Ron Swanson: Now... Keith. Under sex, you wrote... "Yes. Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha." Well-played.
Keith: Thank you. Ah, but all jokes aside. I'm a boy. [laughs]
Tom: Keith, I had this job for four years. And I can tell you, you get out of it what you put into it. What are you hoping to get out of it?
Keith: In like a month or so.
Tom: What?
Keith: Oh...What! What am I hoping to get out of this job?
Tom: Yeah.
Keith: Yeah. Like one... one month of money... Would be... would be just right.
Tom: Let me give you a situation. You're hosting a town hall meeting for local businesses.
Keith: Uh... That's so much stuff. [laughs] You just, uh... kept on going.
Tom: That was like one thing. I didn't even get to the situation yet.
Keith: Oh! All right. Well, thanks, guys. I think we've all seen enough.
[aside to camera:]
Keith: Still not totally sure what I'm applying for. But...if you ask me, I think it went pretty well.

Leslie Knope: What we need to focus on is how to destroy Peru, specifically one person who lives there.
France: Madame Ambassador, are you changing the scenario? We didn't prepare for this.
Leslie Knope: Global politics can change, and scenarios can arise and suddenly you're just like, "Wait, I thought this one thing, but look over there. That's a different thing, and it's changing everything," and I'm like, "What? Hold up." Who has tanks for me?
Switzerland: I-I'm sorry, but... We're gonna keep trying to solve the food crisis.
Leslie Knope: Food schmood. This is war. God, it's time for you to nut up, Switzerland.

Tom: They were duds, Ron. Really, anything would be better than the people we interviewed today.
Ron Swanson: I guess you're right, Tom. I'm not gonna find another you. You were perfect. Competent enough to keep the bosses off my back, but selfish enough to slow down all the work. Tom Haverfords don't grow on trees.
Tom: If they did, I'd sell 'em. Tommy trees.
Ron Swanson: Would you consider coming back?
Tom: Sorry, Ron. No can do. I'm like a shark. I don't swim backwards. See ya later, man.

France: We've been making great strides with genetically modified crops and would gladly pledge to continue the growth of...
Ben: Excuse me, Madame Ambassador. Excuse me.
France: I'm not finished.
Ben: Oh, really? Then why do I have the microphone? I move that the Security Council formally condemn Denmark and stop them from making any more unwarranted acts of aggression.
China: As long as you quit derailing the conference. People are dying of hunger in Africa.
Leslie Knope: Oh, cry me a river.
Ben: All in favor of the resolution. [all hands go up]
Leslie Knope: What?!
Ben: Oh, that's interesting. The resolution passes with flying colors. Denmark is formally condemned. Bam!

Leslie Knope: That's no problemo, Peru, because Denmark no longer recognizes the authority of this international gang of thugs. And history will be unkind to those who stand opposed to justice. Together, we stand... and I ask all of you... who is ready to join the Coalition of the Willing? [pounds shoe]
April: The Moon shall join your coalition.
Leslie Knope: Yeah! We got the freaking moon. What are you gonna do without tides, Peru?

Chris: Okay. We need to stop dealing in hypotheticals. Ann, we dated. What happened to us?
Ann: Really? Do you... wanna get real?
Chris: Sure. Sounds like fun.
Ann: Sometimes your relentless cheeriness is confusing. Like that time we went to Eagleton and we got that hotel room with the jacuzzi...
Donna: Ooh, this just got real good!
Ann: And the jacuzzi broke.
Chris: But I did... eat food off of your body.
Jerry: Oh, come on.
Donna: All right, Chris and Ann!
[aside to camera:]
Jerry: I just wanna go back to work.

Leslie Knope: So the Coalition of the Willing is Denmark, Botswana, and the Moon.
Andy: The big three.
Leslie Knope: Now, here's what we're gonna do. Ben is probably shoring up his support in South America. While he does that, we are gonna make sure...
France: [pounding] Attention! The Security Council has decided to expel Peru and Denmark from the United Nations.
Leslie Knope: [French accent] Madame Ambassadeur... Pourquoi?
France: 'Cause you guys suck. Look around. We thought you were gonna teach us how to solve problems. You've ruined my favorite club. Thanks a lot.
Andy: Did we win? I think we won! What were we trying to do? I learned so much today.

April: I just wanted to say that I thought it was really cool how everything fell apart in there. And also, maybe you should talk to Ben.
Leslie Knope: No. He's being a jerk.
April: Please? When Ben gets upset, he becomes a really bad roommate. He takes really long sadness baths and makes me late for stuff.
Leslie Knope: [sighs] I hate it here. Can't wait to graduate.
April: Yeah, but summer's gonna totally kick ass.

Chris: Well, I'm sorry that I added five years to your life. Now I'm being sarcastic. Like you. I'm doing something that you like.
Ann: Being with you definitely made me do a lot of soul-searching, and I came out the other side being a much more self-possessed person.
Chris: Well, I'm glad.
Ann: Good luck with Millicent. Just back off a little bit. Let her be herself. Everything'll be fine.
Chris: Thank you.

Leslie Knope: It's bad enough that we can't be together, but the thought of us not being friends is... Is just too crappy for me to handle.
Ben: I was... perhaps a little icier than I needed to be.
Leslie Knope: I just need you to be in my life. You're too important to me.
Ben: I wish I could say it's possible. I just... I don't know if it is right now.
Leslie Knope: [exhales] Well, I propose a treaty that states that we have a fun conversation once a day at work for five minutes.
Ben: I'll take it to the Peruvian senate. Or whatever.
Leslie Knope: Please do that.
Ben: I'll try. I'll see what they say.