you" gesture] You understand what that means?
Cynthia: Yeah, no. I got it.

Quote from Glenn

Cynthia: Hi. I'm from Stratus.
Glenn: Yeah, I'm... I...
Cynthia: I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name.
Glenn: I'm sorry. You...
Cynthia: How about you just...
Glenn: I'm sorry.
Cynthia: You... Okay, you talk.
Glenn: Okay, you talk. You talk. You talk. You talk.

Quote from Glenn

Amy: Hi. I'm Amy.
Cynthia: Hi.
Amy: Welcome to the store. We're so glad to have you here, Cynthia. Big fans of Stratus. This is our store manager, um, Glenn Sturgis.
Glenn: Hello. Welcome to meeting me. [Amy gestures for Glenn to smile] Oh. You're a pretty little kitty, aren't you?
Cynthia: What?
Amy: Um, how about we start the tour?
Glenn: Yeah.
Mateo: Yes. If you'll follow me, please. Right this way.
Amy: Smile.
Glenn: What was that? Oh, smile! Oh, I wondered why...

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: Why don't you tell her about one of your big ideas?
Glenn: Huh?
Cynthia: Okay. What big ideas?
Amy: Yeah. What big ideas?
Jonah: Your idea to revamp the store. Shake things up a little bit. This guy, he doesn't want to just organize the store by product type. He wants to organize the store by lifestyle. There would be an aisle for single moms. There would be an aisle for veterans.
Cynthia: That's actually... pretty cool.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: I mean, you could also have a green aisle put organic foods next to environmentally friendly home products...
Cynthia: I love that. Now, how do you spell your name?
Jonah: Oh, um, J-O-N... [Amy nudges Jonah] Oh. Uh, yeah. Honestly, I was just piggybacking off of Glenn's idea.
Cynthia: Mm. Creative and humble. You're like... a regular Tom Hanks.
Glenn: Hey, Cynthia. [shoves Cynthia]
Cynthia: Yeah.
Glenn: Maybe you'd like to come see my office. It's pretty wild. I have a calendar in there of normal dogs.
Cynthia: Okay. That's great, Brian. But I'm talking to Jonah right now. So where'd you go to school? [both walk off]
Glenn: Oh... She doesn't even remember my name.

Quote from Garrett

Photographer: [to Garrett] Hi. Would you like to take a picture for Stratus magazine? That sound fun? [Garrett moves away] Hey! What are you, deaf? Oh, my God. He's deaf!

Quote from Cheyenne

Bo: [sings] Cloud 9, come inside Society's a mirage and sex is a prison Uhh! [talks] Yeah, what do you think about that?
Cheyenne: I absolutely love the first half. I'm just not sure about the second line.
Bo: Are you serious? We've cut so much out. That's the only part left I even like.
Cheyenne: But the first line's just a little bit more like a jingle, you know? It's catchy.
Bo: Catchy? Nah, na-na-na-na-nah. Okay? That's not what my music's about, yo. It's been described as a lot of things, like edgy, dangerous, terrible, but never catchy! That's not how I am. Forget this. I quit. I'm out of here. Uhh.
Cheyenne: Hey, look, okay? I get it. You don't want to sell out. That stinks. But a lot of this situation we are in stinks. You think I want to be wearing maternity clothes to high school, even though I make it work, and I still look really cute? We have someone else to think about now.

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