Garrett: Whoa, whoa, what are we talking about, now?
Mateo: [sing-songy] Trouble in paradise.
Garrett: Have you been in the break room all day?
Mateo: Yeah, I'm just not feeling it today.

Glenn: Dina, I know things got a little heated...
Dina: Listen, I apologize if I overreacted.
Glenn: Oh, thank God. Me too.
Dina: The things is, I'm gonna go have sex with Marcus in a few minutes.
Glenn: What?
Marcus: What? That's the special project you needed help with? Sweet!
Glenn: Why would you...
Dina: There's just an attraction there, I can't deny it, blah, blah, blah, the point is, maybe I get pregnant, maybe I don't. Who knows? So this could be all booked up. No room at the inn.
Glenn: You can't do this.
Dina: Oh, I am going to with zero protection.
Glenn: Zero?

Mateo: Guys, guys, guys! You both know what you're doing, so stop pretending! Glenn, you obviously don't want to use Sandra.
Glenn: Of course I don't want to use Sandra. Who would want to use Sandra?
Dina: You think I want to have sex with Marcus? He starts every time by saying, "I'm not really sure what I'm doing down there."
Marcus: Oh, sorry for being honest.

Glenn: [sings] Two little dickie birds sitting on a wall One named Peter, one named Paul [yelps]
Jonah: I don't understand why Glenn needs the shots if you're the one carrying the baby.
Dina: Uh, if I have to pump myself full of hormones in order to carry his child, it's only fair that he go through the same pain.
Glenn: Yeah, but with saline, so that my male parts don't turn into female parts.
Jonah: Yeah, that's how it works.

Garrett: Pretty steamy weekend you guys got planned.
Jonah: Yeah, I'm excited.
Garrett: Not as excited as I am. I got the apartment to myself, Randy's gonna come over, we're gonna strap into our video game chairs and not move for 70 hours straight.
Jonah: Oh, um... Randy's coming over. Cool.
Garrett: You're gonna be having sex on a jigsaw puzzle in the Ozarks, and you're jealous of Randy?
Jonah: No, no, jealous? No. I just didn't know he was gonna come over, so that's just, you know, news to me, is all. Cool.

Brandi: Whoa, Oreo really upped its game while I was in prison. It's like a fat kid's fever dream.
Cheyenne: Oh, Amy, this is my mom.
Amy: Oh, my gosh! Hi!
Brandi: You're the famous Amy. I've heard so much about you over the years, I feel like I know you. I'm so sorry about the divorce and how your life is going.
Amy: Oh, um, thank you. Uh, so what brings you to the store?
Cheyenne: Oh, she was just bringing me this shirt that she got me that I forgot to put on this morning.
Brandi: It's more professional. And I gotta get some stuff for the party. Do you have a Green Day-themed bouncy house?
Amy: Green Day? What happened with mermaids?
Cheyenne: My mom thought we should go back to Green Day.
Brandi: Mermaids is a little juvenile, don't you think?
Amy: Well, I mean, it is a two-year-old's birthday party, and Chey really liked the idea...
Brandi: Amy, I don't mean to be rude, I know you've been kind of a mother figure for Cheyenne while I've been away, but... I'm her actual mother, so don't you have some shelving to do or something?
Amy: Yes, sure. Yeah, sorry. Okay. Bye.
Cheyenne: Bye.
Brandi: Cinnamon bun Oreos? [sighs] Technology.

Cheyenne: Do you think Green Day is a mistake?
Amy: Well, you know, I-I don't want to butt in, or... But yes, I do, it's crazy. Cuckoo bananas, makes no sense.
Cheyenne: You think mermaids would be better?
Amy: Yes, 100%, I think you should do mermaids. Look, Chey, you don't have to do everything your mom tells you to do just because she's your mom.
Cheyenne: I just... I have a hard time standing up to her. She never listens to what I want.
Amy: Well, you just gotta sit her down, and tell her, "I am a grownup. I make my own decisions."
Cheyenne: You want me to brag about you to my mom?
Amy: Uh-uh. Sorry. You would say you were a grownup, you make your own decisions.
Cheyenne: She knows she's a grownup.
Amy: [sighs] Why don't we go talk to her together?

Bruce: I'm not here to make anything contentious. I just want to make sure there's no misunderstandings down the road.
Glenn: See? He's a nice guy.
Bruce: So, as I understand it, you both mutually agreed to this surrogacy, so...
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Bruce: If you were to fail to honor your agreement, we would be forced to go after you with extreme prejudice.
Glenn: Wait...
Dina: Go after me?
Bruce: I'm sorry, maybe I wasn't being clear. Um, we would sue you for every penny that you're worth. We would own you, 'cause you mess with Glenn Sturgis, you get the horns!
Glenn: Okay, this is not... this is not what we talked about.

Jonah: Do you believe in angels?
Garrett: Uh, which answer leads to no follow-up questions?
Jonah: Kelly believes in 'em. Like believes believes, you know? It's like wings and halos and harps. Well, I didn't ask about harps, but I assume...
Garrett: So she believes in angels. Who cares?
Jonah: I don't care, no, I just... I just think it's interesting, you know, I mean, I don't believe in angels, but if she wants to believe in angels, then I respect that, you know? Doesn't bother me. Is that something you think would bother you?
Garrett: Maybe, I don't know. Hey, when do you guys leave? Because I'm about to order a 22-foot sub, and I'd prefer to keep it intact, so one end has to start in your room.

Cheyenne: So there are a couple issues.
Brandi: Wow, that's complex. That is [bleep] complex.
Amy: Um, your daughter is trying to have a conversation with you, so if you could put the cookie down, and try to engage meaningfully... [off Brandi's look] I'm so sorry, I was just recently in couple's therapy, and that just popped out.
Brandi: All right, I'm engaging meaningfully.