Ann: Hey, can you approve this new design for the campaign poster?
Leslie Knope: Oh, Ann, you beautiful, rule-breaking moth. You know we can't talk about my campaign in here.
Ann: Seriously? It's a "yes" or "no" question.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: When you're running for office, there are, like, a million rules of what you can and cannot do. And because I work for the government, I am not allowed to do anything campaign-related inside a government building. It's kind of a pain in the ass. But it's great exercise... But it's a pain in the ass.

Tom: Oh, my God. Is that Ginuwine?
Donna: Mm-hmm.
Tom: Why do you have Ginuwine's platinum record on your wall? Why do you have a photo of you with Ginuwine at some place?
Donna: Oh, have I never talked about this before? Ginuwine's my cousin.

Ann: You told April you were breaking up with me?
Tom: Ann, we consistently disagree on "who wore it best." You still use an iPad one. You read books all the time.
Ann: Okay, how about my "oh-no-nos" for you? You make me see terrible movies, and then you talk through them. You put 20-inch rims on your Volkswagen golf, and you insist on being introduced as "the brown Gosling."
Tom: Everything you just said makes me like me more.

Ron Swanson: I now officially insist that you take a sabbatical.
Leslie Knope: No, no.
Ron Swanson: Let me finish. I used to work in a sheet metal factory, but then a job came along at the tannery. The hours were better, and I would get paid. Also I'd have the chance to work with leather both before and after it was on the cow, which had always been a dream of mine. I didn't want to give up my sheet metal job, so I tried to do both jobs and finish middle school.
Leslie Knope: How old were you?
Ron Swanson: 11. The point is, I was so tired, I tried to puncture an eight-gauge aluminum foil with a leather awl. [laughs]
Leslie Knope: Wow.
Ron Swanson: I learned a lesson. Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. So if you want to win that seat--
Leslie Knope: Which I do.
Ron Swanson: Then commit yourself 100%. Take a sabbatical.

Ben: So Perd Hapley wants to do Thursday now.
Leslie Knope: Fine.
April: Did you finish the maintenance report?
Leslie Knope: [steps inside] I did not finish it, but I will finish it. [steps outside] So wait, what was your question again?
Ben: The slogan?
April: Okay, can I just come out there, so we can talk about everything?
Leslie Knope: No, April, I need to keep my work separate, okay? Just think of it like a fun game. Parks is inside. Campaign is outside. Parks is inside. Campaign's outside.
April: Ooh, you know what would make it more fun? What? Oh, my God, this. [closes door]

Tom: These Kangol hats are exactly like the one Samuel L. Jackson wore to the Latin Grammys. How could she not like them?
April: I don't know.
Tom: It's like somehow everything I do with her is wrong.
April: Dude, seriously, leave me out of this.
[aside to camera:]
April: I kind of set up Tom and Ann, and now they won't stop asking me for advice, which is a really bad move on their part, because I really don't care what happens to them... Or anyone.

Leslie Knope: So we're gonna throw him a Sweet 16 surprise party. It's gonna be very special.
April: The usual, cake and pop?
Leslie Knope: No, April, the unusual.
April: Fish and pop.
Leslie Knope: No.
April: Cake and fish.
Leslie Knope: No, no fish.

Leslie Knope: Jerry only gets a real birthday every four years. And four years from now, who knows? He might be retired... Or dead.
Tom: Let's start a pool. Who wants retied? Who wants dead?
April: Dead.
Leslie Knope: No.
Tom: I got one dead.
Leslie Knope: No.

Chris: See, it's pretty cool, huh? Would you like me to teach you?
Andy: Uh, whatever. I mean, anybody can do that. [speaks gibberish] Toxic. Merkel. Merkel. What is "Merkel"?
Chris: She's the Chancellor of Germany.

Chris: Champion, come here, boy. I have an organic, gluten-free soy bone for you.