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Employee App

‘Employee App’

Season 5, Episode 16 -  Aired February 20, 2020

After the Cloud 9 employees are forced to install the Zephra app on their phones, Jonah is worried about corporate surveilance. Meanwhile, Amy is innundated with texts from Dina on the company app.

Quote from Mateo

Marcus: Every time you take a trip back and forth to the stock room, you earn points. I'm already at "Stockroom Fiend."
Mateo: Well, I'm a "Stockroom Rockstar." If I ever get "Stockroom Fiend" again, kill me.
Cheyenne: [chuckles] Seriously.

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Quote from Sayid

Cheyenne: How do they even know that we're in the break room?
Marcus: Hold on.
Sayid: It's GPS probably. I bet it's GPS.
Justine: So we're only allowed to be in the break room if we're actually on break now?
Marcus: Okay, it stops counting out here.
Mateo: This isn't even a break. This is just... unofficial break room time.
Marcus: And now it's counting down again.
Sayid: GPS. Global Positioning System.

Quote from Amy

Jonah: While we're at it, do you maybe wanna change your passcode to something besides "0000"?
Amy: Eh, if I did, I'd have to change it on my debit card too.
Jonah: I know that's a joke. Right?
Amy: Not telling.

Quote from Glenn

Dina: It also uses your location data to automatically clock you in when you enter the store, so no need to swipe in in the mornings anymore.
Glenn: Really? [gasps] Hello, extra half-hour of sleep!
Amy: Extra half-hour? Glenn, what is your clock-in process?
Glenn: Oh, it's very involved.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: Can we all talk about whether it's an invasion of privacy for Zephra to force us to download something that can track our phones?
Cheyenne: Do we have to?
Mateo: Who cares?
Sandra: No, thank you.
Marcus: That's kinda boring.
Garrett: That's what every app does.
Jonah: Great debate, guys. It's very useful.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: How are we supposed to use any of this stuff when we're not even allowed to have our phones on the floor?
Amy: The new policy says that you can have your phones now. In fact, you are expected to carry them.
Marcus: [gasps]
Cheyenne: Holy [bleep]. [laughter]
Mateo: I am so happy right now.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: So to reiterate, we must download an app that can track our phones, and then we must carry our phones at all times. And everybody here is just, like, fine with that?
Marcus: Yes.
Justine: Pretty much.
Cheyenne: Yeah.
Glenn: What's the problem?
Jonah: [scoffs]

Quote from Jonah

Garrett: What do you think they're gonna do with that information, anyway?
Jonah: A lot. They can track what you do, what you like. They can scan your internet searches for keywords and then just send you ads for things you were talking about.
Sandra: That just seems thoughtful.
Jonah: Yeah, but then they can just package your data and sell it to other companies.
Glenn: And then those companies would give you the free help?
Jonah: I'm... I'm not doing it justice.

Quote from Glenn

Garrett: So you think you're so fascinating that Zephra's dying to learn which Beach House album you just preordered?
Jonah: Ah, the "I've got nothing to hide" argument. Where have I heard that before?
Glenn: Bible camp. "In Christ I have nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to fear, nothing to lose."
Garrett: Hmm, is that where you heard it, Jonah? Bible camp?
Jonah: Maybe.

Quote from Amy

Dina: Hey, this cartoon thing you sent me. Is it supposed to be you or, like, a depressing, aged-up Dora?
Amy: No, it's me. You can design your own avatar on the app.
Dina: And the purple streak in your hair?
Amy: Well, yeah, that's just for fun. To see what it would look like. I mean, it's not like I could actually pull that off in real life, right?
Dina: Oh, yeah, definitely.
Amy: Yeah.

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