Leslie Knope: Maybe I should just do impressions. "I'm-a Borat." There's one. But I need to do someone that no one has heard before. Like, I don't know, Neve Campbell? What does Neve Campbell sound like?
Donna: [mumbling] I don't know.
Leslie Knope: Someone, [bleep] tell me what Neve Campbell sounds like.

Ann: Christopher. "Chris-toe-fur." It's like you have furry toes.
Chris: [guffaws] Hilarious.
Ann: I have a question... for you. It's something very important. Which is... What is your... Spirit animal?
Chris: Jaguar. Why do you ask?
Ann: Doin' a survey. Well, survey completed. So take 'er easy.
Perd Hapley: Uh, you didn't ask me. But if you had, the answer I would have given is... Doggie.

Ron Swanson: Chris, Ann wants to ask you something right now. Go, Ann.
Ann: In front of Perd?
Ron Swanson: Yes. No more delays. Go.
Ann: I want to have a baby. Will you be the sperm donor?
Perd Hapley: The story of this situation is it's extremely personal.
Ann: Think it over. Bye.

Leslie Knope: Well, the police said they're gonna launch an investigation to see whether or not I was hacked. But it's very complicated, and it could take up to a month.
Chris: There is nothing more disgusting than an invasion of privacy. And I should know. I've had many women steal my undershirts.

Ron Swanson: Who is Todo Toadfoot? You wrote him an email about riding your dragons to Pelennor Fields and signed it "Dimple Broadbelt of Buckland."
Leslie Knope: Yes, that's Ben and my fantasy Lord Of The Rings pen pal letters. I am a little embarrassed by that.

Leslie Knope: First, I'd like you all to check under your chairs. I think you might be surprised and excited by what you find.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Is it chocolate?
Leslie Knope: Even better. It's dirt. The EPA has recently reviewed our soil samples, and they determined that we achieved, and I quote, "Minimal acceptable standards." So... not too shabby.
Kim Terlando: Uh, Councilwoman Knope, you've claimed construction will take 18 months, but a source tells me it will be much longer.
Leslie Knope: I would-- I would deny that report.
Kim Terlando: I've also learned that the EPA found midi-chlorians in the soil. How serious is that, exactly?
Leslie Knope: It's very serious, Kim. It's almost as serious as email hacking, which is what you have been doing to me for weeks. [gasps; silence] I really thought you guys would gasp there.
Kim Terlando: That is a baseless accusation.
Leslie Knope: Midi-chlorians are a fictional substance found in the blood of Jedi knights from the movie Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. Which, side-note, was a terrible movie. It almost destroyed the franchise, according to my husband. But that is neither here nor there.
Donna: The point is I sent Councilwoman Knope the fake email about the EPA finding midi-chlorians, an hour ago... As a trap. Into which you have fallen.
Kim Terlando: Well... I have never seen Star Wars, because I was too busy hooking up with guys. Unlike you losers.
Donna: [guffaws] Uh, you wanna compare numbers, Terlando? Get to steppin'.

Chris: Ann Perkins!
Ann: Hey, Chris! Got to run to a meeting. With Ron.
Chris: Great idea! I'll run to my next meeting.

Jessica Wicks: I need you to select your first charity by tomorrow. Sweetums' public image is currently at an all-time low.
Ben: Yeah, there's even a rumor going around that the chocolate is made of rat parts.
Jessica Wicks: [laughing] Well... You know what they say about rumors.
Ben: Yeah.
Jessica Wicks: They're mostly true.
Ben: Including the rat thing?
Jessica Wicks: Yeah. What are you gonna do? It's where all the flavor comes from.

Andy: Ben? Ben?
Ben: Yeah, Andy.
Andy: I think I might have found something that's actually pretty cool.
Ben: Okay, well, just put it aside, and I'll read it later.
April: No. Andy found it, and he's gonna tell you about it right now. Go, babe.
Andy: Uh, it's the Redwood Music Program. It's an after-school music class for at-risk kids. It'll keep them off the street.
April: Whoa.
Andy: And the streets, as you know, are dangerous. Example: I fell in a sewer grate once. I was there all day. In conclusion, we cannot let our children live in the sewer any longer. Redwood Music Program-- go, your honor, amen. [April claps]

Ben: That's a great idea. Anyone else come across anything good? Tom?
Tom: Um, yeah. I got a good one. It's called the Clean Sheet Foundation. [throws pamphlet] That's my pick.
Ben: They provide legal assistance to the KKK. This is your pick?
Tom: Yeah. Can you pass the bonbons?