[Ted and band sing the Charles in Charge theme song]
Dr. Kelso: Shut the hell up, Ted, it's morning.

J.D.: [v.o.] It sounds insensitive, but hospitals can be kind of boring. So if a policeman gets into an accident with a bad guy he's chasing, well, it pumps you up.
J.D.: OK, move it along, fellas, there's nothing to see here. [nobody reacts] I'll be over here.

Elliot: Hey, J.D., you think anyone else gets this excited over a car accident?
[fantasy: a hillbilly named Hank dances with a dog in front of his recovery truck]
J.D.: Maybe Hank.

Dr. Kelso: Perry!
Dr. Cox: Beelze-Bob. Lackey!
Ted: Hey, Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox: Bob, I deeply dislike you. Honestly, it keeps me up at night.
Dr. Kelso: Well, then use that passion. Put that rage on the page.
Dr. Cox: Here's an idea. Why not use Big Chief Flop Sweat here?
Dr. Kelso: Ted's not an impressive man.
Ted: Hey, that- Ah, he's right.
Dr. Cox: You're OK.

J.D.: [v.o.] There's nothing like that feeling of really taking charge of a situation.
Dr. Cox: Mary, Rhoda, chart, please. What, I stutter? Give me the chart. Attagirl.

Dr. Rose: Steady, Dr. Turk, only about two more hours.
Turk: Can you just scratch my nose, please?
Nurse: No, I can scratch my nose. Oh, that feels good.

Jordan: That feels good, J.D.
Dr. Cox: What? You'll now pay for that.
Jordan: God, I hope so.

Dr. Cox: I'm glad we finally had a chance to talk.
Jordan: You and me both. I haven't had anyone to talk to lately.
Dr. Cox: Well, OK.
Jordan: But, boy, you sure talk fast.
Dr. Cox: Bye-bye.
Jordan: Next time we talk, maybe I could finish a sentence or two.

Janitor: Hey, I thought about what you said and you're right, I owe you. So I got you a date tonight.
J.D.: Who?
Janitor: Tim.
J.D.: I'm not gay.
Janitor: What? Oh, OK, I get it. Neither's Tim.