Barney: Hi, Ben. [chuckles] It's me, Barney, from the accounting firm.
Ben: Yes. Hi, Barney. You don't have to introduce yourself every time.
Barney: I was gonna wait until your birthday to give this to you, but I'm just too excited.
Ben: This is the copyright to Cones of Dunshire.
Barney: After you gave it to us as a gift, we saw its potential, so we formed a "C" corp and registered it in your name.
Ben: This is amazing. How can I ever repay you?
Barney: Come work for us at the accounting firm.
Ben: Okay.
Barney: Oh! ( Laughs ) Oh!
Ben: No, sorry. I can't.
Barney: Wow. Shortest one yet.
Ben: Thank you.

Tom: This is amazing. Practically everyone we invited came, except for Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus. I was hoping tonight would be magical enough to get 'em back together.
Craig: Let it go, friend. He's not good enough for her, and vice versa!

Ron Swanson: It's time for you to move up in the world. Your ambition was bound to take you away from the town you love sooner or later, and you can't have everything you want.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. [laughs] I can have everything I want! Thank you.
Ron Swanson: I feel like you're not listening to me.
Leslie Knope: Oh, and by the way, don't think that we are not discussing Duke Silver. When were you going to tell me about that? Unbelievable! I am so furious at you, but I've already forgiven you, and you need to teach me how to play the saxophone. Okay, bye.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera in a barren office] Sometimes you have to make the hardest climb to see the most beautiful sunrise. I read that once on an old lady's decorative pillow. But it is really how I feel today. I've climbed a very weird and rocky mountain, and it was a pain in the ass, and my legs are tired, and I'm starving, but the sun is rising over a sea of love and waffles and possibility. So I'm just gonna relax and take a deep breath and enjoy this view for as long as I possibly can.

[three years later:]
Leslie Knope: Call Ken and Rebecca, and no statements to the press unless I personally release them. We are on a media lockdown. Where is Ed with the file? Ed!
Ed: I'm sorry, Miss Knope, I lost the file. It's gone.
Leslie Knope: Ed, you're a nice guy, but you're the most incompetent person I've ever worked with, and that includes Terry.
Jerry: Jeez! Get it together, Terry.
Leslie Knope: Clean out your desk. You're fired.
Ed: I understand. Thank you for the literally hundreds of opportunities you've given me. Good-bye, everyone. It's been a great three years.
Leslie Knope: Cancel my flight to South Dakota. We'll do it next month. Babe, what's our play here?
Ben: Everyone's waiting downstairs in my office. Let's just go hear what they have to say.
Leslie Knope: But honey, tonight's your big night.
Ben: No, this is more important. Where are the kids?
April: Right here.
Leslie Knope: Hey, guys! Mommy and daddy had to do a little work, and you're gonna have a fun play date with Uncle Andy and Aunty April, okay?
Andy: Let's go, munchkins. I forgot, Ben... how many bags of marshmallows do I give them?
Ben: None! Just let April do everything.
Leslie Knope: One day, in the distant future, things will be calm and normal, right?
Ben: Probably not. But that's okay. You ready?
Leslie Knope: Not at all. But that's never stopped us before.

Tom: Joanie baby, I'm throwing a huge party tonight at Tom's Bistro. You gots to stop by.
Jean-Ralphio: You gots to stop by.
Joan Callamezzo: Will this medium drink of water be there?
Jean-Ralphio: The only reason I wouldn't be there is if I got pulled over... [sings] For violating my house arrest. Ah-boosh!
Joan Callamezzo: What?
Jean-Ralphio: Judge gave me two ankle bracelets, said it was the first time he ever had to do that. Uh, jah boy's a question on the bar exam. Yah-hey!
Tom: Anyway, Tom's Bistro, tonight, be there.

Ben: Well, the relocation package seems fair, but the dental plan is more than fair. I mean, three annual cleanings for the spouse? Ka-ching.
Councilman Jamm: Hey, did someone say "dental plan"? [chuckles] How's it going? Councilman Jeremy Jamm, Jamm orthodontics. Hey, uh, I think we can all agree this concert blows, right? You guys really want to see a crowd, you might want to stop by my secession rally later tonight. That is gonna be off the hook! You ever heard of Warrant?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Councilman Jamm: There's a cover band around here... they call themselves "Cherry Pie." Pretty sure we got their bass player.
Leslie Knope: Oh, wow.
Councilman Jamm: Gonna be pretty good. [sings] Dah-nah-nah, rock and roll, yeah, poison
Leslie Knope: What is that?
Councilman Jamm: Just general rock, man. It's gonna be fun. [sings] She's my cherry pie, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Grant Larsen: Okay, uh, let's talk staff. For the first few months, you're only gonna have six staffers. Four of them will be coming up from Omaha.
Leslie Knope: Oh, so does that mean that there's two openings left?
Grant Larsen: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: Because I happen to know some of the most dedicated civil servants and greatest people to ever walk the planet earth.
Grant Larsen: You can hire whoever you like.

April: Babe, that was so awesome. That was the best performance ever. One kid peed his pants because he didn't want to miss anything.
Andy: What? I gave a kid pee pants?
April: Yes!
Andy: Well, that's why I do what I do.
April: What's wrong?
Andy: I guess I just kind of miss having people up onstage with me. They never tell you when you go solo that it's just gonna be you up there. Anyways, what do you say I take you over to the ball pit, and we find your cell phone I lost?
April: You what?

Leslie Knope: I hope you like deep-dish pizza, because there's gonna be a lot more of it in Chicago, where we're all gonna be moving.
Andy: Okay.
April: No. No!
Leslie Knope: Come on, guys, take a risk! Live on the edge. Life is an adventure.
Andy: It is! Let's do it!
April: No!
Andy: No.
April: Pawnee is cheap and we like it here, and Chicago seems like there's a lot of stuff to do and people, but I like to do nothing with no one. So, thank you and I love you, but no thank you, and I hate you. More I love you.
Leslie Knope: You know, you owe me for that pizza.