Parks and Recreation - Leslie Knope Quote #872
Leslie Knope: Okay, so the Valentine's Day dance is planned, prepped, and under budget, but we have one final task. Ann Perkins is currently attending the Valentine's Day dance alone, so I need each one of you to bring an eligible bachelor for her tomorrow.
April: Ann's not totally hideous. Why does she need our help?
Leslie Knope: Because that's what friends do, April. They help friends find happiness. Now the last guy she liked was Chris, but she can't date him again because he's her boss. So when we're thinking of prospective sweethearts, we need to think of people who are... Attractive and smart and kind. And if you're wondering what kind of guy is right for Ann, all you need to do is ask. Also you need to find someone educated, and friendly, and fun...
Ron Swanson: Just tell us the damn word.
Leslie Knope: Effervescent, he needs to be effervescent.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: Okay, time for gifts. We have gift certificates for facials for everybody, then you're gonna get a needlepoint pillow with your face on it and the lead headline from a newspaper on the day you were born.
Marlene Knope: "Joseph Stalin dies"?
Leslie Knope: That's right, Mom, and you replaced him. Though not in terms of genocide. Just in terms of, you know, being on earth.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: February 14th, Valentine's Day, is about romance, but February 13th, Galentine's day, is about celebrating lady friends. It's wonderful, and it should be a national holiday. It should be a national holiday. [writes on phone] Dear Congress, it's Leslie again.
Quote from April
Leslie Knope: April, you're the old married broad here. How's Andy?
April: Well, last week he was supposed to buy gas, but instead he bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. [laughs] He's amazing.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: I do not understand this. This really confuses me.
Ben: Well, you do love them both.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I love passionate speakers and Italian men. Doesn't mean I love Mussolini.
Ben: You love Italian men?
Leslie Knope: Not as much as... Irish... Scottish? White... Whatever you are. This is the weirdest Valentine's Day ever.
Quote from 2017
Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] This land is begging to be a new national park. And it's in my own backyard. This could be my crowning achievement. I could retire. I mean, I wouldn't. I'm gonna work until I'm 100 and then cut back to four days a week. Oh, God, I'm already so bored thinking about that one day off. Maybe I'll go to law school or something.
Quote from New Slogan
Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Grant Larsen has offered me a chance to oversee a branch office of the national park service. This is like the parks equivalent of Bruce Springsteen pulling Courtney Cox onstage. I mean, one minute you're just a regular girl in the crowd, and the next minute you're dancing 10 feet away from freakin' Max Weinberg!
Quote from Doppelgangers
Ann: First of all, this is Evelyn.
Leslie Knope: Oh, hello.
Ann: She is my Health Department counterpart from Eagleton.
Evelyn: There really wasn't a ton of work for me there. Eagletonians are very healthy.
Leslie Knope: Oh, well, this might be a very interesting challenge for you, because Pawnee has the very first documented case of mega-diabetes. And the only know occurrence of Lou Gehrig's other disease. We've been written about in textbooks.