Officer Killnose: Oh. Here comes the customs guys now. Fellas, he's all yours.
Donna: You're pranked.
Andy: You gotta see the stupid look on your face. Check this out. I took a picture. Classic!
Donna: You seemed a little uptight. Thought we'd have some fun with our new boss.
Ben: Wow. Thi- You got me. Good one, makin' me think I was gonna like die in federal prison... Ah, that's super funny, you scamps.

Leslie Knope: Now, Stu, I know that you're thinking about retiring, and I am here to ask you to reconsider. What do you say? Keep that Lafayette Park stand open, pumpin' out the stew like you do.
Stu: I don't know. I'm looking forward to spending time with my wife, working on some new hobbies. I was thinking about getting into bisques.
Leslie Knope: Stu, you have been a staple in the parks department system for years. Retirement is for the birds. You're gonna be so bored. I'm gonna say this because you need to hear it. Screw bisque.
Stu: That makes a lot of sense.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Stu: What now? What do I do?
Leslie Knope: Well, we're gonna need to convince the business council to keep you around, but that's not for you to worry about. I'll take care of it. You just keep on stewin' what you stew.

Ted: Congratulations. This is a beauty. If you like, I could engrave the date on the inside of the band.
Ann: That may be tough, 'cause we actually haven't discussed it yet.
Chris: We could engrave "2014" or "TBD."

Ann: Hang on. If neither of us has ever thought about this stuff, then maybe there's a reason.
Chris: When you think about it, we are already more married than most married people.
Ann: Right? I mean, we're having a child together. We're moving to a new city. You let me pee with the door open so I could watch the end of Grey's Anatomy.
Chris: That was a fantastic season finale and a show that is literally a never-ending roller coaster of emotion.

Andy: Hey, boss?
Ben: Hey.
Andy: I was just printing out my Minesweeper high score, and I noticed this memo. You're punishing us for the prank?
Ben: No, no, no, no, no, no. It's just like a warning memo. Like, "Hey, all in good fun, but I'm your boss, and if you do it again, you're suspended." That kind of thing.
Andy: Listen. I know that you're the governor or whatever, and I'm just government junior.
Ben: What?
Andy: I feel like you're blowing it. If you want people to like you, you have to play along. Don't punish Donna and April. Prank them back.

Ben: I guess I could stand to loosen up a little, but I don't know how to pull a prank.
Andy: Dude, okay. Well, I could help you.
Ben: Yeah?
Andy: Yeah. I once did the best prank of all time. I dumped all of my boss's action figures into a fish tank.
Ben: Yeah, that was me. And I didn't really like it.
Andy: Classic.

Chris: On the other hand, there are some benefits to being married: Taxes, health insurance, and I don't have to feel weird when hotel employees call me "Mr. Perkins."
Ann: Yeah, that makes me feel weird too. Maybe we should. I don't know anymore.
Chris: "Maybe we should. I don't know anymore." Ann, that is a beautiful sentiment.
Ted: Okay, you're all set. Credit card's been fully refunded.
Chris: Perfect timing. We are going to buy this ring. Charge it. [down on one knee] Ann Perkins, will you marry me?
Ann: I don't know!
Chris: [laughs] Me either! Maybe let's not?
Ann: Yeah, I think maybe not.
Ted: Okay. Ring's yours again. Hello?
Chris: Actually, we don't want the ring.
Ted: Unbelievable.

Ron Swanson: Leslie, look. I'm the last person to want to deprive the world of more stew, but are you sure you wanna do this?
Leslie Knope: Look, I love Tom, but you and I both know that he's not ready to step up. Don't you remember his last presentation on topsoil? The botched laser show? Larry still can't see purple.
Ron Swanson: That was Larry's fault. He picked up the laser and stared right into it.
Leslie Knope: I know, but still, Tom is all flash and no substance.
Ron Swanson: That's the old Tom. You've been gone for a while, Leslie. Tom has changed. He ran a business, sold it for a profit. He's also been working here for six years, and he's learned a lot from you. At some point, you're gonna have to trust him to do his job.

Andy: You guys. You guys. Be cool.
April: What's going on?
Andy: I kind of convinced Ben to prank you guys, and it got a little out of hand. I probably should've said no to some of his ideas, but he's on his way here right now. Here he is. Just be cool.
Ben: Hey, guys. What's up? Um, oh, I just remembered. Can I show you something out to the front area? And leave your cell phones because of no reason. Just leave anything that can't get wet, actually, like you would normally. [sighs] Okay, here we go to the parking lot now.
April: Wow, this is really sad.

Ben: Yep, follow to me, guys. Just going to the parking lot for normal government reasons. [breathing hard] Sorry, can't go through with this. I was gonna pull a prank.
April: [gasps] No!
Ben: Yeah. I hired these guys in ski masks to kidnap us, and I was gonna pretend to be a hero. They were gonna shoot me and drive the van into the river, and that's when the divers would go in, pull you guys out of the water, and I would be standing on the shore like, "Hey, you get pranked much?"
Donna: What the [bleep]?
Ben: I even got these squibs from a special effects guy, and I was gonna say this code word.
Andy: And that's when I would push this button.
Ben: No, no, no, no, no! [squibs popping]
April: Oh, my God. You got blood all over me. Thank you. I mean it. Ben, that was amazing.
Ben: Really?
April: Best prank ever. [takes selfie]