‘Halloween Surprise’
Season 5, Episode 5 - Aired October 25, 2012
As their time in Washington D.C. comes to an end, Jennifer Barkley asks Ben to take a job on another campaign. After Jerry suffers a heart attack, Leslie tries to raise money for his hospital bills. Meanwhile, Ron and Andy take care of Diane's kids on Halloween.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Diane and I have been seeing a lot of each other, recently. She is a sharp, confident, strong woman. Her children are loud.
Quote from Chris
Chris: Parks Department! Chris Traeger, city manager, friend, aspiring life coach and recipient of Dr. Richard Nygard's award for Most Improved Patient for my psychotherapy sessions.
Jerry: Wow, that's great, Chris. Congrats.
Chris: Thanks, Jerry.
[aside to camera:]
Chris: It's just a piece of paper and he only made it for me after I specifically asked for it while crying loudly, but... It sure meant a lot to receive it.
Quote from Andy
Andy: So you're a princess too, hey?
Diane Lewis: Oh, for the last four years everything has been princesses. Every book, every movie, every backpack. All princesses all the time.
Andy: Oh, that sounds fun.
Diane Lewis: It's a nightmare.
Andy: Excuse me, I just have to file a quick report.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I'm applying to the police academy soon and the manual says I have to work on my observation skills so...Tree, leaves, night, sky, hand. Andy's hand. Pfft. What else you got?
Quote from Donna
Donna: Uh-oh, it's the death canoe. Get your foot out the water, dumb-ass! It's blood lake.
Chris: Now, I missed the first three Death Canoe films. Why exactly is it a death canoe? Does it tip over easily?
Donna: Read my Twitter feed. I live tweeted the first three this morning in preparation. In the fifth one, the canoe's actually the hero. It's a crazy twist.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: I mean, I just feel so powerless. Just when things start to turn around and they fall apart. Now I know exactly how FDR felt after Pearl Harbor.
Quote from Tom
Tom: Oh, geez! Did a dinosaur just fart? Jerry, get a grip.
Jerry: Sorry, guys. [flatulence continues]
Tom: Ugh! Apology not accepted.
Ann: Stop talking, moron.
Tom: I wish I could stop smelling.
Ann: Dude.
Tom: Seriously, Jerry, did you eat farts for lunch?
Leslie Knope: Tom! Jerry's having a heart attack.
Tom: Oh, no, I didn't know that. Jerry, you okay?
Quote from Tom
Tom: Okay, I've got some magazines and those boring word jumbles you like to do. Is there anything else you need, J? Maybe some Gas-X?
Jerry: Ha ha, Tom.
Leslie Knope: How is he, Ann? Give it to me straight.
Ann: He's great. He should be out of here in a day or two.
Tom: Doctor, medically speaking, how would you describe what happened to Jerry?
Dr. Harris: He had a mild heart attack.
Tom: Yeah, but he also exhibited excessive flatulence. Is there a term for having a heart attack while releasing so much gas?
Dr. Harris: Not really. Gastrointestinal distress is common during a cardiac event.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I just want to hear the doctor say that Jerry had a fart attack. Is that too much to ask?
Quote from Ron Swanson
Andy: Ron, you're not selling anything?
Ron Swanson: I am selling this table. I made it.
[Ron holds up a white piece of paper with one line of text reading "Good table: $500"]
Quote from Tom
Tom: What up, playboy? You like that jacket? It's a pretty dope cut, right?
Boy: Yeah. Can I have it, Mom? I could wear it to homecoming.
Woman: 300 bucks for something you're just gonna grow out of in a month? Forget it.
Tom: Wait, I can rent it to you.
Woman: Really?
Tom: Yeah, it's part of a business I run. High end clothes rentals for teens, tweens and everything in betweens. That jacket is 20 bucks a week.
Woman: Done. This is a great idea. He grows so fast I never wanna buy him anything nice. What's the name of your business?
Tom: [to camera] Rent-a-swag.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: Hey.
Ben: Hey.
Leslie Knope: I didn't know you were coming back here. [Ben gets down on one knee] Oh. What are you doing? Oh, my God, what are you doing?
Ben: I'm thinking about my future. I am deeply, ridiculously in love with you and above everything else, I just-- I wanna be with you forever. So, Leslie Knope, will--
Leslie Knope: Wait. Wait. Okay?
Ben: Okay.
Leslie Knope: Just--I need to remember this.
Ben: Sure.
Leslie Knope: Gimme a second. Okay.
Ben: Leslie K--
Leslie Knope: No, no, no, no, hold on. Just, I need another second, please. I need to remember every little thing about how perfect my life is right now at this exact moment.
Ben: Okay. Are you good?
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I'm good.
Ben: Okay. Leslie Knope, will you--
Leslie Knope: Yes! [they kiss]
Ben: Marry me?
Leslie Knope: Oh, yeah.
Ben: Okay. Great.