Turk: Baby, I was just exhausted from work.
Carla: Well, when you were an intern, you were exhausted from work, but you always made time for romance.
Turk: Oh, that's 'cause I was still trying to get into your delicates.
Carla: Oh, my God.

J.D.: I had a really good time tonight.
Lisa: I've got to tell you, I was a little nervous when you spent five minutes talking through a napkin.
J.D.: That wasn't me. That was Nappy, the ice-breaking puppet. That little guy earned his money tonight.

J.D.: [v.o.] And sometimes the monster takes something you never thought you could lose. Like your mojo.
Lisa: Is that a roll of quarters or are you just having a good time?
J.D.: Actually, it's a roll of quarters. It's laundry day.
Lisa: Oh.
J.D.: [kisses Lisa on the cheek] See ya.

J.D.: [v.o.] So, Little J.D. isn't rising to the occasion. It's not a big deal. Nobody knows about this but me.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Newbie, what's up?
J.D.: Everything- Everything's up.
Dr. Kelso: Rise and shine, sport.
J.D.: [v.o.] What, did someone send out a flyer?
Todd: Hey, J.D. How's your penis?
J.D.: [v.o.] Alright, calm down. He says that to everyone.
Todd: Hey, Goldman. How's your penis?
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay, you're freaking out. Just keep your head down and move.
Janitor: Oh, I get it. I haven't paid you back, so you won't even look at me.
J.D.: No.
Janitor: It's been one day, you greedy little bastard.
J.D.: [v.o.] See what you did?

Jordan: Listen, Perry, shockingly, I'm not looking to make the permanent move to your bachelor cave over at Swingers Towers. What happened was you made a kind gesture and I made the mistake of thinking you could follow through with it. Do you get it?

Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. Crazy person says what?
Jordan: What?
Dr. Cox: Thatta girl.

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, I have no reading material for my daily, post-lunch... Well, let's just call it "reading session." I need your research proposal or a Vanity Fair, if you have one.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, if I could just get a little more time on that.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm fresh out of special treatment today. I used it all trying not to stare at that albino doctor down in radiology.

Carla: Aren't you gonna get that?
Elliot: Nah, it's just Todd. He's already called four times to ask if I want to move into his pants.

J.D.: [v.o.] You never expect a cliche to be an actual conversation starter.
Turk: Women, huh?
J.D.: Tell me about it. It's like they're from another planet.
Dr. Cox: OK, I'm going to engage you two in a conversation. You will speak of it to no one. Agreed?
J.D.: OK.
Dr. Cox: It has gotten to the point where I'm going back in my head over all my old relationships. I mean, don't get me wrong it's not like I'm going to sit here and count up all the women I've ever slept with.
Turk: Twelve.
J.D.: Nine.
Dr. Cox: Eighteen. But none of them really understood me.

Janitor: There's your stupid dollar. And by the way, your new nickname is Pee Pee La Fritz.