Carla: This is a total waste of time.
Dr. Cox: And do you know why it's a total waste of time? Well, now, take Bobbo, here. He's just a product of a different era!
[flashback to a full-haired Dr. Kelso watching a group of nurses walk by:]
Dr. Kelso: Foxy, Enid! [slaps her posterior with his clipboard] Hot mama.
[present:]
Dr. Kelso: Those were the days.

Dr. Cox: And this one. God save me, I can't even imagine what that upbringing must have been like.
[flashback to a young Todd listening to a cassette player while he sits on a bench with his father as an attractive woman walks by:]
Mr. Quinlan: Boy, I'd like to take a swig out of her jugs. Hey, I'm talking, numb-nuts!
Young Todd: Dad! I'm listening to Annie!
[present:]
Todd: It is a hard-knock life.

J.D.: [v.o.] Jordan's best friends came to town for the funeral, and unfortunately for Dr. Cox, they still haven't left.
Maddie: Since Perry won't stop using the loo without lifting the seat, I've started to use his sink.
Jordan: Aren't you a little dolled up for the movies?
Allison: If little miss co-dependent here doesn't get "shagged" every two days, she gets the shakes.
Maddie: It's true. Look.
Dr. Cox: 'Course, that could be 'cause you're sober for a change.
Maddie: Maybe!
Allison: You silly. Are you still mad because we tried to fix Jordan up with someone yesterday? [Dr. Cox growls] Scary!

Ted: Ladies, this hospital's policy on sexual harassment is well-established. Plus-
Dr. Kelso: I'll handle this. I think what Garfunkel here is trying to say is that you should all take a second, think seriously about what's really bothering you, and then have a big group unbunching of your panties.

Allison: Do you have a queen bed?
J.D.: Well, it would be "queen" if I took my "cwothes" off it.
Maddie: Ooh, he's quick. What's he like in the sack?
Jordan: Quicker.
Maddie: Oh.

Maddie: Where can one get a nice gin and tonic?
J.D.: You know, down the street on the right, they'll make an appletini that'll knock your socks off.

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, it's been brought to my attention that there's been some inappropriate behavior lately.
Carla: I know. I brought it to your attention.
Dr. Kelso: Anyway, it occurred to me that we can't allow this to continue.
Ted: It occurred to you because I researched case studies detailing the hospital's liability instead of going to single's night at the Korean church by my house.
Dr. Kelso: Ted's sad life aside, I have decided that you are going to run a sexual harassment seminar.
Carla: No one's gonna show up for that.
Dr. Kelso: It isn't optional. Anyone gets more than three complaints here in the box then they have to attend.
Janitor: Teddy, [Korean: "we missed you last night."]
Ted: [Korean: "Shut up."] What? He's baitin' me.

Dr. Miller: There's no music in my O.R., Hammer.
Turk: First of all, Hammer dance like this: Uh-oh! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Hammertime! Second, I got your back, so why don't you cut me a little slack?
Dr. Cox: You have my back?
Turk: Anybody gives you any trouble, and I'll handle the guy.
Dr. Miller: 'Cause, uh, little ol' me can't.
Turk: Well, I didn't mean it that way.
Dr. Miller: You know what's worse than the basic knuckle-dragging scalpel jocks I usually work with? You. You are the worst kind of sexist. You're one of the sneaky ones who prides himself on saying all the right things when, deep down, what you really think is that I'm just a little girl who needs protecting. Now I would appreciate it if you would apologize.

Dr. Cox: Well done, there, Bobbo. When my patients ask me where I was all afternoon, I'll just tell them I was too busy attending this ridiculous chat-fest with you and Dr. What's-He-Over-Compensating-For? here.

Elliot: Dr. Miller, hi. You, uh, look very nice today.
Dr. Miller: Thanks, my patient just died, but if I'm looking good, I'm psyched.
Elliot: No, no. It's just that you work in a very tough specialty, and you manage to maintain your femininity and I find that very, um, sexy.
Dr. Miller: Are you asking me out on a date?
Elliot: [scoffs] Please! We just met! Not that it would make a difference if we hadn't. Um, look, Dr. Turk is a really good friend of mine-
Dr. Miller: Uggh.
Elliot: And he is not a sexist. And I know sexists. I mean, when my dad's not asking the maid for a neck-rub, he's telling me if I'm going to get emotional, I should do it in a closet because no one likes to see a hysterical woman.
Dr. Miller: There's a closet right there!
Elliot: I know, it's one of my favorites.
Dr. Miller: Dr. Reid, I've seen you strutting around this place with your can-do attitude, and I know that you think because you're a female doctor, you're part of the solution. But you're not. Everything about you screams, "What does the cutie in Radiology think about me?" And yes, your friend Dr. Turk, he may ask you relationship advice or where to get his unfortunate girlfriend some naughty lingerie because we both know that when it comes to gifts, women all crave a nice leather push-up bra with tassels that go around and around and around like this. But still, I ask you, is that respect? Uh, don't answer. I don't care!