Leslie Knope: [on the phone] Okay, so let's, um, talk about your opening remarks. Do you want me to write you a rap? I'll write you a rap. No, you know what? You're never gonna be able to pull it off. You're too white. How about a show tune or something?
Ben: I was just, uh, planning to introduce myself, non-musically, and then get everyone to refer to their packets, and, uh, blah, blah, blah.
Leslie Knope: No. No "blah, blah, blah," okay? You need to go over every single detail with me.
Ben: Leslie, I promise you, I won't half-ass this, okay? Now get some rest.
Leslie Knope: I have some great news. I think my fever just broke.
Ben: Good-bye.

Ann: What are you doing?
Leslie Knope: Hey, that flu medicine really helped. I feel a thousand percent better. Good as new. Does this scarf look okay? I don't want to look stuffy. But I also don't want to look too schlubby.
Ann: Get back in that bed.
Leslie Knope: So no to the scarf?
Ann: Get back in the bed.
Leslie Knope: No, I'm going to that meeting.
Ann: Either you get back in the bed, or I will strap you down. I've done it before. Don't test me.

Andy: Pierre Garcon was a sixth-round pick.
Ron Swanson: Collie was the fourth round.
Andy: Indianapolis Colts know how to draft so well.
Ron Swanson: They really do. Andy, this was delicious.
Andy: It's awesome, huh?
Ron Swanson: It's a whole new meat delivery system. Thank you, son.
Andy: What do you say we go out to the parking lot, run a few pass plays to burn off the calories?
Ron Swanson: You are an unstoppable good-idea machine!
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.

Andy: Hey, Ron, can I ask you a question?
Ron Swanson: Sure.
Andy: It's about April.
Ron Swanson: I don't like to get involved in people's personal...
Andy: I hurt her feelings, and now she's pissed at me. I feel like if I could just explain myself, she'd understand, but she's avoiding me. It's making me miserable.
Ron Swanson: April's in the hospital, sick with the flu.
Andy: What? I knew it! I didn't know that.

Tom: Anyway, uh, it is now my great honor to welcome to the stage the woman responsible for the entire harvest festival. Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Knope! [applause]
Leslie Knope: Every one of you, just by showing up here tonight, has already made history. In days past, the harvest festival was the cornerstone of Pawnee's small-business community. A weeklong showcase for everything from textiles to small farms. By our estimates, as many as 30,000 people might attend the festival, and the monetary value of that kind of direct customer-to-business exposure is, frankly, incalculable.

April: What?
Ann: Three, two, one. And my shift's over. What the [bleep] is your problem?
April: Whoa, I thought you weren't gonna lose it.
Ann: While I was on duty, I didn't. Now it's just me. I get that you're mad that I kissed Andy, okay? But it was a moment of confusion, and it was a mistake. And I'm very sorry. You want to hate me forever?
April: Okay.
Ann: Fine! You know what? I don't care. But you shouldn't take it out on Andy, because he really likes you, and he did nothing wrong. And just for the record, I'm starting to hate you too. [exits]
April: [to camera] That's the most I've ever liked Ann.

Ben: Oh, hey.
Leslie Knope: Hey, there.
Ben: I got you, uh, some waffles here, courtesy of JJ's diner, and chicken soup, courtesy of me.
Leslie Knope: I'll take the waffles.
Ben: Okay.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. So how did the rest of the meeting go?
Ben: Um, well, you said you needed 80 total businesses to participate.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ben: We have 110... and counting. So, uh, nice work, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Nice work to you too.
Ben: Oh. Uh, left the chicken soup there, just in case. It's an old family recipe. It's not a big deal, but...
Leslie Knope: Thank you for that.