Leslie Knope: Okay, time for gifts. We have gift certificates for facials for everybody, then you're gonna get a needlepoint pillow with your face on it and the lead headline from a newspaper on the day you were born.
Marlene Knope: "Joseph Stalin dies"?
Leslie Knope: That's right, Mom, and you replaced him. Though not in terms of genocide. Just in terms of, you know, being on earth.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: February 14th, Valentine's Day, is about romance, but February 13th, Galentine's day, is about celebrating lady friends. It's wonderful, and it should be a national holiday. It should be a national holiday. [writes on phone] Dear Congress, it's Leslie again.

Leslie Knope: Okay, so the Valentine's Day dance is planned, prepped, and under budget, but we have one final task. Ann Perkins is currently attending the Valentine's Day dance alone, so I need each one of you to bring an eligible bachelor for her tomorrow.
April: Ann's not totally hideous. Why does she need our help?
Leslie Knope: Because that's what friends do, April. They help friends find happiness. Now the last guy she liked was Chris, but she can't date him again because he's her boss. So when we're thinking of prospective sweethearts, we need to think of people who are... Attractive and smart and kind. And if you're wondering what kind of guy is right for Ann, all you need to do is ask. Also you need to find someone educated, and friendly, and fun...
Ron Swanson: Just tell us the damn word.
Leslie Knope: Effervescent, he needs to be effervescent.

Leslie Knope: April, you're the old married broad here. How's Andy?
April: Well, last week he was supposed to buy gas, but instead he bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. [laughs] He's amazing.