Leslie Knope: Hey, you're here.
April: And I brought a bachelor.
Leslie Knope: Are you kidding me?
April: No.
Leslie Knope: You brought Orin? Ann is not some weird, morose mummy. Offense intended, Orin. Let this be a wake-up call about the way you present yourself to the world.
April: I think Ann and him would be cute together.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] There was supposed to be, like, 20 guys here for Ann, and there's only four. Who else do we have? Ben, taken. Jerry, taken. Oh! My dentist... Is 80, and he's gay, and he's taken. Uh... what's this? P. Hut? Oh, Pizza Hut! Hold on... [on the phone] Hi, how cute are you?

Tom: Hey, Kriss Kross, can we change up the music? It kind of sounds like the end of a movie about a monk who killed himself.
Chris: It is.
Tom: Listen, man... There's some attractive women here. Why don't you rebound?
Chris: Nobody here compares to Millicent. Except maybe Jerry. Technically they share 50% of the same DNA.
Tom: Stop staring at Jerry like that.

Tom: So, Bill, this stunning woman saves lives for a living. What do you bring to the table?
Bill: Uh, where to begin? Uh, I'm an amateur juggler--
Tom: Nope, you shouldn't have begun there. Get out. No one's trying to get with jugglers. Thanks for playing.

Ron Swanson: We failed. If I just had a little more time.
Ben: She's waiting for me somewhere in Pawnee, and I'm not gonna be there.
Ron Swanson: Wait... Leslie loves romance, but she also loves being right. Is there something you used to disagree on, but you've since come around to her way of thinking?
Ben: Ron, you're a genius.
[cut to:]
Leslie Knope: Little Sebastian. At first you did not understand what made this tiny horse so special, and now you love him more than I do.
Ben: Yep, I miss him every day.
Leslie Knope: I really tried to make that hard. I'm very impressed with you.
Ben: Eh, some of them were kind of tough.

Leslie Knope: Ann, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry if I put you on the spot when I asked you about your love life. How are you doing?
Ann: You know, I'm mostly fine being single. It's just this time of year with the hearts and roses, it just gets me a little down. But Galentine's day made me feel better, so thanks.
Leslie Knope: Oh, Ann, you beautiful spinster. I will find you love.
Ann: What? Did you say something?
Leslie Knope: Love you.

Ron Swanson: Thank you all for being here. Let's get started.
Leslie Knope: Wow. Great attitude, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Sorry, I was talking to these ribs.

Tom: Quick question about Ann. Does anyone know if she has any Indian in her?
Leslie Knope: No one respond. No one say anything.
Tom: Why? I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her.
Leslie Knope: Silence.
Jerry: I don't think she does.
Tom: Would she like some?
All: Jerry!

Ben: Happy Valentine's Day. And... ooh-ah!
Leslie Knope: [gasping] Yachter Otter?
Ben: Yup.
Leslie Knope: Two months ago, I have a dream about a playboy otter lost at sea, and you make him real?
Ben: Uh-huh.
Leslie Knope: I love it.

Tom: Hey, man, you okay? Still thinking about your ex?
Chris: Millicent Gergich has literally torn my heart from my body and replaced it with a thick slab of sadness. I may never smile again.
Tom: Cool, so I found a DJ for the dance, and his name is DJ Bluntz.
Chris: Tom, this is a publicly funded couples dance. I don't think it's appropriate for people to be getting "wet with sound."
Tom: Who's gonna do it, then?
Chris: I will. I certainly have no other plans for Valentine's Day, because I am completely alone.
Tom: All right, I'll see you later, Chris.