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Employee App

‘Employee App’

Season 5, Episode 16 -  Aired February 20, 2020

After the Cloud 9 employees are forced to install the Zephra app on their phones, Jonah is worried about corporate surveilance. Meanwhile, Amy is innundated with texts from Dina on the company app.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Do you see anybody? Ooh, what about that guy? Oh, no, that's just a bag of leaves. Kinda looked like a person though, huh? Hello? [Dina is silent] Oh, right. 'Cause I muted you. Got it. You made your point. [sighs]


Quote from Garrett

Man: And so then I said to her, "You're the one who just got a raise. Why don't you buy the dryer balls?"
Garrett: Yeah, man, uh, I'm cool to show you in silence.
Man: Thanks, but I need to get this out. And let me tell you, that is not what she wanted to hear. So she starts in with, "You're just threatened by a woman..."
Garrett: [notices security camera following him] Hold on a sec. [rolls back] What the hell?
Man: Oh, cool. Is this racism?
Garrett: No. And don't be so excited about it.
Man: Sorry.

Quote from Justine

Marcus: How's the peeing going?
Glenn: Fine.
Marcus: Really? I can't hear anything.
Cheyenne: Guys, I don't think this is working, either.
Marcus: Nope.
Justine: Do you guys look? 'Cause I would totally look.

Quote from Dina

Amy: [clicks tongue] Maybe we should do another lap around the park? 'Cause teens still drink in the park, huh? It's what they do, still? [laughs] [cell phone chimes]
Dina: Oh, so you do read your texts.
Amy: I'm sorry, it's Jonah. I thought it was important.
Dina: And what did that androgynous sex robot say that was so important you needed to read it while driving?
Amy: "Getting Garrett good." With a GIF of Nancy Pelosi clapping from the Speaker's chair.
Dina: Mmm. Totally worth dying for that.

Quote from Dina

Amy: Dina, I am sorry, but you were texting me so much that I couldn't even do my work!
Dina: You could've just said, "Dina, you're texting too much!"
Amy: Well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. And the moment anyone tries to criticize you, you just explode.
Dina: Well, at least people know where they stand with me, okay? I don't pretend to be somebody's friend and then secretly shut them out. It's called honesty.
Amy: Oh, is it honest, Dina, or is it just you treating people like garbage and calling it a virtue?
Dina: Oh, you're so pathetic. You're so worried about having everyone's approval. I don't care if people like me.
Amy: Well, good, because nobody does. [guffaws] [Dina sighs] I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I... Can we...
Dina: Watch out, watch out!
Amy: Oh, my God! What did I just hit?
Dina: We hit a goose.
Amy: Oh, thank God.
Dina: [emotional] We hit a goose.

Quote from Amy

Vet: Her heartbeat is stable, so that's good.
Dina: She drank some water in the car, which gives me hope for her stomach.
Vet: She might have a broken leg, so... I'd like to get an X-ray while she's still sedated.
Amy: [snorts] An X-ray for a goose? How much is that gonna cost?
Vet: It'll probably be about $250.
Amy: $250?! That's like ten giant buckets of KFC. Sorry, that sounded really callous. I don't hate animals.

Quote from Dina

Vet: Yeah, well, most people who hit geese don't even get out of their cars, much less bring them to me, so it's actually nice to see.
Dina: Well, I used to have 16 birds, so I guess you could call me a softie.
Vet: 16? Wow, you do not look like someone who would have that many birds.
Dina: The [bleep] is that supposed to mean?
Vet: [stammers] Nothing. Sorry, I meant to say that I also have a lot of birds, and when women come in here with a lot of birds, they're usually older or not as attractive. I am so sorry that I said that. I'm gonna write up the X-ray thing... Try to do it very soon...
Amy: Uh, and your wife? Or girlfriend, what does she think about all your birds?
Vet: Oh, I'm single.
Dina: What about the dudes you meet on message boards and then bring home to bone? Do they like the birds?
Vet: I'm not gay. But I assume gay people also like birds. Okay, so, radiograph of a goose hit by car... not driver's fault.
[Amy and Dina gesture to each other]
Amy: Um, [stammers] I'm gonna go make a call to my insurance company and see if they cover bird X-rays.
Vet: Oh, they don't.
Amy: Well, I'm gonna go do something else then. [exits]
Dina: She's probably actually gonna just take a giant dump. [chuckles] Anyway, uh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to... walk me through the spaying process? It's just something I've always been interested in.
Vet: Yeah, for sure.

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