Nick: I'm trying to turn it off, you idiot!
Winston: Oh... no.
Nick: What's going on?
Winston: Uh... Bucky got out of his cage, man. Let's go get him.
Nick: No! No! I'm getting out of here!
Winston: No, you're coming with me. You got to help me find the badger, Nick! You don't be no bitch!

Winston: Excuse me, uh, Deb, we need to check your trunk... we're looking for a package. It is addressed to Retired Rear Admiral Jay Garage-A-Roo.
Schmidt: What a stupid name.
Winston: Tell it to your stupid wife, man... it's one of our inside jokes.
Schmidt: You two don't have inside jokes.
Winston: Man, we got loads of inside jokes! My turtleneck, uh, my trick hip, that "Hok-fooey, Jean Luc!"

Aly: Do something. My skin's burning, you guys.
Winston: What? Baby, baby, you okay?
Aly: What did you put on me?
Winston: What did you do to her, Rhonda?!
Aly: Ow!
Rhonda: She didn't want the jelly, so I used a porcine birthing agent.
Winston: What is that?!
Rhonda: I... I...
Aly: Well, it's burning! Oh, my God!
Rhonda: I'm so sorry.
Aly: You're sorry?! You should be... because, baby doll, you just got Aly'd. Oh! How you like that, Rhonda? Who's basic now? Oh!

Winston: You know, I spent six months building the Engram Pattersky website. And you guys didn't even visit the office. What's happening, y'all? So, was the prank too small? You know, I've been guilty of that in the past.
Schmidt: Too big, man. Way too big.
Jess: I don't know. I think it was just right.
All: Too big.
Schmidt: Definitely too big.
Cece: Way too big.
Nick: Ridiculous.

Nick: What's up, Winston?
Winston: Oh, hey, Nick. You know, I couldn't figure out the best way to kill Furguson, so I decided to just let him choose how he wants to die. If only I could get him to leave that damn sunbeam.
Nick: You're gonna murder a cat?
Winston: Yeah.
Nick: This is a joke, right?
Winston: No.
Nick: This is one of your pranks?
Winston: An eye for an eye, Nick. A cat for a cat.
Nick: But what's the other cat?
Winston: My heart.

Nick: Winston, you're the worst at pranks in the whole world.
Winston: No, I'm not.
Nick: Yes, you are! You either go way too small...
[flashback:]
Young Winston: Hey. Let's pour a little juice near her shoe.
[present:]
Nick: ...Or you go way too big.
[flashback:]
Young Winston: Hey, let's hit her in the throat with a ski.
[present:]
Nick: You don't have a pranking sweet spot.

Winston: What? No, no.
Nick: That's my phone.
Winston: I said no phones.
Nick: I know. I'm gonna get it.
Winston: They can track us with phones.
Nick: What is going...? Relax. You're so weird with pranks. What is going on with you?
Winston: Put the phone away!

Coach: Hey, give me five. I got to protein-load.
Schmidt: What do you see we split that last packet of power goo.
Cece: I cannot believe that this actually worked.
Winston: Oh, man...
Cece: No, that's a lie... I would've been surprised if it didn't.
Winston: A classic CeCe-Winston mess around.
Cece: That's not a thing.
Winston: All right.

Schmidt: A beanbag chair, Winston?
Winston: Yeah.
Schmidt: You thought that would be a... a suitable gift for my bride?
Winston: You wouldn't get it. I mean, it's a reference to a classic Winston-Cece mess-around.
[flashback to Winston drawing a circle while playing Pictionary with Cece:]
Cece: Beanbag chair!
[present:]
Schmidt: Never in my life have I heard of a game of one-on-one Pictionary.
Winston: We had a moment.

Winston: And right over there is where Cece and I had our first mess around.
Cece: What? Don't tell them.
Winston: It's time for the mess around to become the confess around.