Tom: Wow. This is exactly what I imagine Heaven looks like. Right down to the unisex linen tunics.

Tom: Annabel, ma cherie.
Annabel Porter: Hi. I'm sorry I'm late for our coven. I was polishing my oyster forks with a cage-free olive oil rub.
Ron Swanson: Apology accepted, and then I have no reaction to anything else you said.

Leslie Knope: Guys? Let's keep it going, right? Somebody grab the reading glasses, somebody grab that walking stick. Grab everything you can. I'm officially dubbing this Operation Quantity.
Ben: Oh, thank God you're still here. I cannot believe the weird notary hell I've been trapped in.
Jerry: Been more like heaven for me. I mean, what a day.

Jerry: Notary public's can trace our origin all the way back to ancient Rome.
Ben: No way.
Jerry: Calvin Coolidge was a notary.
Ben: Oh.
Jerry: Mm-hmm. And so was Calvin Coolidge's dad and so was Calvin Coolidge's paternal grandfather.
Ben: Uh-huh.
Jerry: It's 2.5 pounds of pressure is what you need to get the perfect stamp. They have this monthly-- Well, it's a notary email newsletter and, oh, my gosh--
Ben: All right.
Jerry: Ben, it's fun. It's just fun.

Andy: Babe? I have been thinking a lot about what you said. I made a list of everything that I know you like. Playing with our dog, staring contests, sex with me, et cetera. And then, I lost the list. So I had to make a new list. I didn't have any paper, so I wrote it on my leg. And that's when my leg fell asleep--
April: Okay, could you just skip ahead a little?
Andy: What do all the things on that list have in common? They're one-on-one. You like dealing with people, or dogs, one-on-one. See, we don't make a list of the things that you love, we make a list of the reasons why you love them. And then we find something that fits that list.
April: You're the best husband ever. [they hug]

Ben: Please. Please. For the love of all that is holy, both of you, please sign this form. Not that it matters. I'm definitely gonna wake up tomorrow morning with these same forms for you to sign because I've died somehow and now I'm a ghost living in Purgatory until I complete my unfinished business.
Leslie Knope: Okay, I'm not signing anything he's signing.
Ben: Did you just hear what I said? No, of course, you didn't, because I'm a ghost.

Tom: Man, those two really hate each other. That feud's like Biggie-Tupac level. Maybe even Morgan Freeman- Shailene Woodley level.
Donna: Nah, it's bad, but it's not that bad.

Leslie Knope: Okay, guys, this is so great. During the election campaign of 1840, William Henry Harrison supporters rolled this ten foot tin and paper ball down country lanes all across America. And--And they would sing along with a jug band, and it was just so exciting. People would come for miles just to see it.
Andy: Why, was there something inside this stupid ball? Ooh, like a giant hamster?
Leslie Knope: This is what we have to work with, okay. We are up against a very flashy internet company, and we should be aiming for quantity over quality. So we're gonna throw a bunch of Harrison facts at them and a big pile of bricks and whatever else we can find. Quantity, people. Quantity!

Herman Lerpiss: I got a different idea for that land. An amusement park with rides and food and sexy cartoon characters. I call it Disneyland.
Leslie Knope: How did you get in here?
Herman Lerpiss: Broke a window.

Donna: Celebrities can help with this kind of thing. The Nets wouldn't be in Brooklyn if it weren't for Jay-Z. And the sales for Chick-fil-A went through the roof once Elton John bought 'em.
Tom: Exactly.