Amy: Look, I can make you one.
Dina: Oh, knock yourself out. I never got into the whole texting fad.
Amy: Really? You've texted me.
Dina: Yeah, to convey information, but, like, sending someone a little picture or something? It's, like, what's the point?
Amy: Well, sometimes you just feel like sending someone an emoji or, like, a GIF from a movie.
Dina: Why? Why would you do that to someone?
Amy: Okay, never mind.

Garrett: My man, I made something for you.
Jonah: Oh, yeah?
Garrett: Yeah, try it on.
Jonah: What... What am I looking at here?
Garrett: It's a hat lined with tin foil so Zephra can't hack into your thoughts.
Jonah: Okay, all right, I get it. So I'm just some sort of, like, wacko conspiracy theorist for thinking that a tech conglomerate just might want to check out its employees' phone activity.
Garrett: Shh. The lizard people are all around us; they'll hear you. [to a customer] Sorry, buddy. Not you. You look totally normal.

Amy: We got hit with a ton of graffiti that we have to remove. I'm not sure if it was a bunch of different people... [cell phone chimes] Or just one guy with a lot of range. Sorry. Text from Dina. "Heads up, spill in Produce," with her avatar surfing on a banana.
Glenn: Ooh, 'cause Produce!
Amy: Yup, I'm guessing so. At any rate, they spray painted a pentagram in Toys & Games, which I've just been telling the parents is a Frozen thing, so. [cell phone chimes] Sorry. [cell phone chimes] Apple emoji, orange emoji, grapes emoji...
Sandra: She's good at this.
Amy: Yeah.
Dina: Hey, Amy, ignore the baseball. I thought it was a shelled coconut.
Amy: All good. Just, uh, trying to get through some assignments here.
Dina: Got it.
Amy: Okay. Okay, um, where was I? Uh... Oh, right... Also, they spray painted "Greta is God" in the changing rooms, now... [cell phone chimes] Um, I'm not sure if they meant Gerwig or Thunberg, but not that it matters. [cell phone chimes] What I need is for you...
Dina: Amy! Check your phone! This is a good one!
Amy: It's a meme of Indiana Jones cracking his whip.
Dina: It's you, the boss! Apparently, it's from a movie!
Glenn: Wow, generations have changed, huh? If it were me, I'd find that incredibly annoying. [cell phone chimes]

Garrett: Sandra, did you catch that?
Sandra: Yeah. Listened to the entire thing. I'm always listening.
Garrett: Well, did it sound weird to you? He's never talked to me before.
Sandra: I don't know. A lot of people have never talked to me before.

Dina: Wow. [scoffs] Didn't realize I was so annoying. Maybe I should just sell my voice to a sea witch, become nothing but a pretty, pretty face.
Amy: N-no, Dina, come on. It's not like that.
Dina: Wait, so you didn't get my security memo about the Chafies?
Amy: Chafies?
Dina: Yes. The fuel cans that caterers use? Teens are drinking them to get high. We have to put out red label warnings.
Amy: Red label warnings? Dina, you can't just text me something like that. We could get in a lot of trouble.
Dina: Yeah, I know, that's why I added my avatar like this. I thought it was screaming, but I guess I was silent, because you muted me. You took away my voice.
Amy: Okay, well... That's dramatic.

Garrett: Yo, somebody broke into my locker.
Jonah: What?
Sandra: Did they take anything?
Garrett: No, doesn't look like it. Just looks like they went through everything.
Jonah: Huh.
Garrett: You don't think this is because of the Google search, do you?
Jonah: N- No. I mean, I... [exhales] I don't think.
Sandra: Sal used to break into people's lockers. But usually just to lick their stuff.
Garrett: Yeah, that's probably it.

Jonah: Wanna know a secret?
Sandra: Always.
Jonah: I'm the one that broke into his locker.
Sandra: Oh. [chuckles] You're a locker-licker too?
Jonah: No, no, it was revenge for acting like I'm the crazy one.
Sandra: Oh.
Jonah: Yeah, I even got Ken to act weird around him too.
Sandra: Oh, this is genius. [laughs] Can I help? I'm never on the happy end of a prank.
Jonah: It's not a prank. More like gaslighting. But, uh, yeah, sure, whatever.
Sandra: Yes! Revenge of the losers!
Jonah: Oh, we don't have to call it that.
Sandra: [laughs] You got it, buddy.

Jonah: We're going back, yeah, yeah. And front, stop, turn around... Oh, yeah, I can go that way too, buddy.
Sandra: Jonah, you are the new prank king.
Jonah: Again, it... It's not a prank. I'm... I'm teaching Garrett a lesson.
Sandra: We're gonna be legends after this. "Jonah and the Kid" I bet they'll call us.
Jonah: Uh-huh.

Glenn: Oh. Everyone's in the men's room. Even some ladies.
Cheyenne: The app can't track us here.
Glenn: Okay, I'm just gonna...
Marcus: You know, I actually prefer this to the break room.
Glenn: Excuse me.
Marcus: It's cozier, the lighting's better, there's a nice little echo. Whoa, whoops.
Cheyenne: Yeah, I just wish it didn't smell so much like farts.
Mateo: The break room smelled like farts.
Cheyenne: Yeah, but you didn't know if that was from actual farts. You could just tell yourself it was someone's gumbo or something.

Jonah: Hey, man.
Garrett: [startled grunt]
Jonah: Wow, wound a little tightly there, buddy. Everything all right?
Garrett: Mmhmm, mm-hmm, yeah. No, you know what? Uh, everything's not all right. I think they're spying on our phones.
Jonah: What? I thought you said I was the paranoid one.
Garrett: I thought you were, but then they started following me around; they started searching my stuff. That woman in the café who's pretending to read the newspaper? Nobody reads newspapers anymore.
Jonah: I do.
Garrett: No, you don't. You say you do, but you don't.