J.D.: [v.o.] You never know who you're gonna find in the cafeteria at 5AM. It could be the husband who asked his wife after 36 hours of labor if the screaming was really necessary. Or the intern that has been on call so many nights in a raw she's actually hallucinating.
Kathy: Hi, I'd like two tickets to Million Dollar Baby.
J.D.: [v.o.] Or your best friends who have found time between shifts to discuss their marital troubles.

Carla: I'm gonna stay at Elliot's for a few more days.
Turk: Yeah, I figured as much. I brought you some things. Your slippers. And, uh, remember that note you put on the toilet to remind me to put the seat down? Looking at it was making me sad.
Carla: I wrote this the first time I forgot to look down and fractured my tail bone.
Turk: Yeah, you had a lot of pain.
Carla: Yeah.

J.D.: You think they'll work out?
Kathy: Ssh, the movie's about to start.
Elliot: Go home, Kathy.
J.D.: Where did she get popcorn?

J.D.: [v.o.] Maybe it's because we're best friends, but I had a sneaky feeling that Turk was depressed.
[Turk is in his underwear in the fetal position on the changing room floor]
Turk: I should call her.

J.D.: Turk, you're not gonna believe this, but I don't know a lot about women. No, it's true. But one thing I do know is when a woman wants her space, you give her her space. My 6th grade girlfriend taught me that.
[flashback:]
Young J.D.: No, Olivia, I won't leave you alone until you explain why you ignored me on the bus.
[Olivia kicks J.D. in the nuts]
[present:]
J.D.: I hope she's dead.

Carla: God, this sucks. I hate March. You realize two years ago, this Sunday my mom died?
Elliot: Plus, last march you got that hideous haircut. Remember?

Dr. Cox: [wolf whistles] Real nice outfit there, Bobbo.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, you just go right ahead and say what you want, because Dr. Bob Kelso is back in action and he hasn't missed a step. Now, where do we keep sick people?

J.D.: [v.o.] It's weird, I mean, I want his marriage to work out, but it's nice to have Turk all to myself again. [pats Janitor on the shoulder]
Janitor: [v.o.] It's weird, I mean, I want to follow him down the hall and crack him over the head, but I'm so drunk right now, I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch.

Carla: Okay, you know I was skeptical, but it's been kind of nice reminiscing about my mom. It's about to get a whole lot nicer.
Carla's mother: [on answering machine] Hi, sweetie, it's mom. I just call to tell you how much I love you.
Carla: Oh, my God.
Elliot: It's J.D's old answearing machine.
Carla's mother: [on answering machine] Hi, Carla. I sure wish you would call me once in a while.
Elliot: Hadn't heard that one. [unplugs machine] So what other stories do you have about your mom?
Carla's mother: [on answering machine] Carla, it's me again.
Elliot: Crap, there's batteries.
Carla's mother: [on answering machine] It seems you never have time for me anymore. Carla? Carla?

J.D.: [v.o.] Last summer, Turk and I where forced to choose between helping to stem an Hepatitis C outbreak in the inner city or going to a bartending school. I've always felt we did the right thing.